The White Sheep Rules

Of course that's too simplistic. It bespeaks a "nounish" approach to humanity. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

But there are those who rather regularly do spectacularly foolish things, and those who don't. I've been a "don't" all my adult life and we're commonly referred to as White Sheep of the family, well some families.

We don't get much attention. We're persona non grata on Oprah, Springer, Dr. Phil and Larry King. Got to admit it; we're boring as Hell really. However? Our lives aren't boring. People all around us seem to work tirelessly to rescue White Sheep from tedium.

In this troubled time when gratitude mingles with weary frustration in my heart? About time somebody laid out a few helpful guidelines for all White Sheep.

1.) Keep your eyes open as you're dragged to alien environs. You'll likely visit courtrooms, hospitals and jailhouses. In none of these events will you be the center of attention, of course. But you're still a principal player. Keep your eyes open, there's lots to see.

B.) Don't feel sorry for yourself. Sure, somebody should, but it ain't you. When I was younger I wasted valuable energy like that. It's not for me to sort that out for you in detail. In general though? Self-pity is a subtle form of envy. To envy is to rebuke God for the circumstances of your assignment.

3.) Always hold close that nothing bad is actually happening to you. Most of the sadness you'll survey is really "referred pain" and nothing more. (Dang! Now you're gonna yammer on that topic later, aren't ya Dave?) You're not lying in that ER bed with tubes attached, are you? You're not lying in that coffin because seatbelts were some how anathema to you, are you? Yeah, you're at a jailhouse, but you're not wearing an orange jumpsuit, are you? Sure, the pain is real to you. But it's "referred pain."

I could say more, but that ought to get you going. White Sheep is a drag job, I'll grant you that. But it's your job. The pay's all right, the hours suck at times, and fringe benefits? Days like this, would take an electron microscope to find them.

Just go eat some grass. Accept that in God's eyes, all sheep are the same color, and all may graze freely in the pastures of Grace.