Friday, December 26, 2008

Why it failed

All over the world the question bears heavily on minds. Why did the 3rd annual Orgasm for Peace fail? Strife still grips the planet and Hamas is shooting Happy Hannukah rockets at Israel. This, only six days after the event designed to end war forever. The riddle is even more perplexing, since it can't possibly be related to the basic concept.

Millions have an orgasm at the precise moment of the Winter Solstice. That sends a wave of positive energy around the world at the speed of light. So powerful would this wave be, the brain chemistry of humanity would be altered, and nobody would care for war anymore. So the concept is without error, and who would expect such an idea to start in California, anyway?

I believe the failure of this noble effort must fall squarely on execution. The participants can't be blamed either. The core failure lies in the difficulty of precision in body functions.

I've never met a person who could hiccup on demand. I've never even met anyone who could sneeze whenever they felt like it. How much more difficult would it be to schedule an orgasm at 12:04pm on Sunday 12/21/08? Perhaps the peace energy wave was weakened by a high percentage of 12:02, 12:06 or even 12:09 orgasms.

When seeking to alter the brain chemistry of an entire species, intensity of the wave is a pretty important factor. After all, we have to be scientific about these things, right? So it was probably doomed to fail, due to the imprecision of bilogical functions with respect to celestial mechanics. Or put another way, human bodies & heavenly bodies just have a heck of a time synching up.

Sure, some will point to Tibetan holy men, who through meditation can control their body temp and such as that. I've heard those stories too, but I've no information these techniques have become common knowledge throughout the Western world. Therefore only a few thousand Buddhist monks can be reliable for exactly 12:04pm. That's not enough orgasms to change the brain chemistry of the human race! Besides, I think those guys are celibate.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Sorting out CD's

Who put AC/DC in the Manheim Steamroller case? I don't like either of 'em much, but there's no sense in that level of cruelty. Well, that's what I'm trying to nip in the bud with my sorting operation. Hey! It's a rainy day, and I have LOTS of free time! Now being about 3/4 finished, this is a good time to pause and wax incoherent.

Many of these CD's were given to me as gifts. I never realized that before. There's the 12 volume "Classics of Classical Music." I remember when that was bought for me. There's Allmans live at Fillmore & Neil Young's first, with "Cinnamon Girl" on it. Those were both bought for me to go with another gift, my first CD player.

Some of these CD's represent nuanced gifts, and stand out like a ruby in a black man's ear (thanks Joni, and God bless Bud Higgenbottom). There's the Yardbirds double CD, bought for my birthday one year by an angry young man. He thought he was mad at me, but really he's always been mad at himself. Still, he was trying to reach out.

From happier days, there is the "No Direction Home" CD from the Scorcese documentary. Father's Day gift. He was doing the happy dance as I opened it.

Oddly, I picked up an unlabeled CD just now and started listening to it. Who in the world would be so disorganized as to make a CD and not label it? Oh, same person who'd put AC/DC in a Manheim Steamroller case, I reckon. In the first notes of the CD, I got a chill, hearing "My Father's Gun." Who would be so knowledgeable of me, so painstaking as to lovingly make a CD full of songs few know I revere, while throwing in some Bob Marley and Stone Temple Pilots for subversion's sake? WHERE ARE THE LABELS?????

Maybe some are not so disorganized thinkers as to believe everything needs a label. It just is, and even in the worst of times, we still strain against chains of our own forging to find some language with which to speak to those we love. Labels are merely options at times.