Why it failed

All over the world the question bears heavily on minds. Why did the 3rd annual Orgasm for Peace fail? Strife still grips the planet and Hamas is shooting Happy Hannukah rockets at Israel. This, only six days after the event designed to end war forever. The riddle is even more perplexing, since it can't possibly be related to the basic concept.

Millions have an orgasm at the precise moment of the Winter Solstice. That sends a wave of positive energy around the world at the speed of light. So powerful would this wave be, the brain chemistry of humanity would be altered, and nobody would care for war anymore. So the concept is without error, and who would expect such an idea to start in California, anyway?

I believe the failure of this noble effort must fall squarely on execution. The participants can't be blamed either. The core failure lies in the difficulty of precision in body functions.

I've never met a person who could hiccup on demand. I've never even met anyone who could sneeze whenever they felt like it. How much more difficult would it be to schedule an orgasm at 12:04pm on Sunday 12/21/08? Perhaps the peace energy wave was weakened by a high percentage of 12:02, 12:06 or even 12:09 orgasms.

When seeking to alter the brain chemistry of an entire species, intensity of the wave is a pretty important factor. After all, we have to be scientific about these things, right? So it was probably doomed to fail, due to the imprecision of bilogical functions with respect to celestial mechanics. Or put another way, human bodies & heavenly bodies just have a heck of a time synching up.

Sure, some will point to Tibetan holy men, who through meditation can control their body temp and such as that. I've heard those stories too, but I've no information these techniques have become common knowledge throughout the Western world. Therefore only a few thousand Buddhist monks can be reliable for exactly 12:04pm. That's not enough orgasms to change the brain chemistry of the human race! Besides, I think those guys are celibate.