Friday, January 8, 2010

Year of the Crank

Well that's interesting! Mr. Obama made a bold speech, indirectly stemming from the whole underwear bomber embarrassment. Not as JFK as his Nobel speech, but still pretty good...

"Make no mistake, the buck stops with me. I mean, provided China will loan me the buck of course."

Hmmm, what was I gonna write about? Oh yeah, I got it now!

My blog, my little soapbox, but a new year, so what to do?

I could write inspiring essays that affirm the human spirit and encourage all to soldier on against adversity. Yeah, guess I could do that. Doesn't sound much like me though.

I could write insightfully and powerfully on the challenges our nation faces, point to common ground and seek to unite our divided people... ha ha ha, I kill me! Why exactly would I want to do that?

Naw, suppose I'll just keep making fun of stuff. But there's this thing? Why should I bust my brain cells (not to brag here, but I've dozens of brain cells. Yeah, literally) inventing stupid when all around me, a teeming mass of humanity is furiously engaged in DOING stupid?

Therefore in 2010 I will kick back and wakeboard behind sleek, agile craft speeding across the Oceans of stupid.

To wit: It's cold in Memphis this week. I mean really really cold. No kidding, on my morning run today, saw a terrorist lighting his underwear just for the warmth. In response, Memphis has set up a warming tent for homeless. Sounds common sense to me, but much of the reaction has been vitriolic. By this I mean quite angry, and not some kind of antique record player.

Most of the angry say these homeless are insane drunken junkies, and they may have a pint there. Oh sorry, my typo! It's the homeless who have a pint. The anti-warming tent crowd, they may have a point. Hey, I'm not going to get all "The Saviour said" here, but I question the logic of anyone who'd deny a fellow human a warming tent when it's 18 degrees. Do they for some cause relish the thought of Memphis sanitation workers driving around scraping junkiecicles off the sidewalks? Do they wish to see karmic justice not intervered with? Is that it? Must be nice; I sure wouldn't want MY karma account audited. Very same people who object to warming tent for insane drunken junkies would be near rioting if they heard local animal shelter wasn't heated. It's hilarious really.

Because we all know "The world is a comedy to those that think, and a tragedy to those that feel." Ben Cartwright said that. Ha ha ha! Just kidding. Was really Floyd the barber.

In other comedy, a man in England this week got his penis stuck in a length of metal pipe. Had to go to ER, and they didn't know what to do about it either. For some odd reason, that malady is little addressed in most medical schools. Local rescue squad was summoned, skillful use of a metal grinder solved the problem. I readed the story four times before I could stop laughing, but this is a serious issue! There's a deplorable lack of journalism afoot in the english speaking world these days. Questions not answered in the story?
1. How long was the pipe, and how did the chap get to the ER? A guy walking down sidewalk with a four foot length of pipe extending from his trousers would be a head turner. Did he ride one of those double decker buses to the hospital? Did the driver make him sit up top?
2. They have universal health care in England. Is penis/pipe procedure covered? If not, will he be billed separately? Who figures out what that costs? If you charge him what it's worth, going to be a hefty bill.
3. Has anybody cautioned the patient to stay away from keyholes? Cause that'd be very bad. You can't even get on a double decker bus with a door; bus opening is too small. Walking down sidewalk with a door attached to you, zero forward visibility. Somebody could get hurt like that.

No comments: