Wednesday, January 13, 2010

DIY Scandalous

More than a million "How To" books are being recalled. Turns out if some of the directions and diagrams were followed explicitly, could lead to "serious bodily injury and even electrical fires." Well I want to know how they finally caught the mistakes. True, usually a comprehensive product review happens AFTER serious liability exposure, but we don't know.

I'd prefer to imagine this: An electrical contractor standing in a long line at Lowe's. He picks up some DIY home wiring book, idly turns pages. Something catches him, he looks closer. Turns the pages more quickly now. Eyes bulge out, face turns red, and POOF! He turns into Jackie Gleason, right in the checkout line and it's "HAMANA HAMANA HAMANA!"

Pity all those books have to be destroyed though. Maybe they could just slap a new cover on them? Re-title as "How to fool Arson investigators" and sell them on Craigslist maybe.

Woman named Casey Johnson died last week. I'd never heard of her before. She was daughter of NY Jets owner, she had $20 mil to her name, and she was only thirty years old. Reason the story struck me, is I felt bad for not knowing who she was. Apparently she wanted to be famous in the worst way. And I mean that literally. Turns out she was on a quest for noteriety for some reason. For one thing, she was quite public lesbian lover to somebody named Tila Tequila. Now Ms. Tequila appears to be an MTV "reality" star. I don't watch MTV but if they've got any programming even approaching reality, then "Girls gone wild" is a BBC documentary series.
Casey & Tila even announced their "engagement" recently. They told the world on Youtube, while both were clad in only undies. So Casey was a woman who wanted to be a nationwide scandal, but I don't think she ever hit the big time, not really.
It's a pity too, when scandalizing folks is so easy, IF you go about it in the right way. She should've said something about Jesus on TV.

Cause also last week, a reporter on Fox News said Tiger Woods should convert to Christianity if he wants to get his life butter side up. And WOW! Judging from the reaction, you'd have thought he was wearing a bra & panties, telling folks to hook the red and black wires together! The reporter's name is Brit Hume. I've seen him on TV for years, seems like an all right guy. I'd presume his comments weren't scripted; just talking off the top of his head about repentance & forgiveness.

All of a sudden though, newspaper writers are demanding he apologize, ACLU is totally upset, and the Dalai Lama said something about "settling this outside in the alley." OK, I was kidding about the ACLU part.

And this just demonstrates why you have to stay up with changing times. When Casey was a little girl, being the lesbian lover of an MTV cartoon character was a shortcut to Tabloid stardom. 2010 though, not so much.
When Brit was a boy, expressions of faith were common in the media. After all, Linus was reading Bible verse on "Charlie Brown Christmas." But now it's 2010. Faith is supposed to be a private matter. Lesbians in underwear, that's on Youtube.

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