Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Not about Oil Leaks

There's no need to write on front page topics. I'll just say on that... see the picture there? Big log jam, Grand Rapids, MI 1883. What happened is this. Loggers upstream got the Grand River constipated, and everything was stuck tight for weeks. When it started to move, WOW! A thirty feet tall pile of logs, seven miles long, with all that hydraulic pressure behind it. Took out two railroad bridges, horrible mess. Point being, whenever humans exploit natural resources, "OH POOPIE!" is a regular consequence. Only the scope varies.

The big news is that World Cup Soccer is real popular for some reason. They're having it right now, and South African fans like to blow on annoying horns during the games. Steps are being taken to filter it out of broadcasts. I wonder if they tried anti-noise technology. Yeah, that's fascinating science. Was discovered back in the 1980's I believe. A sound is a wave, with amplitude and phase. So if you add a sound of same amplitude and inverse phase, the noise is cancelled. Yeah, how 'bout that? Two really loud noises aimed at each other, result is quiet. Might not work in stadiums though, complex secondary and tertiary acoustics bouncing around.

What else... oh yeah! A creature named Perez Hilton is in trouble, like maybe big trouble. I didn't even know there was such a thing as Perez Hilton, until he gained my attention in the noteriety of Ms. USA contest. Why anybody would have a gay guy judge a beauty contest, I dunno, but that's just Donald Trump. He's the PT Barnum of our generation.

So, turns out this Perez Hilton 'earns' a living by talking bad about famous people. Nope, this is not a recent development of a culture in decline, but I'll get back to that. Mr. Hilton's landed in hot water over posting a picture of Miley Cyrus exiting a vehicle, allegedly not wearing underpants. Well she's 17, so technically Mr. Hilton is now a child porno purveyor. Should be a fun trial.

Perez is not a trailblazer, earning money by trashing others. When I was a kid, there was a guy named Mr. Blackwell. I wouldn't have picked Blackwell to judge a beauty contest, if ya know what I mean? But Blackwell's source of income was annual list of famous woman fashion train wrecks. He'd go on Carson show and make catty comments, stuff like that.

So Perez Hilton is nothing new, not in concept. He's just coming in a different format, in a different era where the culture is more coarse. There's usually historic equiv for most human activities. Yeah, Donald Trump really is a lot like PT Barnum. Perez Hilton really is a lot like Mr. Blackwell.

But one shouldn't strain for historic comparisons; it's more a Zen contemplation, best arrived at by seeking harmony with the life force. Kinda like a revelation that forms organically in minds that say, "Grasshopper, snatch the pebble from my hand." And on that topic, this explains why I could never be a Kung Fu master; some things I just don't get. Like, what would I want with a crummy pebble?

Historic comparisons in fidgety, greasy hands are trite and meaningless. They're annoying, like horns at a Soccer match. All these news people saying "Is the Oil Leak Obama's Katrina?" they sound like that to me. First time I hear a news person say "Is the Oil Leak Obama's 1883 Grand Rapids log jam?" I'll respect that. That'd be a pebble worth snatching there!

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