Big Ass Worms!!!

Some might argue a worm doesn't really have an ass, y'know? But these folk are too human-centric in their views of anatomy. Hmmmm, what you got on worms Dave?

A worm says, "Hello beautiful, do you come here often?" The answer is "You idiot, I'm your other end." This is entirely appropriate since worms are hermaphrodites.

"Why bury 'em? Buzzards gotta eat same as worms do."
Outlaw Josey Wales

The early bird gets the worm. This because worms are heavy partiers, and just getting home from Worm Raves around dawn.

Worms drink through their skin. You can get worms to come to the surface in a worm stampede, if you make a noise like a burrowing mole.

Is that it Dave? Seriously, this is the place where your Niagara Falls of absolutely useless knowledge withers to an impotent trickle???

Well, then it's a good thing giant worms in Idaho have finally hit the news, huh? A three foot long albino worm that smells like a Lily and spits when angered, that certainly is pretty weird! And so timely, since I was starting to miss Michael Jackson. (Tsk tsk, too soon Dave!)

There is also this? The giant Gippsland worm lives in Australia, and grows to 10 feet in length. The Lumbricus badensis lives in Germany and only manages a pitiful 2 feet. Now, those pathetic puny worms around here Dave? Every day they eat their weight in dirt. What comes out the other end (Hellllooo beautiful!) is up to 70 percent higher in concentration of Nitrogen, a vital nutrient for plants. Here's another thing? On a healthy piece of land, it's quite likely the combined weight of the worms underneath is greater than that of the livestock, buildings and farm equipment above.

Wow Dave! You've suddenly become a worm expert! Are you some kind of idiot savant? While that statement is certainly half correct, I did what any self-respecting bald hillbilly would do. I readed the Worm Digest.

Yep, there's an entire magazine devoted to worms. Remember that bird that was "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs"? Put an exponent on it and you got exactly the way some folks feel about worms. They even sell T-shirts, and I'm thinking about getting one, even mindful it could be misconstrued as a statement of my sexual orientation.

But ain't it just all so cool Dave? This world is such an quirky, wonderful place. It stubbornly resists humanity's best efforts to transform it into a smouldering, nitemarish landscape. You got worms longer than a coffee table, and even the little ones are doing amazing things, and you got people who are just crazy for worms. It's been a really fun ride, hasn't it man? Nothing so far has managed to shake your joy in just taking that next breath.