Saturday, July 4, 2009

Awesome Billboard!

Right near the corner of Brooks and Democrat Road, can't miss it. And there he is, giant black man leering down at me. But what does it mean, "Works Every Time"? I presume money was spent in hopes of increasing sales of Colt 45, so what the HELL is that supposed to mean anyway?

Could it be lately there's been a trend where some alcoholic beverages fail to deliver a buzz, and the billboard wishes to assure loyal customers that Colt 45 remains consistently the best value for their inebriation dollar?

Could it be the advertisement itself "Works Every Time"? That somehow the mere sight of Billy Dee Williams arouses among a sizeable percentage of the population an overpowering thirst that can only be quenched by Colt 45?

Well, there's a beautiful young woman in the picture. Perhaps "Works Every Time" means to imply Colt 45 is an indispensable aid in removing female undergarments. That's a spurious claim. Might work every time for Billy Dee, but I foresee widespread disappointment for those of us who aren't Billy Dee Williams.

And that's another thing? What is the process explaining the enduring celebrity of Billy Dee Williams? Half the people driving past that billboard weren't even born the last time Billy had a starring role in anything! There are some people who reach a point where they've filled a niche, then they just go around being themselves. I guess Billy Dee is the black Hugh Hefner or something. Do we really need TWO of those? And if so, why don't we have a white George Hamilton?

Hey, I could do that! I'm not shy or proud. I'd work tirelessly to be famous for not having a suntan. Wonder where you go to apply for a job like that. Hmmm, I'll check that out later. Right now I have an unexplainable hankering for a delicious Colt 45.

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