Born to ponder

Lots of things in this week's news all right, you betcha. For one thing, Palestinian protesters have taken to dressing up like the overgrown smurfs in that movie "Avatar." How delightful; I wonder who put them up to that? Must be a very persuasive person. I'm trying to imagine sitting at a conference table, telling my fellow Hamas members why we should paint ourselves blue for tomorrow's protest.

And this week saw sentencing in the California flaming dancer case. That's where an exotic dancer tried to cremate her rival, except pre-mortem. Not good, not good at all. The attacker got life in prison, which I bet means about seven years. And there's another reason for the erosion of respect for civil authority; prison sentences are dishonestly announced and everybody knows it. But what I found interesting about the flaming dancer case? During a break in the proceedings, defense lawyer went over and hugged the victim, praising her courage through the ordeal. Now, I've never been on trial for anything... yet. But should I ever be on trial, and during a recess my lawyer goes over and hugs my accuser, I'm not going to take that as a good sign.

So that brings me to astrology. Yeah, I'm an Aquarius. "This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius, age of Aquarius, oooh." Well as of today, the age of this Aquarius is 53. I've never been 53 before; I sure hope I don't mess it up! Better read my horoscope, that'll help. Naw, astrology is a bunch of hooey.

Some folk might argue with me, citing the wise men and the Star of Bethlehem. Well that's a good point. Yeah, long time ago some astrologers noted astronomical anomaly in a constellation they associated with Israel. Good work! Doesn't mean modern astrology is relevant in any way. For Horoscopes, I will use my ultimate put down, my personal WMD, worst thing I can say...

Astrology is so dumb, even I could do it.

Every birth sign profile is essentially the same: Two bits of vague flattery followed by a general dig. Something like...

You are creative and very generous. You often feel that people don't understand you. At times you are self-centered and stubborn.

TAA-DAAH!!! Guaranteed to make any gullible person think, "Hey, that's me!" Yeah, I'm really good at this astrology stuff. Check it out, tell me YOUR birthday...
OK, you like ice cream. See, it's just like I can read your mind, ain't it?

Further evidence that astrology isn't relevant? OK, Jerry Springer, Peter Gabriel and I were all born on this day. Gabriel is an astounding musical talent, and Springer, WOW! Who knew there was a gold mine in the gutter? Well, I guess Jerry did, huh?

My point being though, other than our birthdays, I don't see a whole heck of a lot we three Aquarians have in common. I don't even think our weekends will be similar, so how could a horoscope possibly apply to all three of us?

Today is good for expanding your horizons. Fire the bass player; his technique is too mechanical. You will meet a person with tattoos; avoid flying chairs. Don't forget to pay the electric bill.

So that's why I think astrology is a bunch of hooey. I could write much more, but my schedule today is quite crowded. I have to fire a bass player.