Hey, they started it!

I have only the warmest regards for those who have said very bizarre things to me over the years. We all say things without thinking at times. And at times, we carefully consider before we speak, but it still comes out stupid. My opinion, there is a cosmic perfection in it all. If you have a silly question, who better to ask than a silly person, right?

These are merely chosen at random; I have many dozens. A person once asked me in all seriousness, "If dolphins are really so intelligent, why don't they build houses to live in under the ocean?" I helpfully explained that dolphins want to, but they don't have thumbs. I've yet to meet a thumbless carpenter whose work I respected.

It just goes like that, being me. I've actually been awakened in the middle of the night by somebody who wanted to know who did that song, "Brandy, you're a fine girl, what a good wife you would make"... of course it was either Bob Dylan or Aretha Franklin, I'm fairly certain. Could've been Gladys Knight & the Pips though. Must be really strange, trying to pick up girls that way.

"Hey baby, looking good tonight there. Can I buy you a drink? I'm a Pip."
"No kidding? Couldn't tell it by looking at you. Do you miss the folks back home in Piponia?"

Uh, what was I talking about? Oh yeah! Some actual questions I've been asked over the years, and my thoroughly researched answers.

Q: What makes windmills run?
A: Steam. They're all steam powered.

Q: Wouldn't mid-air collisions be eliminated, if they'd put headlights on jets?
A: Well. A passenger jet travels at about 650mph. The most powerful headlights available would only buy the pilot enough time to scream "OH SH-" so it's not really worth the expense.

Q: I have an idea for a car that runs on compressed air. The wheels turning will keep the compressor going, will you help me with the design?
A: Really, I'd like to but I'm so busy. What you're talking about is a perpetual motion machine. At best, it'd have to get at least 25 percent free energy from somewhere in order to operate. You should keep working on that; sounds like you're onto something.

Q: Why is it that something, like a big truck, it sounds one way when coming towards me, and different going away?
A: Thats the Doppler effect. Sound is changed by the momentum of the object it comes from. You might say when it's coming towards you, the sound wave is cascading, and when it's moving away the sound wave is decaying. It's actually one of the things that got Einstein headed towards his Relativity theory.

All right, sue me! Everybody gets caught napping at times. Yeah the proper response would have been: "No kidding, I mean really? Sounds different to you? Please get to a Doctor, soon as you can? Probably a brain tumor, something like that."