Monday, March 8, 2010

These Holes we dig

Yep, a woman dug her way out of a European prison with a spoon. Dug something like a 70 ft tunnel. And by the time she escaped, only had 22 months left to serve. Hey, get off her back! Takes a long time to dig a tunnel with a spoon! Besides, you have to understand the lady. It's not just that she was bored; it's the way she thinks. Some folk have a perspective where lots of energy aimed at accomplishing something stupid makes a heck of a lot of sense to them.

No matter the circumstance, they'll stay true to their perspective. Changing pencils won't change your handwriting, y'know?

Sure she should've waited for an earthquake to knock down the prison. After all, we've an earthquake once a week now somewhere in the world. She should've been patient and waited her turn.

And why are we having all these earthquakes? Because we need to repent. Technology to the rescue!!! But it's not without controversy of course...

So far the Jews seem to be handling it best, but that's just due to the tenets of the faith really. On prayers being placed in cracks between Wailing Wall stones, there's nothing rigid about one having to be there physically, nor writing the prayer by hand. Therefore everybody's fine with faxed or e-mailed prayers. And for a nominal fee (a mere pittance really) that prayer will be placed at the Wailing Wall. And now they've linked up with Twitter! So if your prayer is 140 characters or less... but Hey! Please don't start your Twitter prayers with 'OMG' cause that's just tacky.

Coptic Christians in Egypt, not doing so well. Pope Shenuda III has put his foot down. No more cell phoning the priests with your confessions! For one thing he says, the Egyptian secret police could well be listening in. More than that, it degrades the solemnity of a sacrament and yanks the Priest from necessary otherworldly detachment. I sure do get that one. I mean you're trying to light candles, burn incense, stuff like that and it's all "hang on, I have to get this one." It must be very distracting. I've full faith in Pope Shendua's ability to nip this in the bud. Embattled faith minorities like the Coptics, there's always a tight chain of command.

On the other hand, France and the confession hotline, whole different ball of wax. Hmmm, wonder where that phrase comes from? Well candle makers would've been important people in medieval times so I guess... OK David, back on topic! Oh yeah! French Bishop disapproval isn't going to stop the confession hotline. Being a french Bishop means hearing "yeah, right, whatever" quite often.

So some innovative Catholics have started a confession hotline. Press one for advice on confession, press two to confess, press three to listen to some confessions. And it only costs fifty cents a minute, except in Euro money.

In fairness to the clever entrepreneurs I should point out: They say it's all about raising awareness among France's notoriously lapsed Catholics about need to go to confession. And also there's a disclaimer along lines of "if you're calling about a mortal sin you are strongly encouraged to contact your local spiritual care provider" everyone has to listen to (at fifty cents a minute) so it's not like they're being flippant on this thing, right?

But one needn't be a Catholic, nor even a Christian to foresee this is going to be a financial success but a spiritual failure. You're going to get a bunch of liars calling in there and it's going to sound like the letters section in Penthouse magazine. A whole lot of "Bless me Father for I have sinned. I never thought in my whole life anything like this would happen to me..." and that's lying and lying is sin.

Then there's going to be people calling up listening to the liars for a cheap thrill (fifty cents a minute) and they'll be envying sinful acts that never took place anyway and that's some kind of compound sin. Then there'll be lonely french guys clogging up the phone lines calling to ask for contact info on that girl "who giggled a lot and likes to dress up like an Angel" and that's sin. And of course the Egyptian secret police will be listening in, and they're Muslim so it's a false witness to those outside the faith and that's a really bad sin.

The whole confession hotline, while it'll likely be a commercial success for a while, just gets a lot more sin. And you know what more sin gets you? More earthquakes, that's what.

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