Friday, May 22, 2009

Re-train American Bugs

What's done is done. So Western Civ, after the Berlin Wall fell kinda got the big head (as my Mom would say) and started believing (or claimed to) illogical stuff. So globalism and New World Orders that could be designed and managed immune to the law of unintended consequence, well. It was all a giddy ditty that some drunken sailors sang. Western Civ, all is forgiven, just come home? I miss you.

But if we're really gonna put the past behind us, you got to quit this lying about, "Oh, they're just doing jobs Americans don't want." You know what I'm talking about, the whole country is up in arms about it. Bringing those South American flies to Texas!

Oh sure it sounds good. We got fire ants, so what ya do is go get this fly that swoops down on a fire ant, lays an egg in it, thereby transforming the fire ant into a walking incubator/TV dinner for the next generation of Phorid fly. For some reason this ain't considered a happy outcome in the fire ant community. Just the sight of one Phorid fly can put a whole colony of fire ants to cowering in their underground tunnels. Great ideas sometimes sound dumb at first, but really really dumb ideas ALWAYS sound good, right off the bat. So bringing Phorid flies to Texas sounds like a good idea.

I predict that 20 years from now, science will have learned some very interesting other things about Phorid flies, someone will be scouring the Amazon for whatever it is that eats Phorid flies, and I just hope it ain't Piranhas. But that's not my point.

We have billions of hardworking American beetles, moths and spiders, and they lay eggs too. American bugs want these jobs that foreign insects are being given. Our American bugs just need training for the new service based economy is all. It's a quite simple thing really.

All you have to do is figure out why Phorid flies like to lay their eggs in fire ants, and teach American bugs that. As I understand Darwin, long ago Phorid flies laid their eggs in, I dunno, Madonna's ex-boyfriends, something like that. Then one day, via spontaneous random mutation, one Phorid fly decided to lay its egg in a fire ant. It was the better reproductive strategy, so now all Phorid flies do it. So just repeat the random spontaneous mutation, in an American ladybug for instance? You can do that, right? That way everybody's happy. Phorid flies can stay in South America, fire ants are contained, and American insects have good paying jobs.

I hate courting controversy, but we'll have to re-train the fire ants too. Look, I know they're here illegally, but they're not going anywhere, right? Just for the sake of efficiency, we've got to get fire ants understanding that ladybugs have been re-trained to lay eggs in them. I'll admit this is where it gets complex, but we Darwinists never shrink from a challenge, right?

We've got to figure out by what mechanism a Texas fire ant who's never been to South America, can recognize a Phorid fly and be terrified of it. Now how in the world would a dumb old ant know that? It's almost as if some force exists that loves both Phorid flies and fire ants. Phorid flies got to reproduce, or no more Phorid flies. Fire ants have to know to be scared of the dive bombing egg layers or pretty soon no more fire ants.

To correctly re-train fire ants to fear ladybugs, we're going to have to find out what this force is exactly. I think we're gonna need a bigger blackboard.

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