Liberties Taken

$140,000?

2012-01-10T16:54:00.000-08:00

Well Memphis, in its own way is like most river towns all over the world. And modern times in the US, Memphis is like Detroit.

Ringed with exburbs where a decaying city can't reach for tax revenues, but middle class people are free from crime.

Memphis sits on the border of Mississippi. Some tax refugees live about 10 miles south of Memphis, but in the Magnolia state. This is important for two reasons.

First, Memphis can NEVER annex you, if your exburb is in Mississippi.
Second, crime in extreme north MS is amazingly low. That because people who do crime in MS go to Parchman. Parchman is a legendary prison.

So, just south of Memphis there are three towns, about ten miles apart in east/west direction; Olive Branch, Southaven, and uhmm, what's that other one?
I feel just like Rick Perry now...

Oh yeah! Horn Lake! Well, this concerns Southaven. It's an urban sprawl masterpiece with about 20,000 citizens.

The mayor is Greg Davis, and BOY, is he in trouble! He's finally come to attention of state auditors. It seems for past five years he's been padding the expense accounts... uhm, somewhat.

Like $176,000 of suspicious expenses. It's been painful to watch. He used his personal car and billed the city for mileage for example? Turns out he was driving about 50,000 miles a year on city biz.

Well, I've been a road warrior myself at times. You got to get up early to log 1,000 miles a week. And I don't see how that leaves one much time to be mayor.

Yes, he reimbursed the city for week long trip to an AZ spa with wife, where they also had some kind of motivational speaker thing.

Yes, some expenses he charged city for turned out to be purchases at an Ontario adult bookstore that caters to homosexual males. So now Mayor Davis is out of the closet.

This is old stuff, I bet the mayor of Babylon or Rome had similar problems at one point. What REALLY bugs me?

You get paid $140,000 a year to be Mayor of Southaven???? No kidding, Southaven, really nice town. Scarsdale it ain't though.

It has a very nice library, and I know where there's a picturesque old cemetery in the shadow of I-55 overpass, however? Southaven is the ONLY town I know of (and I've visited LOTS of places) where a McDonald's went out of business!

Yeah, no kidding! How the heck does a McDonald's end up with plywood over the windows? Well, the plywood is now covered with gang grafitti, so obviously there's no clue there!!!

It is stupid to pay an individual $140,000 for NOT doing a job, while ripping off taxpayers, that I could find a very capable woman who'd perform admirably at a salary of $70,000.

Atheists at Christmas

2011-12-23T13:05:00.000-08:00

There was an article I saw today. Thirty percent of Christmas decorations made in China are now sold in China. Yeah, turns out Christmas is big business now among the coastal nouveau riche over there.

Well, it doesn't surprise me much. There's a whole class of people over there well educated, ambitious and eager to demonstrate they're cosmopolitan. It's about the same thing as a bald hillbilly using 'nouveau riche' in a sentence, I reckon?

Interesting that atheists have no problem celebrating Christmas. Makes me wonder who screwed up Christmas so much, that it's readily accepted as a purely secular event?

I guess the introduction of Santa Claus is the main culprit. Mr. Claus and the Easter Bunny are two rather incomprehensible characters to the holidays they're associated with.

But it's Christmas for atheists too. If they can't find comfort in Jesus' birth, it's good they have a time of gift giving and family.

Shame! Come back Shame!

2011-06-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

See that's a twist on final line from a movie famous to people who are old enough to join AARP.

It's a well made film with Van Heflin, Jean Arthur, Jack Palance and Alan Ladd as the eponymous 'Shane.' Now eponymous? That just means there's a guy in the movie
named Shane, and the movie is called Shane. So it's eponymous. I like to throw in words like that now & then to prove I managed to stay awake during some of my night school classes.

The old TV show 'Kung Fu' owes a lot to the plot of 'Shane' actually. I watched that David Carradine show a lot as a kid. As an adult, I have some issues with 'Kung Fu.'

First, 'Kung Fu' likely won loads of Emmys, Golden Globes, etc. back in the day for being "bold... cutting edge... takes the Western genre to new places." Bold would've been hiring a Chinese actor for the lead role. I bet Bruce Lee would've taken that job.

Second, we should respect our elders. And sometimes that includes indulging in things they find entertaining. But I just wouldn't spend 15 years of my life trying to snatch a pebble from a blind guy, all right?

Third, I accept the Chinese are a wise and ancient race. But there just HAS to be a better way to take the BBQ grille out to the patio than one that leaves David Carradine's forearms horribly scarred. However, it's their culture, so none of my biz really.

So this movie 'Shane' was doing the 'Kung Fu' basic plot in the 1950's. This guy has death dealing skills but is now a 'man of peace.' That means you have to wait until the end of the show for him to dispatch the bad guys.

But that's not what I wanted to tell you about...

This culture along the way seems to have lost the concept of Shame, and I wish it'd come back. So look, we're friends here right? We can talk. There was no looting in Japan after the recent tragedy because that culture is very tight knit and everything you do reflects on your entire family.

It used to be like that in US culture too, only less vigorously regimented. Like back in the 1960's for example? If your son got his girlfriend pregnant, and then burned his draft card and ran off to Montreal? People would treat YOU noticeably different at Church, or the grocery store, etc.

Well that was wrong too, but it happened. Not to me personally; I've never been to Canada, but things like that happened. You do bad, people shun your entire family.

I'm not advocating a return to such Draconian levels, but Shame has value in a culture. And Shame hasn't ridden into the Sunset by any means. It's still here.

When Congressman Weiner's relatives walk into crowded rooms these days, I bet some people start talking about the weather, rather abruptly. Shame is still here, except as a behavioral deterrent for the individuals engaging in stuff that will totally embarrass a lot of good people once the weasel gets out of the box... or cat out of the bag if you insist on those pedestrian metaphors.

Shame! Come back Shame!

Cadillacs and Communists

2011-05-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

So GM is providing complimentary Escalades for cast & crew to drive around China on their location shots in making a laudatory film about founding of the Chinese Communist Party...

This is yet another example of why I think anybody in 2011 who is taking LSD is pretty much wasting their money.

I can't even figure out all the ways this story looks like a Picasso painting.

'Cadillac' is firmly placed in American vocabulary as meaning 'top of the line.'
More than that, it's sort of a symbol of 20th century American striving for upward
mobility.

I've never read 'Das Kapital' because I'm waiting for the movie to come out, however?
Kinda presume there's no 'striving for upward mobility' in Marxism.

Yet people are riding around in Escalades making a propaganda film about the founding of Chinese Communism. Am sure the film makers have some way to rationalize that.

And GM is providing the Escalades to stay cozy with the thugocrat regime. More Cadillacs are sold in China currently than are sold in the US. Got to make a buck after all, right? Well in this case, a Yuan I guess.

Now a funny thing about this? US taxpayers currently own 1/3 of General Motors. So the government could order GM not to cooperate in a film about how Mao was totally groovy. But that would kinda be Marxist, telling a mostly private biz how to conduct its affairs.

Yet there are people saying the US government should wield semi-Marxist control over GM to keep them out of this propaganda film deal. So I guess that means you have to act like a Marxist, else you're helping the Marxists.

Yep, anybody taking LSD in 2011 is wasting their money.

Navy SEALs Don't Squeal

2011-05-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

Now how did that get out? And should I take it as having happened with some policy purpose in mind, or just juicy pseudo-gossip from people who should've known better?

This whole thing about they found porn at Bin Laden's house I mean...

What to type about first David? America's romance with elite military units, or the importance of keeping secrets, or the seeming stupidity of announcing to the world that porn was found at Bin Laden's house? Hmmm... hang on, I'm sensing the embryonic swirling mists of a semi-coherent narrative...

OK, I'm fairly sure that America first became enamored with uber-warriors during WW2.
There were the Marines slugging it out with the Japs on islands with funny names, and it sort of entered our collective consciousness about then, that ALL our fighting men were brave, handsome and above average, but those Marines were just badass badasses.

I'm not sure why as the decades rolled, smaller groups of warriors seemed to capture the pop culture imagination. There were the Green Berets in Vietnam. And there was Delta Force some in the 1980's. Not sure if we spent much time with the Army Rangers, but am pretty sure they got some attention along the way. Now it's Navy SEALs, the American ninjas!

Maybe our fascination with smaller units of uber-warriors stems from our fighting smaller wars after WW2... not really sure.

But I am pretty darned sure? It wasn't some Navy SEAL twittering to his girlfriend that announced to the world Bin Laden had porn. Those kinds of soldiers don't do stuff like that. They take themselves VERY seriously, and loose talk would be unprofessional in their world.

To them keeping secrets safe is part of the mystique of an organization to which they've devoted a big chunk of their lives. In government though, keeping secrets is an important part of doing biz. You never let anything out without a purpose.

What purpose is served by telling the world that Bin Laden had porn? The whole funeral at sea gag, I get that. Splendid idea really. Arabic culture loves shrines.

But I can only conclude allowing gossip on his DVD collection is amatuerish. For part of the Arab world, Bin Laden is their Pancho Villa or Robin Hood. They're not going to believe Bin Laden had "Confessions of a Naughty Cable guy" and it must look to them like an attempt to besmirch the memory of a slain General.

So much for 'winning hearts & minds' I suppose...

The Behinder I Get

2011-04-22T04:51:00.000-07:00

Well the days just didn't grow legs and walk off, did they David? They must be around here somewhere!

Eh, feeling way around new job. Particularly active tornado season this year. Young woman seems to have disappeared into thin air about 20 miles east. All that kind of stuff can make a person trend reflective.

I gotta watch out for that crap! I don't want to become a deep, soulful person who speaks in hushed tones about the infinite. Nobody has much use for such people.

Like Socrates for example? I don't think he was ordered to drink hemlock because he was seen as undermining authority. Naw, probably not that at all! Mostly, just got to the point where he was annoying. So I don't want to be like Socrates.

The factory Food drive finishes up next week. I wouldn't call it a spectacular success in human terms. I sure don't think the local food bank will need its shelves reinforced due to our contribution.

But next year we do better.

I Heart Heart

2011-03-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

Some people might think being an intellectual requires me to be rather parsimonious in my praise for 'common' things, and reflexively dismissive of anything 'pop culture.'

It's not that way at all though. For example, while I will always dearly love the Marx Brothers, I sure do admire much of the 3 Stooges' work. Except for Shemp; he's just creepy.

My opinion, if one is stuck with being an 'intellectual' it should be defined as an expanded range of things to delight in, versus some snooty isolationist perspective.

Like that with music too. I really like Jim White, Tom Waits and 16 Horsepower. I realize that puts me in a minority. The mature view is to neither revel in the obscurity of things I appreciate, nor judge unfairly work with far wider appeal.
So I like Heart. I really really like Heart. But just the first 2 albums. The rest of their body of work is fairly pedestrian.

But 'Dreamboat Annie' and 'Little Queen' is some amazing stuff. Totally different than anything on the radio at the time. I'm listening to it right now. There's a defiant confidence in the music, quite rare for newbies. I'd say 'Dreamboat' is right up there with best 1st efforts in history of rock & roll; quite comparable to Lynrd Skynrd's first actually.

So I enjoy stuff other people like, OK? I just happen to like some weird stuff too.

Guess that applies to Tennessee as well. I enjoy looking at mountains in the morning. My favorite kind of mountains to look at are the killers who silently wait for unprepared fools. That's what I like to look at in the morning.

Instead, this morning I sipped coffee on my deck and looked down from my hilltop perch at the trees and rooftops of hillbilly land. There's a lot here to appreciate too though.

Never have felt myself a native of this land; more like some karmic diplomatic hostage, held with widely varying levels of courtesy at times, for the safekeeping of others. I really have no idea how it feels to be a native here, only that it must have its benefits.

Nor can I really understand how it feels to be a tourist here, only that it can be a really interesting place for tourists, with a knowledgeable guide.

So I'm going to gas up Mustang Lucy, and take my tourist son for a long ride.
"Heading out this morning into the sun"...

Well actually it's overcast. You ever try to find a song lyric that rhymes with 'overcast'? It's not easy, I'll promise ya that.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

Not Mad 4 March Madness

2011-03-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

This is one of those times of the year when I know more than usual, I ain't exactly mainstream.

Not that reminders of that are in short supply any time of the year, but this is when everybody is talking 'Sweet 16' and 'final 4' and of course, their 'brackets.'

Well. Am I disparaging of President Obama because he announced his 'brackets' with much fanfare? Naw, not really. I have plenty other reasons to be disparaging of him.
But realistically, he has to stay tight with a public image much of his base relates to, that's all.

It is kinda scary to me that a US President might be spending more time thinking about college basketball than events in Japan, but hey? His supporters will tend to think their man is SO super freakin' awesome cool, he can think about Japan AND college basketball with no deletirious effects to either project.

Hmmm, what was I gonna type about... oh yeah! This whole NOT being in the mainstream thing!!!

Well it's certainly there all the time, and VERY noticeable when I walk in on heated discussions of whether UTEP can beat Rutgers, but I guess I don't mind it that much.

My thinking, everybody has three names. You have the name God gave you, the name this world will give you, and the name you make up for yourself in response to the world.

If I tried to give myself a name that rhymes with 'digs college basketball' I'd be dishonest.

Best I can tell, my God given name just has a lot to do with knowing obscure things that delight and inspire me.

College basketball just doesn't interest me, and I don't care whether it consumes every other brain on the planet. I'd rather spend my idle hours pondering on Dr. Willem Kolff, Virginia Hall, or Minnie Vautrin.

And sure, I spend a good bit of time thinking about suicidal grasshoppers, termite symbiosis and bird migration too.

And on people, I often find myself considering people with legacies far harder to sort out, like Albert Speer or Robert Oppenheimer.

But I don't think much about college basketball. Apparently, not the sort of work God designed me for. Hey, little known fact from the history of great spies?

Virginia Hall had a killer jumpshot. Imagine that, and her with a wooden leg too!

Well... I've never read any scholarship that proved she DIDN'T have a killer jumpshot, OK?

Idiot Killers get Caught

2011-03-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

Well it's going to take a lot of self-discipline to keep this thing going apparently.
Most people don't like being disciplined. There is however a certain percentage of
the population...

Some guy in a ritzy Memphis suburb is in legal trouble for running an S&M B&B.
Now personally, I'm a very open minded person, and it's none of my biz what two
or more consenting adults do behind closed doors. It would be however, the city of Memphis' biz, if it's your biz to profit by facilitating said conduct.

Me personally, I have only two issues with an S&M B&B. First, I think that's too many ampersands. Second, what do they serve for breakfast?

Bigger legal issues, pain not as form of foreplay, wanton idiocy wreaking havoc on
strangers who have no 'safe' word is more on my mind right now though.

I've never been in prison, except to visit people. (I have LOADS of interesting friends & relatives)So maybe I've no right to judge those who escape from prison
when they have maybe only two years left on their sentence.

I suppose it's bad being in prison. There aren't any girls in there, at least not any
'original equipment' females, and the food is bad. Wardrobe choices are very limited, and I for one do like to dress stylishly.

These two fellows who escaped a Louisiana jail and were finally caught today in Memphis, they killed a guy in Mississippi. They're headed straight to Death Row.

Who did they think they were I wonder. They killed somebody's husband, a father of four, for a vehicle. The sovereign state of Mississippi is going to exact vengeance
for the widow and the orphans. There won't be any breakfast for those two idiots, one of these mornings.

Times like these of course, it's not popular being a death penalty opponent. I'm judicious in my comments as nice people talk of their very justified blood lust.
I don't say much of anything at all really. The most I ever say is, "It won't bring back the dead."

About Grenades

2011-03-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

Well, is that the actual speeling? They could be 'Gernades' and would be just fine with me.

So I'm watching episode V of 'Great Alaskan Mystery' and our hero just tossed a Grrrnade at the bad guys. Our hero is played by Milburn Stone, Doc from the 'Gunsmoke' TV show. In this Great Alaskan Mystery of course, he's somewhat younger.

I just can't figger how he came by the Grrrnade though. In the plot, he's a former Marine pilot who is now civilian due to war wounds. Guadalcanal has been referenced several times, but we're not told the nature of our hero's wounds. So far though? I think the Japs shot him in the personality.

WHERE did he get the Grrrnade from? If they gave those things out as parting gifts to discharged WW2 pilots, I've sure never read anything about it.

Let's just assume he's a sloppy packer. Probably has a loaded Bazooka mixed in with his dirty underwear too.

But WHY do American soldiers bite Grrrnades? They do it every time. Yep, they bite the pin off the Grrrnade before throwing it. As a kid in California, bet I watched "Combat!" every week, starring Vic Morrow. On that show, American soldiers invariably bit the pin off Grrrnades before throwing them.

The German soldiers never bit their Grrrnades, not as I recall. Now, German grrrnades didn't have that metallic pineapple look that our anti-personnel devices did. German grrrnades looked like an oil filter with a stick stuck in it.

On the surface of it, that would seem humiliating. The Germans invented a 'no-bite' grrrnade, since they were the master race and all. Here's what I think...

The Nazi war machine HAD to invent a 'no-bite' grrrnade because all their soldiers had bad teeth. This project of course diverted their best Scientific minds for quite some time, which is why we got the A-bomb before the Krauts did.

WOW! The toothbrush is real reason us good guys won WW2? And all this time I thought it was because John Wayne was on our side...

This is Inappropriate!

2011-02-25T11:47:00.000-08:00

There is no excuse for a writer not writing.

Hmmm... well broken fingers David, that'd be a good excuse.

Don't start with me David!

Life's certainly changed backdrops since I started this humble documentation of how I've managed to elude mental health authorities so well and for so long... so far.

But it's only the backdrop that has changed; the play remains the same.

It's the fight to define yourself without drifting into the Golden Calf construction biz. It's about struggling to do the right thing for the RIGHT reason.

Feed the hungry because you're so freakin' cool... well the hungry still get a meal, but some small amount of evil has been released into the world by that 'good' act.

Feed the hungry first because Jesus said to, and second with heart realization we're all hungry, all the time, but only in various ways? That's the right way, and no demons get fed by such an attitude.

That is what the play is about. A passion to define yourself, but in a way that doesn't dot the landscape with Golden Calves.

Calf is a very funny word. Why is the 'L' silent? I wonder if the silent letters in words ever get jealous of the letters that get pronounced. It's just like 'talk' now why is that poor 'L' the only silent letter in a word that describes the opposite of silence?

Uhm... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the play! Well I started this blog with intent to remind myself and others, you might be 60 some day in the future. What sort of 60yo you are is up to you.

There are 60yo people who live fascinating (why is there a 'C' in fascinating? Isn't that redundant? Oh shut up David!) lives, while there are others the very same age who are owned by the forces of entropy. Who decides these things? I suppose we as individuals do.

I still believe that forcefully. But again? It's a right thing to decide what kind of old person you'll become, yet infinitely more valuable to make those choices for the right reasons.

I realize I have to be more diligent in scribbling in here, and I'll see to that. The play goes on; it's only backdrops that change really. How have I changed? Hmmm... well I tend to think less about what people owe me, and more about what I owe people. And I tend to smile a lot. Other than that though, I'm a disappointment in the metamorphisis biz I reckon.

Got to go to Olive Branch now...

It never fails

2011-02-13T11:37:00.000-08:00

I'm getting older but not much wiser. My supply of answers can't ever seem to catch up with my supply of questions. I wind up saying, "hmm, that's interesting" a LOT more than I'd like to at this point in life.

Hey, did I tell you I'm growing my beard back? Well I am. Naw, not one of those ZZ Top beards, cause that's just creepy. More something well groomed and dignified I should think. I just can't do the little goatee thing anymore. Technically, I think that look is called a 'Van Dyke' anyway. Which is weird because I used to watch the Dick Van Dyke show a lot, and never saw any facial hair...

Uhm, what was I talking about? Oh yeah! Part of wisdom is your head is a peaceful enough place where supposedly antagonistic concepts can be friends. Like this for example?

The world is a VERY big place. The world ain't a big place at all, when you're in it. Those two concepts can't possibly both make sense at the same time, right?
But they do. And I don't care how many 'first three visits half price!' coupons I get from psychiatrists.

I was supposed to be watching the sun rise at Machu Pichu this morning. Yeah, no kidding. A bit of technical difficulty over the past few years interfered with that there plan though.

Machu Pichu is a long ways from here; that's just a fact. But the same sun that rises over Machu Pichu rises over Lexington, TN.

Nobody's been by here lately fitting me for a halo. I'd still rather be at Machu Pichu on this day, a particular day that has more numerical significance for me than I can explain.

But y'know something? (this is the part where I get all trippy) It's not what you look at, but the health of the eyes that look upon it. That's what I mean by the world being small when you're in it. Everything you can see in this big old world, you'll see it with your two relatively small eyeballs.

This world is as big or as small as your eyes. The mental/spiritual health of your eyes, the power of observation and analysis Watson. That's a lot more important than what you happen to be looking at, any given moment.

This world is as big, or as small as your eyes.

Deadly sex and instant zombies

2011-02-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

I recall exactly where I was when first heard of what'd later be called AIDS. Early 1980's and I was driving a Pontiac sunbird home from Church.

The radio man said a mysterious disease was killing homosexuals. It wouldn't stay mysterious for long.

That was more than twenty years ago, long before we learned that Rock Hudson was homosexual. Heck, back then we weren't even sure about Elton John, but most of us had our suspicions.

I mention that to note my membership in the last generation to reach sexual maturity before there was a fatal venereal disease. It'd be pretty difficult to imagine all the ways that makes me fundamentally different from people now in their 20's. But I'm certain it's there.

Not that the reality of AIDS has made people more careful, not that I can tell. The culture seems a lot more sexualized now than it did when I was young. The effect is much more subtle; it's a kind of fatalism present that must be accepted generally and denied specifically.

I don't recall a moment I learned about Crack or Meth. I remember Richard Pryor catching himself on fire, but with the instant zombie plague awareness slowly came to me I guess. First came the awareness there was something cheaper and more powerful than powdered cocaine hitting urban areas.

And then the hillbillys got into the act with Meth. I'm not the first to observe how much Meth manufacture/distribution resembles the moonshine biz. But it has changed our culture a lot, the convenience of the whole thing.

We were a much different culture overall, back when getting high on illegal drugs was more inconvenient. Oh, I'm certain that drug users would protest how it's still pretty damned inconvenient.

But to me it looks convenient. That's changed the culture by drawing more people in. Instant zombies are no longer an easily identified subset of the population.

Nope, I'm not pulling a 'back in my day' rant here. Just observing those are two ways I've seen the culture fundamentally changed while I was knocking around a few decades. Impossible to say what other changes are just around the corner.

Don't spend a lot of time thinking on stuff that you'll never figure out. There's no profit in it. Try to steer towards thinking about what's unchanging among these shifting sands.

PAT!!!

2011-01-31T15:44:00.000-08:00

It's Monday in Hooterville. Up in St. Louis, only 150 miles due north, they get 14 inches of snow tomorrow night. The only weather question here in my part of Tennessee is whether we get maybe less than inch of sleet/snow or massive thunderstorms. Notice how I used 'weather' and 'whether' in the same sentence?

That's called alliteration... or maybe a palindrome. All I know for sure is they shouldn't make HS students take English Comp. on hot days right after lunch. I'm getting sleepy just remembering about it!

So I went to the local vocational-rehab place today. I have a new product coming on line in March. The customer wants the product partially assembled before it hits his assembly line. Not much to it really. Form a plastic strap into a circle and start a 10-24 screw through the hole.

I go to vocational-rehab centers for that sort of job. Now is where we play perspective bingo... let's have fun!!!

Dude, instead of paying someone a decent wage to do that, you go to a place that employs retarded people! And the lower price they do the work for is subsidized by tax payers! BOO, HISS evil greedy business guy David!

Well I suppose that's one way of looking at it. When I explain my actions to anybody, is only because I'm fond of that person. It's me being gracious.

Considering all the enormously idiotic things our government spends tax payer dollars on, subsidizing steady work for retarded people is like the Apollo program in comparison.
Retarded people are like that for a variety of reasons. Not enough oxygen getting to their brains during birth. Mom had measles while pregnant. An extra chromosone. They're Americans too, and all of us came within a hair's thickness of being them.

Getting them out to a place where they can work, earn a wage, give their parents time to breathe and run errands, that's all good. I'm happy my tax dollars subsidize that. I'm happy to send them some work.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about; I was being gracious just then. What I want to know is why retarded people are more friendly than we 'normal' folk with our triple digit IQ's.

A man in his fifties with a walker next to his chair turned around and said, "I'm Andrew, I'm from Lexington. Who are you? Where are you from?"

A man in late thirties with Cerebral Palsy AND mentally retarded (how's that feeling sorry for yourself thing working out?) walked up, told me his name was James, told me he was glad to see me.

A young man walked up to me. Hair parted in the middle, soft blonde curls. He could've stepped out of a Rembrandt painting really. He smiled broadly at me, patted his chest and said, "Pat!"

I thought, 'well son, your parents sure did name you right, as it turned out' but what I sincerely said was, "Pat, I'm very glad to meet you. I'm David."

I could've been any of these people. You could've been any of these people.

Had my meeting with the center managers, then went back to my factory, where we all have triple digit IQ's. On my way out the door, James asked if I knew his Momma and Daddy. Told him I don't think so.

What I wonder about is why are retarded people friendlier than smart people?

Where's my List?

2011-01-26T15:58:00.000-08:00

I like to make lists of things to do, and then cross them off. It's very satisfying. I've even made lists of lists I need to make.

That's not obsessive/compulsive behavior. The way I am about worrying while at work did I turn off the coffee maker, now that's obsessive/compulsive.

Making a list of tasks to be done has about four rock solid benefits...

First, it's an aid in thinking about what's important. Act of making a list takes you briefly from the reactive to proactive mode.

Second, the list is often useful documentation for later. As in, 'yeah I turned off the coffee maker' for example.

Fourth, I'm not just really good at math, I know bunches of other stuff too. One of those is how we can trick our brains in our best interest. A lot of good things you should do, they may not yield immediate gratification in the realms of human endeavor. Your brain, aside from the many wonderful things it can do, is just another bodily organ. It runs on glandular secretions too. IF you can adopt a routine of crossing items off lists, you can get your brain to shoot you a little endorphin (AKA happy juice) so that's a good thing.

This is why I make lists. Lists are important to me. So... where's my list of people I pray for? I pray for LOTS of people.

Why hasn't my organized approach to daily life extended to my prayer life? Is it that I don't take prayer as seriously as I do engineering?

My Ride's Here... Again

2011-01-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

"he said Bravos you better ready to fight,
or we'll never get out of east Texas tonight"
Mr. Zevon (1947-2003)

Are you much of a risk taker? Well think about it, are you?
I'm not much of a gambler myself, not really. What's always looked daring to others seemed fairly mundane to me.

Only times I've ever taken a big chance was when I found myself in big trouble. Those times, you've got precious little left to lose either way the dice land.

Some would say my opting to leave the Batesville job for Lexington was a risk. The only real inherent risk there is whether I can be in Lexington every day without eventually choking somebody. I was driving 700 miles a week with the Batesville job. Really bad wrecks on that commute at least once a week.

The challenge with Lexington was whether I'd go there a petulant, resentful child or with the right spirit. I certainly wasn't scared about jumping into a totally foreign manufacturing technology.

That's because I've got a lot of talent. You do too, if you'd just stop and take inventory now & then. Every person has many amazing abilities. You shouldn't feel discouraged if your abilities don't appear to be very marketable. No matter how mediocre you think you are, you were provided all needed tools to build a joyful life. Learn to use YOUR tools, we're burning daylight here!

Me, I'm still sitting right beside you in God's big Shop class. Uhm... what's all this 'We can beat Notre Dame' junk got to do with taking risks? Well you see, it's like this. The top tray in my personal tool box? All hammers! Yep, no kidding!

A book about me would make intensely boring reading. At least 150 pages would be nothing but 'Bam bam! Bam bam bam!' But I lift up that top tray, there are other tools in the box. It could be more hammers, which would be TOTALLY AWESOME, but I suspect it's strange new tools. You can't pick up the new tool David, unless first you put down the hammer. That there friends is risk.

I believe in omens and spirit guides. The Tudor cottage was shown to me via odd circumstance. The owners are moving out of it this weekend, after having a 'For Sale' sign in the yard for 18+ months. They wish to move to Colorado and so they're going. I'm already renting an apartment. A lease/purchase opportunity is in front of me.

Hammer says houses aren't exactly selling fast in north Mississippi right now, wouldn't it be prudent to stay in a holding pattern for now?

Just about 100 percent of gambles I've ever done, they were forced on me by external conditions. I don't think I've ever run up to a risk and thrown my arms around it. Maybe it's time for me to experience that.

Learn Shoe Repair at Home

2011-01-05T14:41:00.000-08:00

Yeah, when anybody wins some $100M lottery prize, it spawns some wishful thinking and downright envy in the population at large.

Now why so many of us are even at large, I have no idea. Probably has to do with that whole 'deinstitutionalization' movement back in the late 1970's. Deinstitutionalization is a VERY fun word to type though...

When non-lottery winners are daydreaming about owning castles and such? There's one aspect of material wealth they probably fail to consider. $100M means you never again have to do anything you find uncomfortable.

You'll never again have to speak with someone you don't like. You'll never have to go anywhere you don't want to go. You don't even have to floss your own teeth.

Well congratulations! Because in that aspect of obscene material wealth, you've arrived, in spirit at least. We're all of us already avoiding things we find uncomfortable, every chance we get.

Some things that make us uncomfortable, there's a darned good reason they should. I'm not talking about that kind of thing. I'm talking about learning shoe repair at home!!!

Has oft been said, You never understand a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Let's attribute that to Abe Lincoln. What the heck, he always gets the folksy platitudes laid to his legacy, right?

Well, I think shoe swapping is questionable from a hygeine perspective, unless you know the person really well. If you already know him well, no point in the whole mile walking experiment anyway. Why not walk a mile in YOUR shoes instead?

What makes you uncomfortable, and why? Naw, it's not a trick question! I realize that many things where a sense of unease attends, these things happen real quick in dynamic situations.

You know it darned well when you're experiencing it, but it's not the sort of situation lends itself to your calmly taking notes.

But there are some recurring themes, if you'll think about it. These are your shoes you're wearing, so why don't you go nuts and walk a mile in them and really understand you?

Maybe your shoes are just dandy, but mine are rundown at the heels and the laces keep coming untied. So here's some of what makes me uncomfortable. You make your own list, send it to me if you wish.

I'm uncomfortable around retarded people. Nope, that's not lead in for a lame self-deprecating joke. I really am intensely uncomfortable around retarded people.
Reason for that is likely cause my identity is so wrapped up with my alleged intellectual powers.

I'm uncomfortable when I walk up to any soldier or veteran and say 'Thank you for my freedom.' Used to say 'Thank you for your service' which didn't bother me. But at length I came to decide? The tepid sterility of 21st century English won't be applied by me to those who've protected me. 'Thank you for your service' sounds like something you tell a waitress at Applebee's.

Most recent time I said 'Thank you for my freedom' was to a guy doddering around the grocery store wearing a "WW2 Veteran" ball cap. It made me uncomfortable. Reason for that I think? 'Thanks for your service' is impersonal. Served this great nation, Mom's Apple Pie, etc. while 'Thank you for my freedom' expresses MY need, MY dependence on another.

But after you know, after you come to realize mealy-mouthed platitudes don't pass the Sullivan Ballou test for expressing gratitude to our soldiers, it makes you LESS comfortable to mumble 'Thanks for your service.'

And I guess that's what I'm getting at. Sure did take me a lot of words, huh? If you'll think, really think about some recurring things that make you uncomfortable, maybe you'll decide you don't want to be the sort of person who avoids that brand of discomfort. And by doing that, some metaphysical transmutation occurs where your shoes are repaired; it's lots more comfortable walking around in them. You might try it? Crazier plans have succeeded.

Deinstitutionalization, Deinstitutionalization, Deinstitutionalization, Deinstitutionalization... I LOVE typing that word!!!

Oh Prometheus!

2011-01-03T15:39:00.000-08:00

Thinking you are totally in charge of your life's direction is like being the optimistic deckhand on the Titanic.

On the one hand, your delusion isn't going to influence outcomes much. On the other hand though? If it makes you happy to think you're in control right up to the minute you learn you're not, what the heck!

It doesn't really matter whether your last words are "I think I see the Carpathia coming!" or "Damned Iceberg."

My question though? In the words of Paul Simon, you 'lived so well so long' with supreme confidence in your ability to choose your battles, so...

What kind of person are you going to be now you know, well... you're pretty good at doing complex math problems. How will it change you to learn that somewhere in that huge quadratic equation you've always believed describes your life, you've got a math term transposed?

It's not a math term at all really. I was just trying to be nice. It's a Hopi pictograph; a turtle on a fence post.

1. The turtle didn't get up on that fence post all by itself. (Even if the turtle thinks he did.)
2. The turtle's next move, without the beneficent intervention of some external force, likely isn't going to be pleasant.

That beautiful quadratic equation you worked so hard to perfect, and it's got a dang Hopi pictograph slap in the middle of it!

If someone showed that to you, what kind of person would you be after that?

Well I don't know either, all right? Just cause I have a blog doesn't make me some sort of Nostradumbass!

I would kinda suspect finding a Hopi pictograph in the midst of one's beautifully formulated, uhm... formula, would negatively influence the output of declarative sentences in the future.

You can't do everything, so let it be. But don't turn jackass of another color on me, and comfort yourself that you can't do anything. You can do lots of really cool stuff.

Like me for instance? For one thing, when it gets cold in this apartment, I go upstairs, look and see if a little red light is blinking. If it is, I unplug the heating unit and then plug it back in. Now I ask you, isn't that cool?

Well it sure is cool in here when that red light is blinking, I'll tell you that. But wait, there's even more!

Thursday I'm driving to St. Louis to look at a mold! That's not all I do though, I do other stuff! Last night I cooked spaghetti... it was bloody inedible! I ate two plates of it just to be certain.

And I'm being dragged kicking & screaming to speak out on child hunger. I sure don't want to. People will think I'm an annoying jerk (psst... they already do already David) which would be fine if I felt confident I'm getting through to people, which I don't think I am.

But I just have a burden in my heart for child hunger, and the only thing makes it go away is when I'm doing something about it.

So I'm doing some cool stuff. What cool stuff are you doing?

I'm going to have to figure out a way to manage with this Hopi pictograph in the middle of my otherwise beautiful quadratic equation. I've tried erasing it, just comes back. And now the turtle is grinning at me! I didn't know turtles could do that, did you?

Among the Natives

2010-12-15T16:56:00.000-08:00

I will have to work hard to keep this journal of my time in this dark, mapless land.

Dr. Throckmorton discovered an entirely unknown species of boa constrictor last week. Unfortunately it discovered him before he discovered it. We will miss him.

Two weeks ago I joined the savages for worship in their house of prayer. It was crowded, but the service was pleasant. The sermon was about before Jesus came into the world, nobody was required to forgive you, and you weren't required to forgive anybody.

In the pre-Jesus days, the entire world operated on 'eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.' What that gets us eventually is a lot of blind people who can't enjoy corn on the cob.

Corn on the cob is quite delicious, although I don't believe it was a staple of Mediterranen diets back then. Must remember to ask Dr. Throckmorton about that... oh, never mind.

A question has come up among the natives about whether one should forgive those who've not asked for forgiveness. In this land, I'm not regarded as a learned sage, nor even a basil or oregano for that matter.

I'm accepted as a fellow tribe member who crazily went off wandering. To the natives, it would seem all I learned in my journeys is of less value than what I'd have learned by staying around the village. The natives don't ask my counsel; they tell me the code of their tribe.

I understand they feel no need to forgive those who've not repented. But if all dialogue stops there, well? I can't change the laws of this tribe. Yet if we say in our hearts we won't do forgiveness until another has repented, aren't we washing our hands of the matter, as Pilate did?

Thoughts on this strange land

2010-11-30T15:09:00.000-08:00

Lexington, TN was founded around 1830 and sits at 300 ft. above sea level halfway between Nashville and Memphis.

Around 7,000 live in Lexington, ten percent of them below the poverty line. The poverty line runs diagonally with Main St. then takes a sharp right turn at the housing project. Naw, just kidding about that last part. The poverty line isn't formally demarcated in geographical terms; it's more vividly delineated in other ways though.

Why doesn't Lexington have a food pantry? There is the old City school that's been turned into a 'community center.' Surely it has at least one former classroom that'd suffice for food pantry HQ rent-free.

There are at least a dozen and perhaps two dozen Churches in Lexington. Added to that, there is the usual mix of fraternal groups. So potential volunteers exist, and a serviceable organizational infrastructure exists. So why doesn't Lexington have a food pantry?

Uhmm... let me see. Because they'd stay out of food 3/4 of the time? Well that's likely true, but what about that other 1/4 of the time? Wouldn't they be sending people home with some canned goods and a few boxes of macaroni & cheese?

A loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter? This week I will contact Hope Ministries. It sits in threadbare dignity in one of the poorest sections of Lexington; street I used to live on in fact.

I want to learn more about the faith of these natives.

Back at base camp

2010-11-27T15:18:00.000-08:00

These few days away from Lexington have been nice, but I want to get back to the job. There is much to learn, there are ongoing projects I'm expected to lead soon.

It was comforting to have the Mustang with me in Lexington last week. While grateful for the use of company truck, I didn't feel free to move among the natives in that wild savage land during my first week.

I've been this last week to some of the natives' homes. I find them friendly and open-hearted. One of them gave me a Joan Baez record.

The coming week will be filled with activity. I will be inducted into some fraternal organization the primitives call 'Friends of the Library.' It's possible too I may run out of pot pies and canned chili, so a provisioning excursion into the bush seems likely.

I've invited members of a hostile tribe to join me at a neutral location for a meal. That will happen Thursday, if I get my will updated by then. I've been warned about one warrior of this splinter group; it's said he's a dopehead. That may be, but he is my blood relative. So I will break bread with this hostile tribe, while watching out for blow guns.

The atmosphere at base camp alternates between relaxed and tense. While it's refreshing to be surrounded by familiar sights & sounds, I can sense the wilderness calling me.

I can't push myself too far into the unknown regions without periods of rest. But it's my job to explore.

How Endothermic Human Reactions Work

2010-11-18T15:39:00.000-08:00

A guy told me today about last night's scene in his wife's six years and counting battle with cancer. Pain med perscription hadn't come in mail on time; he was driving 30 miles to get a few 'get-by' pills for her. All agreed to by Doctor, and then he got jammed up with a nurse who misunderstood. Worked out OK this time though.

Interesting how people open up to you, when you come across as a safe place to unburden. It's not that you're so wonderful, just that you're neutral polarity. Wonder what the equation for something like that would look like, hmmm...

Well shear force is what acts in a non-direct angle against another force. So a person with troubles, there's a force inside him wanting other humans just to understand what he's going through. Humans have lots of ways besides verbal to convey, "I don't really care; I've my stuff to worry about." That's the human shear force.

Gotta be a way to graph human shear force. More narrow the angle of deflection or greater the shear force, the more energy is applied against the force that wants to unburden a little to a fellow human.

If the human shear force graphs high enough, the unburdening force is stopped cold. But not really cold. Sir Isaac proved energy is indestructible. A man so smart, he got a fig cookie named after him!

When it's about forces in motion? The shear force slows or even stops motion. The motion energy is changed to heat at point of contact. Friction. An object in motion by some force can get really hot on the outside when it's stopped suddenly.

But humans are made of chemicals, so I think the shear force acts against the unburdening force in an endothermic reaction.

There are some chemicals, you can bring them to full boil separately, then pour them together and the beaker is cold to the touch. That because the kinetic energy of heated liquids is suddenly trapped in chemical reaction. The heat's still there, but it's now inward heat.

Maybe that's how shear force/unburdening force works among humans, like an endothermic chemical reaction. You can stop people from telling you their troubles. You're not stopping the force that makes them want to feel fellowship though. Perhaps you're turning it into unhelpful interior heat.

I'm glad I listened to the guy. I hate there've been so many times I'd have brushed him off. Hope there won't be any more such times of that behavior from me.

Day Two in this Strange Land

2010-11-16T15:39:00.000-08:00

Trevor got in quicksand yesterday and the last we saw of him was a pith helmet... no wait, that's a Tarzan movie. My journey of exploration without a map goes fairly smooth so far; no quicksand encountered yet.

I'm happy but surprised that Lucy the Mustang only needed a new battery. Sounded to me like the motor was doing sufficient rpm's to crank, but I'm glad to be wrong this time. It's tremendously helpful my boss gave me use of the company truck this week.

April will come fetch me on Friday; Sunday after Church I drive Ms. Lucy back into this wild, uncharted country.

I'm getting along well with the natives, but then again many explorers have thought that right up to the last minute, agreed? There is a machine at the convenience store at bottom of the hill... I need to say a few words on that topic.

It's a modified version of the penny pitching machines I was first introduced to at Long Beach's New Pike amusement park, around 1964.

Penny pitchers, glass covered table with many sets of little concentric circles, each having a number. Goal is to scoot your penny through the narrow slot so it lands to complete electrical circuit between the concentric circles. If done, whatever number is on that spot, that's how many pennies the machine shoots you back.

Were such machines to even exist nowadays, I think they'd have to up the voltage in the concentric circles. Pennies are now copper clad zinc, and zinc's not a good conductor. Besides, who wants to win a bunch of pennies? So both electrically and intrinsically, a penny ain't what it was in 1964.

This quarter machine down at the convenience store? About the size of a jukebox. It's a moving shelf gag. One scoots his quarter through the slot in hopes it will achieve some critical mass with other quarters on the moving plate, and a bonanza of two bit pieces will fall into the payoff slot.

Sounds complex I know, but the handwritten sign on the machine isn't complex at all. It's beautiful prose, so succinct I think Hemingway would be jealous.

"Have enough quarters because if you have to go get change you lose your place in line."

Something about exactly like that I'm pretty sure, is what the sign said. So there's often a line of people waiting to feed quarters to that monster, huh?

Wonder how many police officers stop in that convenience store every week and walk right past that machine? That's an illegal gambling device.

And Away We Go... Again

2010-11-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

I love humans, we're hilarious! Hey dig me, I redecorated my blog. See? Am TOO in control of my fate! That's a Vermeer painting; he didn't favor landscapes. He found delight in interior views.

So it's time to change blog content too. These past two years have been interesting, but a new life chapter officially begins today. I'm no longer going to be pointing out silly things in the news. Wish I could say it's because I've run out of material but nope, not that!

To think I know WHY I'm being sent back to Lexington would mean I didn't learn a blessed thing these past two years. I only know a path was cleared and I was invited to take it. After some deliberation I decided to go.

Quite my nature to go exploring, but I've always insisted on a detailed map of places I'll be going. Occurs to me at the back end of these two years, I drew those maps myself. So I drew a map of a place I'd never been yet. Well, a worthless map can be a comforting thing to have along when journeying to unknown places, that's all I'm saying.

Now I know I don't have a map. So a blog content change is in order.

One thing I'm pretty certain about? I'll soon be invited to see things I've looked at before. There's an important distinction between seeing and looking at.

And I'll be trying to see lots of things I never even looked at before. An engineering role awaits that's entirely different from anything I've known. I don't even know enough about it to predict my chances for victory.

So there will be many things to write about. Exploration without a map; not even a worthless map I drew myself beforehand.

Uppity Asians

2010-11-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

Well I see Burma is having elections, hmmm... wonder what they're voting on? Probably which color for the jackboots crushing their windpipes. So it could go either way I guess, black or brown.

It's not Burma anymore, not technically. It's Myamar or something. There's ingratitude for ya. British empire worked hard marching red coats all over that part of the world, providing them easily pronounceable names.

Now there's no more Bombay, Calcutta, or Peking. What is it with those folks in Asia? I think they're just trying to be difficult.

President Obama is over there right now, presumably to make the case our Asian trading partners actually contribute to US job growth. Hmmm... interesting ground to stake out. Perhaps Mr. Obama can get millions of unemployed Americans to believe that; but I know darned well the Indians and Chinese don't believe it.

And that's a really funny thing about how this East/West dance is shaping up. We think we're playing checkers, and the other folks are playing chess. The Indians and Chinese are economic nationalists.

To them, all Western talk about "we'll raise their per capita income and then they'll be able to purchase manufactured goods from us" is hilarious. They don't see a future like that. Asian leaders see themselves as the recipients of a massive importation of manufacturing expertise, paid for with low labor costs.

Indians and Chinese don't foresee some future where they buy US made chainsaws. They'll make their own chainsaws.

Interesting question is who really has the upper hand in Asia; China or India? Controversially, I believe it's India.

In the weird little quirks that history often provides, India is in much better position for the 2010 global economy, due to a 19th century spent with red coats.

Law, business and accounting according to Western practice has been well known in India for over 150 years now. It's ingrained there; not a second language but mother tongue. Hey? Did you know a guy used to export New England ice to India, early 1800's? Yeah, that's a hilarious story, but must stay on topic.

China, enormous land with lots of natural resources. Those murdering thugs in charge are very adept at locking up even more natural resources. You thought I was gonna say locking up dissidents, didn't ya? Well they're really good at that too, but I was talking about something else. Africa is swarming with Chinese right now, wherever there are natural resources to be optioned. I don't know if the Chinese have begun mining copper in Afghanistan yet, but the deal's been signed.

But the middle kingdom is really new to ground level capitalism. Modern business, there are hundreds of transactional points along the way where corruption and corner cutting impact efficiency. It's there that India has edge over China.

Nothing in the News

2010-11-03T17:44:00.000-07:00

It's the dangedest thing, not a blessed thing to report on... oh wait! I heard there was some sort of election yesterday!

At this writing, it appears the jerks stomped the idiots. Well, there's a contest we can all be excited about.

I really don't think the GOP knows what's going on, yet. Party power structure interprets as votes against Obama. Well... that's not it.

Now here's a historical funny, bear with me? There used to be a chain of KKK Grocery stores. Yep, Indiana early 1900's. Those stores quickly went broke, because Klan sympathizers more enjoyed being against coloreds, jews and them catholics than being for something.

Majority of American voters though, through most of our history, cast votes FOR something; not against. We're a really funny people. And by funny, I don't mean 'Ha ha' Rodney Dangerfield funny. Nope. I mean we're a 'funny' people like somebody you wouldn't wish to sit next to on an airplane. But that's how we are and we're pretty much stuck with it.

The GOP makes a painful miscalculation, if it thinks voters elected them to be
anti-Obama. I hate when it falls on me to say stuff nobody else is saying...

Americans think 'Trillion' is a very frightening word. They don't like to hear that word associated with Federal government activities. Tell them Science has discovered a planet made of chocolate chip Ice Cream, a Trillion miles away, and they won't mind hearing such.

But a Trillion dollar budget number, many Americans get real nervous. That's why the jerks ran the tables last night. The voters have hired them so as to never hear the word 'Trillion' from Washington DC again.

If the GOP can learn that, and do agressive budget cuts? Will restore consumer confidence a lot. We shall see...

Drive drive drive

2010-10-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah, they have seat belts on shopping carts now. I'm all for protecting the little ones, but? One reaches a point of diminishing returns eventually; Mr. Darwin is going to have his say on the matter.

Back in the 1960's there was an alternative child protective mechanism in shopping carts. It was called, 'Sit still and act like you've got good sense or Mom will pop those jaws for you.' It was surprisingly effective, to be so low-tech.

But we don't do barbaric parenting things like that anymore; instead we physically restrain our children like they were Hannibal Lecter. Sadly though, barbarism hasn't been entirely banished from our culture. There is still I-55.

I-55 is a marvel of civil engineering, cutting a more or less straight line through Mississippi in North/South direction. The posted speed limit is 70mph but everyone understands that's merely a suggestion. The observed speed limit is 80mph and there is a bad wreck on I-55 at least once a week.

OK, so everybody is going in the same direction. There are no stop lights or cross traffic, so... how come I see the MediVac helicopter so often? Well, the sameness of the landscape can lull one into a semi-conscious state I guess. And there are cell phones. Some people change lanes without consulting the rear view mirror.

Hmmm, well here's a thought. Doctors now have a pretty good handle on what they call 'Clean room syndrome.' It's where babies are protected from encountering any germs or dirt, and then become children allergic to everything. This because human development requires some early exposure to the natural world, in order to kick in a normal immune system.

Maybe there's an as yet unidentified human reflex system. Maybe something called 'Safe room syndrome' stunts its development. If you keep a person trussed up and encased in protective plastic through most of their early life, do they really know, on an instinctive level that this world is chock full of opportunities to get Ouchies?

Now you know where seat belts are really needed? Church pews. Must get in touch with Rick Warren on that one...

See it on TV

2010-10-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

Well the Chilean miners are in sunlight again. Amazing story all around really.

Is it surprising there were faith conversions down in that hole, a half mile below the surface? Not really. Happens like that in some lives.

Is it significant that a shaft failure happened, and there was a safe room ready, and discipline/training paid off? Yeah, that's pretty significant. Much of the world is getting a lot better at protecting those we ask to do dangerous things.

And then, and then. Once the "We're alive" signal was received, ah yes and then. Some of the best, most mercurial spirited applied science people descended on Chile. Don't watch the movie, and I'm sure it's in the works now. Maybe somebody will write a good book. You can read it instead.

There are brains in this world who will never win a Nobel. There is no Nobel Prize for kicking ass and making things happen against all odds. There are men and women in this world who think & say things like "Yeah yeah yeah the generator is blown. I saw a CAT D-9 when I drove in, we ought to be able to..."

Lots of people like that descended on Chile. To God be the glory in all things, but the Father provided some unorthodox human brain power at the site.

We gringos, most of us don't know the heroes topside nor the miners down below. Latin American TV covered it very extensively.

And that's the deal really; it was all on TV. We're entering an era where we can watch live coverage of slow motion tragedies. Watch the Gulf Oil leak, a mile below sea level. In some ways, an environment more like Jupiter, than my patio in Olive Branch.

Watch what you can't do squat about, 24/7 if you wish!

Oddly enuf this started with a mousey little Apothecary who poisoned his slatternly, artistically pretentious wife, so he could be with the lonely little stenographer girl, or whatever she was.

I really don't think Scotland Yard was onto Crippen and Friendgirl, until the couple bolted. There the doomed lovers were on ship bound for Canada. Somebody (Chief Steward I think) read APB and wondered if couple travelling as father & son, and... things ensued.

Because of just instituted short wave radio breakthrough, folks on both side of Atlantic were digging the cat/mouse adventure. Media blackout on the ship. Meanwhile, a ship was racing from Liverpool (as I recall) to intercept.

This Crippen thing is first time I can find, where a drama unfolded real time in the media, day by day. That was in 1910. Happy 100th Birthday, media circus!

A beautiful Experiment

2010-10-10T12:05:00.000-07:00

I tend to avoid blonde jokes. They're sort of the new Pollack joke, and as such most of them aren't even funny. I do admire the blonde 911 call though...

"Help, my house is on fire, send the Fire Dept!"
"Yes ma'am, how do we get there?"
"DUH, big red truck?"

Rule Number One: All border regions are very interesting places, have always been very interesting. They seldom give up their secrets to the casual observer though.

NW Tennessee along KY border, no exception to Rule 1. Casey Jones was born around there. The James boys visited that area. Underground railroad ran through there, and so did the Natchez Trace stage line. You won't hear any of that stuff on the evening news. But the South Fulton Fire Dept. let a house burn this week on purpose, and that's BIG news.

It's a beautiful experiment, I'm no nit-picker. Could've been a perfect experiment is all I'm saying. See, the details of the home owner enter as what's called 'Statistical Noise' in Engineering. His house burned, but he's a victim who doesn't draw much sympathy. It's just $75 a year for rural fire protection; he'd already had four fires in past decade.

Would've been perfect experiment had home owner been a neutral presence. Like he's a single OTR truck driver, just forgot to write the $75 annual check. Then we could have a perfect division between those who instinctively side with home owner, and those who understand the Fire Dept. quandry.

Eh, there's no such thing as a perfect experiment, so you work with what you have.

Stripped from statistical noise, the experiment is ethical conduct. Citizens of South Fulton pay higher taxes than surrounding rurals, in part to support Fire Dept. As such, it's their best interests that are paramount, isn't it?

Were we Greek gods, we could run the clock back and run the experiment different ways, and focus on the statistical noise first. U want the fire to get fought don't you? Go ahead and admit it. Maybe Jeff Bridges or Randy Quaid as the firetruck captain. He's talking on cellphone to Mayor, getting clear instructions NOT to fight fire, as homeowner is a system gamer and sends a bad message to save his home. Admit it, you'd like the Mayor to be evil, like that guy in 'Jaws.'

And Jeff Bridges/Randy Quaid says, "What, what? I can't hear you, you're breaking up, bye." Then he turns to his lads and says "Hell boys, I didn't join up to watch homes burn, even if it means my job!"

That's a rousing concept, and could make a commercially successful movie. It exploits the American strain for individualism. But what if a house inside South Fulton city limits was on fire at very same time?

Rule Number Two: If you want to understand a system, consider its extreme margins. If you have a really sweet old rural lady who forgot to pay the $75 and her house is burning while she's off visiting relatives, AND you have a South Fulton city taxpayer whose house is burning, AND just one big red truck, what do you do?

That's right; you prioritize and see to your core responsibility first. So in the extreme margins we understand system as a whole. You make the rule, communicate the rule, and enforce the rule. That's in best interest of South Fulton taxpayers.

Movies can be quite inspirational at times, and challenge us to consider our fundamental values. But they're just play-acting, calculated to follow well known formulas to earn revenue. The real world is a messy place. Had that Fire Company said, 'To Hell with the rules' and a firefighter had died in process (see Rule Number 2) South Fulton would be on hook for at the least a big worker's comp claim, and at most a lengthy wrongful death lawsuit if Jeff Bridges/Randy Quaid authorized the rebellion. Plaintiff would eventually win.

I know some feel quite differently about the fire, and that's why it's such a pretty experiment. I'm just looking at it as a system in operation. Make the rule, communicate the rule, enforce the rule. Enforcement means enforcement; look it up.

Brighten up the room

2010-10-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

When you're married, there will be times (usually during 4th quarter of a tied game)that a woman says, "Something something something would brighten up the room, don't you think?"

Wait until the game is over, and then go out to the garage and hit your thumb with a hammer. Because that's going to happen sometime during your upcoming adventure, so why delay the inevitable.

First, she doesn't really care what you think about her 'room brightening' project. She was only trying to be nice, in her womanly way. In these things, she only values your male upper body strength. Yes, male musculature is different from female, in case you haven't watched the news lately. Our superior strength allows us to lift heavy objects... and drop them on our foot.

Having been married for thirty years, I know these things. So it was with a spirit of joyous, sweaty abandon that I followed my wife into the mantel replacement project. Well, that's not entirely accurate. More of a "no way to get out of it" spirit I should think.

My only stipulation was that the new mantel be made in the USA. She ordered it after much perusing of other mantels. The big day arrived, the huge box arrived with big 'Made in the USA' stamped on it. Turns out the box was actually made in the US, but the contents were made in China.

It would be swell if the adventure ended with the mantel install, but nope. If you think that, you're probably not married. Next you have to pick out the new marble tile for around the fireplace. Marble comes in about three different colors, each of which is available in 1800 different shades.

So there we were at one of many many (I had no idea, but she did) local stores that sell marble tile. This was frustrating for both of us I think. She kept asking my opinion, I kept saying, "I like the light one." I was not talking shade, but weight of the many boxes I'd have to haul from store to trunk of car, then from trunk of car to living room.

But we eventually got it all straight, and the project got finished, and it does brighten up the room. Hey, little known fact of anthropology? Neanderthals died out because they couldn't figger how to 'brighten up' the cave, had to sleep on the couch, so low birth rate. Cro Magnons invented cave painting, so that's why we're all here.

Automation Nation

2010-09-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

So here's the deal? You can invent a robotic coal miner. Yep, no more tragic news from West Virginia. You make a billion bucks and are revered. Would be despised in West Virginia though, I promise you that.

There are no happy songs about being a coal miner, or if there are, I've never heard them. Some of the most moving American music ever written is about coal mining.
But if there's a song that goes, "I'm so happy to be right here, in the dark in constant fear" I must've missed that tune.

I've met people with grandfathers who were coal miners. Paid in company script, only good at the company store, deduction for company provided housing and utilities, such as they were. That was the bad ol' days. But nobody in West Virginia wants you to build a robot coal miner, except the stock holders in the mining company, and they probably don't live in West Virginia anyways.

That's where you always get to with automation. You want to protect people, but the obvious outcome is less direct labor. They know that too. West Virginia miners don't want you to 'safe' them out of a paycheck. People in Batesville too, know the work drag jobs and their wrists are hurting when they get home. They don't want you to 'protect' them out of a paycheck either.

So what would you do? America's only chance to compete with lower labor costs in the third world is to use less labor. You're really really good at automating human functions.

I really no longer believe the Third Wave of the Industrial Revolution will come in peacefully. I can't imagine how I'm gonna ever get all those Batesville folks in lab coats. A good number of them would likely put their lab coats on backwards, I suspect. But they want to work, so where do I send them?

Everybody is Racist

2010-09-22T18:27:00.000-07:00

Tonight I start my long planned series on words that have been used to the point of meaninglessness. I know, I know! You thought I just threw back a couple of shots of Jack Daniels and let 'er rip, right? Nope, not like that at all. I actually put a lot of thought in what I'm going to write about. (Depressing, ain't it?)

Well nevertheless, here we go...

The word 'Racism' gets a lot of media play these days. People who favor the new AZ law about checking immigration status; they're racist I've heard. And a prominent media personality recently questioned whether President Obama is a racist.

As an aside? Mr. Glen Beck is a Mormon, and they're not allowed to drink coffee. Yet, Mr. Beck appears highly caffineated to me, any time I see him. So let's all be thankful he's not allowed to drink coffee.

Everybody is racist, dependent on how the word is defined. What the heck does 'Racist' mean anyway? Does it mean we all harbor preconceptions about people who don't look the same as us?

If that's what 'Racist' means, than yeah, we're ALL racists. I don't blame you for feeling shocked. See, I have scads of free time, insatiable curiosity, and a three pound sponge between my ears where a BRAIN would come in handy, IF ya know what I mean?

So I know lots of things that don't appear on the surface, to be worth knowing. Science has already proved that we're ALL racists.

Children with Williams Syndrome have a mutated gene. It expresses in many ways, facial, organ problems... and hyper-social disorder. A Williams Syndrome child isn't afraid of strangers; you can't get it into their heads to fear strangers.

In a large sampling size study, four year olds were shown pics of kids, and told one of these kids had done a bad thing. So guess which kid? Four year olds, some of whom had never seen some of the ethnicities in those pictures. They chose, sampling errors aside, 100 percent a child of different ethnicity as the 'evil doer.'

The Williams Syndrome kids were all over the map. Their mutated gene disallows them from seeing 'others' in photographs. This means, unless you have Williams Syndrome, you probably instinctively are wary around other ethnicities. It's in our genes.

Was a time probably in human history, when that was a survival trait. It's like the appendix really. Vestigal organ (NO, I didn't have to look that word up!) and vestigal genetic trait.

So we're all Racist in some small way. All these people hurling the word around have made it absolutely useless. What do they think the word 'Racist' actually means?

Meetings

2010-09-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

I see where the Pope visited with Queen of England for a little while today. They probably got along quite famously, I should think. After all, they both wear funny hats. Always a good icebreaker when meeting strangers; stress the things you share in common...

And so last Sunday at Church was grandparents day. Quite a turnout. Now given that some of these visiting grandparents might be of an age where they don't enjoy long walks to the Church door? I decided most Christian thing I could do was opt for the YMCA parking lot about 50 yards west of the Church parking lot. Already quickly approaching 11:00am, wheeled in, and there's a 1990 blue Mustang convertible in the YMCA parking lot! Ha ha, I'll park next to it, though that's a bit farther walk.

Turned out there was a human being inside that blue Mustang, and he wanted to talk to me!!! I breathed deep and whispered to myself 'Uhh-Oh' as he smiled broadly and asked, "So, you want to trade Mustangs?"

The pragmatic thing to do at this point? I should've told him, "I'd really like to have a polite, encouraging interaction with you, really I would. But Church is about to start. If I don't shake a leg, will be walking in during announcement segment, and I'll feel noticed. So you see Mr. Man, it's not you, really it's not. I gotta get to Church, where we gather to celebrate God's love for humanity, and His open door policy about listening to any human any time. So you see what kind of bind u got me in here, right buddy?"

That's the pragmatic thing to do. But I figured it was my own fault for parking next to Mr. Talkypants, so might as well take some of my medicine.

He asked how I was coming with my restoration, and without waiting for answer launched a torrent of words at me on his Mustang restoration. Told him I'm at least mechanically sound; motor has less than 30K miles on it. That impressed him.

Mr. Talkypants wanted to discuss fuel consumption. Told him mine is lousy, 20mph. He said how odd, since he's got a 4 cylinder and is about 20mph. Explained to him even though he's got an automatic transmission, should still be getting high 20's with that motor. Advised him to check fuel filters.

Then I went to Church, where I was a tad late, and likely missed announcement of the ladies sewing circle covered dish luncheon being rescheduled. I hope you're satisfied, Mr. lousy mileage 4 cylinder Mustang Talkypants!!!

Eh, most human lives, some kind of meetings are regular happenings. Just yesterday in fact, I was about to leave work when all of a sudden a meeting broke out! Though new to that factory, I'm rather experienced in conference rooms. In only 90 minutes, managed to assign projects to three other people, and only get one assigned to me. Not bad huh? Yep, I still got the ol' magic.

In all of our life meetings, there's somebody keeping score on our performance, and it isn't necessarily a human with a clipboard in a conference room. We should be mindful of that in all our encounters.

Why the windmill picture? Because it's a beautiful work of art, OK? Note how the artist juxtaposes the blue sky against the parched landscape. In composition, the eye is drawn up at a diagonal to the right towards the windmill, which is the focus of the work... I learned how to talk like that in Art Appreciation by the way. Best $850 I ever spent my entire life so far!

Little known fact about windmills? They get lousy gas mileage.

Just Like Kerouac

2010-09-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not a revered Beat generation writer, and I don't have the very colorful private life he had (thank you Jesus) but other than that? Just like Jack Kerouac I'm 'On the Road.'

Except that he went different places, and I go the same place six days a week. Batesville, MS. 600 miles a week in the Mustang.

I'm an old hand at long commutes though. Did a decade once, 500 miles a week. Now, for you Discovery Channel watchers, let me spare you doing the calculations? I already done did it in me head once, because long commutes facilitate wide ranging ruminations. Translation: A bored and hungry brain will find something to chew on.

1992-2002 I drove 250,000 miles. I drove to the moon! I drove around the world TEN times! As an experienced road warrior, now revisiting old haunts, I can provide some inside info about long commutes...

Depending on the commuter, one's brain will at some point go on cruise control. For some it takes a week, others a while longer. You hardly know what towns you've passed; unless you're running late. Me of course, I never run late. Have to fill up the Mustang every other day, but I always factor in that time bucket. Hey, I'm an Engineer, and we like to say stupid things like 'time bucket' all right?

Now, about that Mustang? I can't say enuf good stuff about the ol' girl actually. First, a 1988 Mustang doesn't have a computer in it. It's not a NORAD missle defense system; it's a car. Keep oil, water and gas in it, IN the proper places (that's VERY important, that proper place thing, trust me!) and the car just wants to run.

Second, the car seems to have developed a fan club at the Batesville factory. Yeah, no kidding! At least four people have asked would I sell it. Most recent guy, explained to him I've got more money in it than he'd be willing to pay, so nope. When he heard the Mustang has in it a crate motor 5.0 litre with under 30K miles on it, his face got a look like some Saint in a Renaissance painting.

Many others have gone out of their way to tell me what a cool car my 1988 Mustang is. According to the jargon apparently, it's a 'Stanger.' Well I don't know about any of that stuff.

I didn't choose this car, all right? More of a 1962 MGA guy here, if you want to talk clean, classic lines. But I still maintain about my 1988 Mustang?

A. It doesn't have a computer in it. I really don't need something that senses the road is wet and automatically changes gear ratio for me in response. I can do that for myself. It's called 'slowing down.'

2. I put another $10K in that car, I'm gonna have one heck of car, would sell for about $10K I betcha!

Stupid David News!!!

2010-09-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Loyal readers? It's seldom I can rise to the levels of incompetence regularly displayed by our elected officials, but?

Yesterday afternoon I became newsworthy (against my will) and it's my journalistic duty to report. Fourth estate and all that jazz, y'know?

So there I was Friday afternoon. I'm a temp Engineer you see; I get my paycheck from the temp agency, which happens each Thursday afternoon. Well I waited around on Thursday about thirty minutes after I clocked out... no people with checks arrived.

I went home. Friday, I awoke with a renewed vigor, and a burning desire to actually get a paycheck. I'm Quixotic like that at times.

So, and here's the good part? I waited around thirty-five minutes on Friday, and got a check. Thought to meself, 'This is all right, can do this mission. Have a deposit slip, can make it to the bank before closing. It's only an hour drive.'

It is "usually" an hour drive, but the word 'usual' is vastly misused, my opinon!

I'm driving home, and halfway there I enter into a long skinny parking lot, even though speed limit signs clearly read 70mph. Turns out it was all for a roadside grass fire, and you have to address that kind of thing, because after the grass starts burning, it might catch the Kudzu on fire.

I'm not going to make it to the bank before closing. Oh well, stop at a covenience store for a six pack on the way home, resigned to engaging my backup plan with cheerful spirit...

Hey, that's interesting! I don't have my debit card! Sorry Mr. Clerk person of ambiguous sexual orientation, must've left it back at where I put gas in the car. Backing out of convenience store, came within an inch (actually more like .25 inches honestly) getting plowed into by large SUV. Jumped out of car, told very shaken lady, no harm no foul, God bless you.

Made it home in time to cancel my debit card, hopefully before anybody used it to buy widescreen plasma TV off E-bay. Guess we'll find out soon, huh?

I'm not supposed to be newsworthy. A large part of my entire adult life has been devoted to NEVER being involved in anything worth telling. Sigh... I blew that on Friday afternoon! But I will not let these events break my commitment to be really really boring.

In fact? Right now, I'm even starting to bore myself! How's that for success?

Memphis News

2010-09-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

It appears the spate of heat related deaths is at an end for 2010. Now we can go back to discussing murder related deaths; it's a comfort zone thing.

And I heard on news this week, some sort of Jethro Bodine style meth lab got busted at Rose of Sharon campground. I used to drive past that sign a lot, so I know it's out from Covington, TN. Always thought that's such an intriguing name for an RV park.
Now the three arrested were charged with: possession of drug paraphenalia, methamphetamine manufacture, and... trespassing.

Really I don't know why our prosecutorial system works like that, but I've noted it for many years...

'The suspects are charged with murder, bank robbery, arson, and illegal discharge of firearms within the city limits.'

Of course by now it's entrenched custom, but I'd kind of like to know how that whole thing got started. Was it a bargaining chip for use with dim witted criminals?

Something like "I shouldn't be doing this, but darn it I like you mixed up kids. So just tell me where I can find five or six more meth labs, and I'll make that trespassing charge go away."

Or was it originally District Attorney insurance? Like if the guys get off on murder, bank robbery and arson, you can at least assure the voters you nailed their butts on that illegal discharge of firearms charge!!!

But it's not all murder and meth in Memphis. The buzz lately is about identity theft, and this time nobody in Memphis was the criminal. Turns out some PC virus out of Russia infected system at Jason's Deli, and dozens of credit card accounts were accessed.

How the Secret Service knows the virus came from Russia, they don't say. Well these kinds of things always make me nostalgic for the USSR. Yeah, back in the 1970's you accuse the Ruskies of something like that, it'd be a big deal at the UN.

Soviet Ambassador would make big speech like, "Nyet, nyet! Ve never heardsky of this Jason Deli. Is all plot by warmongering Capitalist oppressors!"

Time marches on though. Russia is now run by organized crime; not really a lot of interest in face saving protestations over there anymore.

So what happens is Jason's Deli will lose a lot of business, the credit card companies have to restore customers for the thefted funds, and the Russian hackers get away clean with the loot. We can't arrest them, not even for trespassing.

Copper clad Zinc

2010-08-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

Well I sure didn't know they were redesigning the penny. Kind of embarrasses me too, because I'm 'sposed to be all out in front, cutting edge on stuff, you betcha. But somehow they slipped this one past me, and now the back of a US penny looks like a Chuckie Cheese token.

I suppose it was done to make counterfieting more difficult, something like that.

Maybe I can recover my lost sense of info-omnipotence with a story that's not in the news much...

While everybody is whooping it up about Ground Zero Mosque and Michelle Obama's vacation, a bill is plodding through legislative channels, called FSSA.

If enacted, it will give FDA authority to regulate food supplements. I know, you thought the FDA already had that power. But they don't, not really.

Like, some people take bee pollen pills. Don't laugh, it's true! And other people take fish oil pills. These substances are considered food. We have Federal employees who are supposed to ensure bee pollen pills (by the way, they do know that bees don't make pollen, don't they? The pills should be correctly called 'flower pollen pills' or something) are produced under hygenic conditions and don't contain lead or ebola or anything. There's also a line that food supplement marketers can cross, where the FDA won't let you claim ginseng extract cures leprosy for example.

And when something goes wrong, very wrong, there are regulatory channels to pull a substance from market immediately, as like happened with ephedera a few years back.

Other than that, all these substances are considered food, and food's treated quite differently than drugs. That is why it's the FDA after all...

That would change if DSSA becomes law. Under DSSA, food supplements would go through an FDA approval process, much like drugs currently do.

I actually don't think it will pass, because there's a lot of money on the line here. Look? Whatever noble intent DSSA may have, one must observe the law of unintended consequences. Another big Federal bureaucracy, food supplement people lobbying Congress people for help clearing hurdles, opportunity for more corruption.

If it's made from food, and it's not poison, you should be able to buy as much as you can afford, and gobble up as much as your stomach will take.

All my adult life I've been trying to get people to think critically, with mixed results to say the least. Look? If there was a pill that enlarged breasts or penises, do you think the company making it would need to spend millions in advertising? Nope, I don't think so either.

You could hire another 100,000 new federal bureaucrats. It'll get you another 1,000 Washington lobbyists too, but what did you accomplish? Did you banish illogical hope from the human heart?

There will always be people who want desperately to believe certain things are true, and there will always be people who exploit illogical hope. About the best we can do is keep a lid on the flagrantly fraudulent claims, and make sure nobody's selling poison to suckers. We're already doing that, so I don't see a need for DSSA.

It probably won't pass any way, because a lot of money is on the line. Campaign contributions for Senators who oppose it.

But I don't have time to think about that. My Doctor said I should take a zinc supplement, so I'm going to swallow a penny each day.

Getting Behind

2010-08-27T15:56:00.000-07:00

Time flies by when one is actually employed, huh? But I said I was going to post twice a week, and twice a week I shall! I'm committed! Actually I probably should've been committed long ago, except we mostly don't put crazy people in the big cookie jar place anymore.

I think what we do now is give them a shopping cart and assign them a street corner. Something like that.

Now, there's another peeve I have with modern technology? Makes it harder to spot crazy people. Yep, there's that little earpiece now, and you can walk around all day appearing to be in conversation with your inner demons, but you're totally sane; just on the phone is all.

Tell ya, now we're down to one last lunatic identifier, and it's the shopping cart.

But I mostly like modern technology. You can watch on your computer, some wellhead a mile under the Gulf of Mexico just spewing crude oil to beat the band. Can't do a darned thing about it, but you can watch it!

And there are these miners trapped in Chile. About two thirds of a mile underground I believe. Saw them on TV this morning. I think probably they'll have a 24/7 webcam going in the near future. They should be out by Christmas, and I think somebody is missing a million dollar idea here.

It's just a whole lot better than 'Survivor' or 'Amazing Race' or whatever the heck TV has running at the moment. Just shoot some contracts down the little tube... uhm, David? How could they get the signed contracts back UP the tube?

Don't bother me with details! I'm a big picture guy here! Get these trapped miners signed, and we'll run them 8:00pm on Wednesdays. America's first 'reality' show what IS reality!

I was happy to see the trapped miners on TV this morning, and that's good idea from the Chileans, consulting with NASA on the psych stuff. There's just one little thing I don't really understand about what the rescue authorities told the miners?

They cautioned them not to get fat, because they might not fit in the escape shaft being drilled now. OK... aren't you folks who are telling the miners not to get fat, the same people who are sending them rations?

I mean, like what? Is the Under Assistant Secretary for Chilean mine rescue on the phone with them saying, "Don't get fat else you won't fit in the escape tunnel... want some more candy bars?"

Now you know what would make a really scary story? They're all down there, and one by one they start getting murdered. That would TOTALLY make a great horror movie!
I don't believe any such thing is gonna happen down there in Chile though. I watched the entire trapped miner video, and didn't see a shopping cart, so I think they're OK for now.

ELVIS: All American

2010-08-16T10:57:00.000-07:00

Yep, I look good in a suit; no doubt about that. Now here's a handy tip for job seekers in this uncertain economy. All employers do drug testing these days, but don't bring a urine sample to your first interview. To some HR people, this comes off as a bit too eager.

Well, this week is the time to observe; Elvis is still dead, and yet very much alive. Turnout for this year's Graceland remembrances appeared strong as ever. It's impossible to draw a graph for future interest in Mr. Presley. While it's true that Valentino's grave doesn't get many visitors anymore, each cultural phenomena is a unique energy system, with its own unique attributes.

I've never toured Graceland, out of respect for the reverential. I just wouldn't want to try to keep a straight face that long. It'd be disrespectful to those who feel bonded with Elvis, for me to bust out laughing.

Elvis, I actually dig Elvis a lot. His final years appear incredibly lonely and sad to me, but I like a good yarn, and nobody could make up an Elvis, except Elvis.

Incredibly talented. I really can't say whether he was a better singer or dancer or actor. Yeah, actor! "Flaming Star" and "King Creole" are fine performances. "Loving You" is just great acting. Even "Kid Galahad" where you could already see beginnings of the Elvis formula movie, the boy held up well in an all star cast.

The later gaudy excess, it gets a pass with me. This is what happens when hillbillies get filthy rich overnight. To study a system, consider its extremes...
Elvis was about the poorest hillbilly who ever got the filthiest rich the overnightedness, and there ya go! That's what it looks like, OK?

All these kinds of cultural phenomena require a potluck of time, space and person. And that all came together in Elvis. I actually believe part of the enduring appeal is what a quintessentially American story his arc represents.

People still believe that anybody can make it here, with talent and some luck. That's a very new concept in human history, and still has little traction in places most of the Earth's population dwells. I shall now invent a brand new word!!!

Ameritocracy: The belief that one can rise as high as his talents enable, with only a modicum of pure dumb luck.

Now some may argue, such a belief is outdated in 2010. Why anybody would argue with ME, the smartest unemployed person in this whole dang country, I dunno, but they may.

Because as Yogi Berra once said, or probably thought about saying? "Just when you expect it least, the inevitable happens."

It may feel in 2010 like the cards are stacked. But it might've felt like the cards were stacked in 1903 when two bicycle mechanics changed the world. It might've felt the same to Henry Ford with his crazy idea to take automobile from luxury item to mass produced consumer item. And I bet it felt that way to young Elvis in the early 1950's. Probably the cards have always been stacked, but there's always a way to start a brand new game with revolutionary rules.

Ms. Patricia

2010-08-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

Didn't Patricia Neal do some kind of coffee commercials, back in the 1960's or something? I'm fairly sure she did. Maybe it wasn't coffee. I remember Madge 'you're soaking in it' Manicurist hawking dishwashing liquid. And I recall friendly Mrs. Olson showing up at folks' homes with a bag of grocery and Folger's coffee.

And there was Cora too, played by Margaret Hamilton, former OZ witch and allergic to water, but not coffee apparently. Maxwell House maybe?

Was also a 1960's coffee commercial where a woman privately wondered, "Hmmm. Jim never asks for a second cup of coffee at home." This was back in the era where wives stayed darn near deranged every waking moment, worrying how they could better serve their man. Little known fact? That's why Valium was invented.

I'm sure no expert on the 1960's really. I was mostly a little jug eared kid. Only thing I know for sure about the era? Was I on that island, my agenda would've been clear:
1. Kill Gilligan
B. Fix that hole in the boat

Uhm, what was I gonna type about? Oh yeah! Patricia Neal! One of the greatest actresses of Hollywood's golden era passed this week. I won't dwell on her personal life. She was an artist, and female screen artists rarely get treated appropriately.

Look here? You think Kate Hepburn was a great actress? PISH! Kate played two roles; funny Hepburn and serious Hepburn. Her entire career she played Kate. Patricia Neal was a great actress. Also Barbara Stanwyck. I could name some other women, but you wouldn't know who I was talking about.

My favorite Neal performance will always be "In Harm's Way." Back off you Cinemaniacs! Yep, Patricia was wonderful in "Day the Earth Stood Still" and "Fountainhead" and "Hud." Also great in "Face in the Crowd."

In her pairing with John Wayne for Preminger's "In Harm's Way" we get a great performance in a history hinge movie.

That film puts Wayne with a woman who's his equal in toughness. Quite a departure. Relationship between those two middle aged lovers is most interesting thing in the film. It's actually very 2010, the way those two fumble at each other, the pragmatism mingled with desire and past baggage.

I don't know of a movie where Patricia Neal didn't play a strong woman. That's very odd for the era. Lots of strong women characters, but they always come to ruin. Girls who don't worry why Jim doesn't ask for second cup of coffee at home? Well, they are asking for Karma.

Patricia Neal always played strong women. Maybe because she was a strong woman, and wouldn't take subservient roles. She was a great actress.

Wacky Week in the News

2010-08-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

I was visiting a blog the other day doing some research on the Papin sisters (think Lizzie Borden, except two of them and more vicious) and I must admit that blog is a LOT more sophisticated than mine! Oh yeah! It had advertisements where you can donate to charity, or click something and see video, and who knows what else.

Right now, I'm kinda more interested in securing gainful employment, but in the future? I might fancy up my blog some too! Must be a 14yo kid somewhere in this subdivision could help me with that.

But to the news... "Pantless man caught with armless Mannequin" another masterpiece of evocative headline writing there, you betcha! And why are they called 'pants' while 'bra' is singular? Uhm, David? Don't be recycling George Carlin jokes? We're doing the news here!!!

Former Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens went to see Jesus this week. Though not having the tenure of the late Senator Robert Byrd, Stevens was a formidable equal in delivering home state pork projects. All of Alaska's history, has only had 7 Senators. Easy to forget such things. When Alaska was made a state, "I Love Lucy" had already been on TV about eight years. Oddly? Former House mover & shaker Dan Rostenkowski passed this week too. Quite a guy with the pork too, that Dan.

So anyways? Byrd, Stevens, Rostenkowski all dead now? I expect to see a mysterious earmark slipped into 2011 budget to repave the streets of gold. Some cynics might say more like Ice machines for Hell, but? I'll continue to hope for the best of everyone.

Scientists revealed this week, they've discovered a Sponge that shares 70 percent genes in common with humans. I've found some of the sanctimonious pontificating rather amusing. Times like this (and there are many) I always privately speculate. What fascinating personal habits (if u know what I mean?) must one have, that they'll grab a Sponge and say, "See? See? This proves there is no such thing as moral absolutes!"

What in the heck are such people up to, that they must sacrifice true Scientific discipline that has given humanity so much, in favor of Voodoo logic advocacy. If a Sponge has 70 percent same genes as I do, does NOT mean there is no God.

See, I used to design Locomotive radiators. Don't talk about it much, as I don't wish to get the womenfolk riled up hormonally, if ya know what I mean? Though not considered as sexy as International jewel thieves, Radiator designers are on the scale of sexy, fer shure. Last time I checked, right between Accountants and Funeral Directors actually. Nothing to sneeze at, I know!

A locomotive radiator sits on the top. Any given moment of operation has about 50 gallons of water in it, weight of water approximately 450 lbs. Locomotive stops, water must be totally gone from system in under 120 seconds. This because sometimes locomotives stop in Canada in the winter, and no railroad line uses antifreeze.

Designing radiators is a manly trade, which explains why it's ranked slightly higher than Funeral Director on girl sexy-meter. Point is?

Good designers do 'Save as' and modify existing design for new application. A fundamental formula is understood at the very start. Works with Train radiators. Probably works about the same with Sponge DNA, I should think?

Calculated Risk

2010-08-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

Infectious disease, fascinating subject really. Like the eradication of Smallpox for instance? Couldn't have happened without Lady Montagu, Edward Jenner, and Western Civ charity, tech and money.

But the real turning point in fighting Smallpox? It was the shift away from mass inoculation programs, to outbreak targeted quick response. That pivotal strategy came from a young Indian Health Service worker. He said, "In my village, when a house catches on fire, we don't throw water on ALL the houses." Very clear thinking there.

Yet the end wasn't known when the new strategy was proposed. Trying it meant risk.
I wasn't gonna type about Smallpox though...

Ya got this malaria thing. Kills LOTS of people in Africa, South America and Asia, even with liberal use of DDT. Oh yeah, you thought DDT was banned worldwide? Naw! They spray it on houses in rural India. Helps a lot, but not a perfect solution.

Now some scientists in AZ have engineered a mosquito that can't be infected by the malaria parasite. They think they can introduce into the wild in sufficient numbers where the old fashioned mosquito will quickly be bred out of existence.

Frankenbug to the rescue!!!

Well let's round up the usual suspects, while the giants of science are busy popping champagne corks...

I'm a product of midnight Creature Feature, so I KNOW about unintended consequences of Science. Nuke tests in the desert get you... giant ants, giant Gila Monster, giant Tarantula, and the Amazing Colossal Man. That's just in the US. You don't EVEN want to know about Nuke after effects in Japan!!! I bet homeowner's insurance rates skyrocketed in Tokyo in the 1950's.

But I also know about Kudzu, and Australian cane toads. I know the well meant intentional introduction of species can get way out of hand. And my time with Charles Fort has given me a healthy skepticism about unwarranted certainty from Scientists, who since Hiroshima have become our cultural high priests.

And one reason our culture was so outraged at the Gulf Oil leak is because
post-Apollo generations have come to believe our high priests won't let us down.

I trust the fathers & mothers of Frankenbug to insure they haven't accidentally engineered a mosquito that won't host malaria, but will carry HIV or Ebola quite well. Yet, they can't test Mosquito 3.0 for its interactions with pathogens that haven't been identified yet, huh?

Oh, I'm not sitting in the seat of the 'Cautioneer' here, just sayin' is all. Might as well get the hippie take articulated while I'm at it...

"Dude, this is SO wrong interfering with Nature! It's evil putting things where they don't belong, interfering with the beautiful, perfect balance of nature. We should just do treated nets. Mosquitos are people too you know!"

Well, it'd be dismissive to remind the hippies that marijuana ain't exactly a native species in northern California, but that's too easy. It's an entire mindset that merits honest challenge.

Nature mostly wants to kill you. That's Nature's job. Mosquito nets are wonderful. Bill & Melinda Gates, Bono, post-WH Laura & GW Bush are to be commended for their efforts. Of course personally, I wonder why they don't establish factories in affected areas, teach people tech to make their own nets.

A dirty secret about the nets? Even IF you can get primitive, superstitious cultures to accept these nets prevent Malaria? The nets always go first to the adults, because they're the producers. Many parts of the world, life is hard and life is cheap.

This is the part of the blog where I either have to smart off about Billy Jack movies or declare a position. All right then, I'm pro-Frankenbug. It's a real risk, introducing an engineered species. The biosphere, despite what hippies like to think, is never static. The tiny Malaria parasite has a speck of the Eternal in it too, and a system exists possibly enabling it to launch an assymetrical response.

Humans were given brains for a reason. To use them while walking humbly before God is about the best we can manage. Many many thousands die every year from Malaria.
Observation leads to theory leads to experiment leads to sober decision.

Was it mine to say, I say a good chance to eradicate Malaria? Turn loose the Frankenbugs. History can damn me for what I didn't know. Whatever comes can't be worse than a Billy Jack movie, right?

Art and Life

2010-08-04T13:06:00.000-07:00

I feel sorry for that Dr. House. Every time I'm walking thru a room and his show is on? He's either suffering some dread health problem, or getting fired, or both. I bet Obamacare is somehow to blame.

Headlines are always fun. Sometimes they can be poignantly evocative, even though topic is sad. A real good one from this week? "Naked man beaten outside Bar."

But my brand new fave headline is... "Superman saves family from Foreclosure." Yeah, they were about to get evicted, packing up from home that'd been in family more than fifty years. And down in the basement they found a box full of Billy Jack movies!
Naw that's not it! They found a box of comic books. And there he was, Superman no. 1 from 1938; est. auction value $250K.

Sweet human interest yarn; authenticity already verified, should sweep the major news organs soon.
I bet this story will lead to LOTS of basements & attics getting a long overdue cleaning, I betcha!

And it kind of reminds me of George Weller. In retirement, George spent many days in his old recliner bitterly regretting loss of his greatest journalism work in post-nuke Japan. Army censors destroyed his dispatches. All that time, and eight feet above George's head was a steamer trunk up in the attic, full of the carbon papers on those dispatches.

In Engineering, one considers a system by imagining its extreme boundaries. That means in most every human life there is some form of comic books and carbon papers.

Not everybody gets to run around post-nuke Japan. But many people think they've been robbed of something, when a quite serviceable form of what was lost lies well within reach.

Not everybody has Superman no. 1 in their basement. But many people have something of wonderful usefulness nearly in hand through good times & bad, just waiting to be found.

Y'know, somebody put that comic book in that box. But some hand had to pull it out of the box. In the emotions attending losing one's home, I can easily imagine the Man of Steel could've ended up in a dumpster, huh?

So it takes a forgiving heart to look for carbon papers in the attic. Takes a hopeful heart to recognize a comic book in a basement full of junk.

Now I got to get details on "Naked Man beaten outside Bar." I sure hope it wasn't Dr. House; he's already got enough problems.

The straight Dope on Boris

2010-08-01T17:36:00.000-07:00

Really? If you're around my age and grew up in the United States, Paul Frees is all over you. Yes, Paul was the voice of ever-frustrated spy Boris Badenov, but he was a lot more than that!

Let's put something in context here (which is SO unlike me, get right down to it) about Paul Frees? He had a vocal range of four octaves. Me, former professional musician/singer/trouble maker, I got about 75 percent of an octave here.

Paul was very gifted. But let's focus on his deliverables? Aside from being the voice of Boris Badenov... do you remember Jolly Green Giant commercials? Remember that 'Little green sprout' character? That was the voice of Paul Frees. 'Lil Sprout' never came off as a raging heterosexual to me, but I could be wrong about that.

And if you're old enuf to recall the moon landing, you've been to a theatre or a drive-in where Paul Frees narrarated the coming attractions...

"He found himself on a strange alien world where Apes are the masters, and humans are caged! Don't miss Charlton Heston in 'Planet of the Apes'! Also co-starring some really cute chick in a fur bikini."

Paul Frees did a lot more than that though. Thirty years dead, he's still the narrator at many Disney theme park attractions.

Now, in Billy Wilder's most commercially successful film "Some Like it Hot." Well, Paul Frees of the deep authoritarian coming attractions voice? He also dubbed female voice of Tony Curtis in drag. Don't ask me why Tony was in drag, just watch the movie?

Talent, that gets one admiration. But one's passion is what draws enduring love. Paul Frees single handedly tried to save the world from Beatniks. Yep, self-written, self-directed, self-financed, Paul Frees (aka Boris Badenov) made a movie considered a classic by people who don't really know what the word 'classic' actually means.

Clearly the film was made with passion, but not much ability. Mr. Frees attempted to warn unsuspected Western Civ about the dangers of poncho wearing, bongo beating, finger snapping, poetry reciting degenerates. In Mr. Frees' 1960 tour de force (that's french for load of crap) effort "The Beatniks" a sordid tale is told.

There aren't actually any Beatniks in the movie. More overgrown juvenille delinquents I'd say. The soundtrack does have lots of bongo playing in it though; quite annoyingly really.

Paul Frees tried to warn us about Beatniks. Let the beatniks in, next thing you got hippies. Know what comes after that? Yep, that's right. Billy Jack movies.

There's a reason for that

2010-07-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, what was I thinking about? Well, it was probably wicked cool, and no doubt would be a life changing experience for you to read, but I don't remember right now. Could come back to me later maybe, but could be gone forever, like Mel Gibson's good reputation.

This is the 31st day of July. July has 31 days because Julius Caesar wanted his month to have more days. Augustus Caesar felt same way about his month.

I could do this all day, divulging reasons behind stuff. After all, I'm currently unemployed. But I will restrain myself, limiting the spouting of useless factoids with a self-discipline of Herculean proportions...

Monopoly the game. Everybody thinks was invented by unemployed Depression dude, and it's a lovely story of triumph in adversity. Nuh-unh. Real direct precursor to Monopoly was 'The Landlord Game' invented by a woman, who happened to be a Socialist. Ms. Phillips invented it to show people how they're being oppressed by capitalism, and it leads to a game that earns billions for the Parker Bros. company. Talk about unintended consequences.
Reason Monopoly tokens are what they are? Game rollout, a company that made charm bracelets was contracted. Near zero tooling cost. Monopoly tokens are bracelet charms without a loop.

Reason we have chewing gum is because General Santa Anna lost the Mexican War.

Reason the saxophone is called that, is because Adolphe Sax invented it. Saxophone is only well known musical instrument named for a person.

Reason we say 'lead pencil' is because when graphite was discovered in 1564, was mis-identified as form of lead.

The reason we say 'assault & battery' is because of the Norman Conquest in 1066. Both words really mean the same thing, but in two different languages.

The reason we have charcoal grilles is because Henry Ford couldn't get his wooden windshield packing cases to perfect dimensions so they could be cut up for floorboards with zero scrap.

And yeah, that's why we still use the term 'floorboard.'

Different kind of Leak

2010-07-30T17:45:00.000-07:00

Been some great stuff in the news. I want to thank you Western Civilization, for continuing to do amazingly insane stuff, both good & bad. Looks like some French scientists have developed an ointment that heals tooth decay. Works great on mice. Could be available to Dentists, 3 to 5 years.

----Dentalis may cause unexpected explosive fecal discharge, joint pain, intense dreams of bestiality, suicidal thoughts, psychotic delusions, vampirism, hearing disembodied voices and dandruff. Talk to your perscription provider about your Jello intake as this may lead to something you don't even want to hear about.----

I typed that really fast by the way, just like the commercials. But hey? Possible side effects are better than a root canal, right?

But mostly I'm aware of the strange juxtaposition of Dan Schorr passing the same week as most massive dump of classified docs in human history. Those of you who don't know what 'juxtaposition' means, look it up and catch up later...

Dan Schorr is forever linked to the Pentagon Paper leak. Hey, wanna hear a funny? Daniel Ellsberg perhaps had some kind of 'road to Damascus' moment after working years for the RAND thinktank in support of war. I dunno; I'm nobody's judge. Just saying he switched sides about time started sleeping with a hippie chick. Could be egg/chicken I guess.

So... folks in media for some reason often eventually show up at crossroads where I've been sitting on a stump for hours, whittling a better man (or woman) out of a banana than they'll ever be. Therefore, excuse me while I get to the heart of the matter?

Yep, Wiki-leaks is being castigated. The doc dump may lead to some tortures and beheadings, no kidding. And PFC Bradley Manning has been arrested, harumph harumph!!!

So... why exactly does a PFC have access to very sensitive intel docs? Never served in the military, but think rank of PFC sort of low on the ladder.

The enemy may find some names in these documents. Mostly, the enemy will benefit from understanding our intel gathering process. And, might as well say? Many of the enemy take this for a trick. Just telling you the truth; can't help what the truth is, all right?

The enemy is at lower levels, some fairly unsophisticated folk. It's weird really. Above them, cold, calculating people with high IQ. Most levels, they think everything we do is a trick. Hey, wanna hear another funny? The ground fighter bad guys associate Democracy with homosexuality. Yep. They think our women dress in revealing clothing because attracting mates in decadent West is difficult, since most of us men are homosexuals.

WTF is a PFC doing with access to 91K classified documents?

Anthropomorphic Ridiculosityness

2010-07-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

I already enjoyed the english language before GW, but now I LOVE it!!! So much more flexible now!

So anyways... I recall it well. Was on Highland Ave. about a mile from where Casey Jones is buried, not that Mr. Jones has anything to do with it.

'Three Lil' Pigs BBQ' and the neon sign was glorious at night. Twelve foot tall pigs dressed in chef outfits, advancing through fire. Yeah, it moved! They were holding shoulder height a plate of their delicious relatives.

And the smiles on the Pigs' faces were wonderful. Kind of like an airline attendant or Real Estate agent maybe. They seemed so delighted about the whole thing.

Well that place is all gone now. Guess the neon sign got trashed; pity that. Lots more beautiful than whatever's on display at the Tate Gallery right now. Imagine it's something like unmade bed, with pile of dog poop on the left pillow. Couldn't have puppy excrement on right pillow, cause would mess up composition balance, if not gestalt of entire piece. Something about post-adolescent angst in post-modern society, I'd imagine. Yours for only $1.5M!!! It's a steal. You can take my word on that 'steal' part too.

But that gaudy masterpiece neon sign is all gone now. We of a certain age (Psst? rhymes with 'nifty') have become curators of the past. Let's take care not to start sentences with "Back in my day" because really? Start doing that and you're three clicks from "You kids get out of my yard!"

The sign is gone, but advertisements where animals encourage us to eat their relatives, that's still with us. Like couple miles from here? BIG billboard advertising Dodge's Fried Chicken, established 1876. They may still have some of the original food items on sale, for all I know.

Now, this billboard? Huge chickenish looking creature (actually I think it more resembles Big Bird) and it's wearing an apron. The message is clear enough: Come eat my cousins, they're darn tasty!

See, I'm not the type to be swayed by product endorsements from animals who are traitors to their own species. At best they're collaborators. At worst, they're vicarious cannibals!

I think it's really stupid to have animal advertisements encouraging humans to in effect, "C'mon down and EAT us!" Reflects a vapid, fatuous, insipid culture.

Know how that whole thing got started? Yep, that's right, Billy Jack movies.

Nano-Nano!

2010-07-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

People ask me all the time, "Hey, Mr. Economics Guy, what's the next major boost to American manufacturing?"

Obviously, it's Justin Bieber commemorative plates. Yep, they'll have to be made in US, because we can't let China find out how silly our culture is. They already know about Paris Hilton; we're grasping for dignity straws here!

Of course, the real boost is really simple. Find $250B in budget cuts, make big deal about it, that'll help consumer confidence.
Let the Bush tax cuts re-adjust on top rates. Alan Greenspan agrees with me there, he's really smart. After all, he helped get us into this mess, right?

But what else you must do is slash Corporate tax rate and Capital gains tax. At the least, that'd be revenue neutral. Would sure spur investment though, especially foreign. At best would be a tax revenue adder.

Well don't go betting your Justin Beiber plate collection that's gonna happen anytime soon!

Instead, the next American manufacturing surge will be clean rooms, and workers wearing Bee keeper looking outfits. Micro-circuitry and Nanotechnology. Hey! I wish it was something else too! What do you want, comforting lies? Go see your Congressperson!

Gizmos too small to see have been slowly moving forward about 15 years now.

Regular people (and by that I mean anybody bored enough to read this blog, you poor devils) have no idea what all Nano-tech can do right now, and what it'll be able to do soon.

A glimpse this week because Wal-Mart announced garment smart tags for inventory control. Employee walks up with scanner, blip! Bra section already sent message to the scanner about replenishment levels. That's old stuff. HEY! Maybe I could get a job putting smart tags in Wal-Mart clothing! Naw, says here the clothes are made in Mozambique. I'm not moving to Georgia for a minimum wage job.

What Nano-tech can already do, and on the near horizon, is mind boggling. It's like Star Wars. Or maybe Star Trek... could be Star Search maybe, not sure which exactly. But I'm fairly sure the late Ed McMahon has no involvement.

Microchip inserted in a plastic milk jug at molding machine. It's chemically sensitive. When milk starts going bad, chip turns on and broadcasts to ceiling mounted unit in dairy section. Goes straight to Dairy manager's PC, so he can go back there and put milk on sale. Naw, they wouldn't do that! Whatever they do, the info is there. The tech has already been patented.

Not sufficiently boggled yet? Near future, your grocer can offer 'Super-savers' club. Take a gizmo home, plug into your PC. Stuff in your house, like margarine, shampoo, consumables. Chips in that stuff will shoot message to your PC module when they're running low. When you turn your PC on, module shoots info to grocer, and coupons for said items are e-mailed to you. Tech almost in place right now; cultural resistance will slow implementation.

Ya say you're not satisfied, ya say you want more? I could tell you was one of the smart ones, minute you sauntered up with that Moon Pie & RC Cola. Since it's obvious you're a customer of great refinement, tell ya what I'm gonna do?

How would you like, if instead of open heart surgery, you get a Nano-tech injection? Still years away, it looks promising in the MIT research so far. Tiny little things loaded into a hypodermic. They've been engineered to detect certain chemicals, and then release their cargo meds at that site. After that they become inert and leave the body through urine stream.

Yeah, it looks like ten years out. What will happen to all the Surgeons and OR personnel? Oh, they'll be just fine! Probably go into the lucrative Justin Beiber commemorative plate business.

Eyes on the Spies II

2010-07-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

Well I don't know either. Why IS a pineapple called that? Sure wasn't named by a trained Botanist, I'll tell ya that! Has nothing to do with conifers, and doesn't taste like an apple.

Hey, did you know pine cones are differently gendered? I don't know how they tell each other apart, but they manage. There's a bunch of pine trees, right? Hmmm, what was I gonna type about... Oh yeah! Spies!

Homegrown turncoats, interesting people psychologically. And war-time, we presume to understand motives of 'our' spies. So these folks, among dozens I could name, may seem bland. Well first? You don't EVER have a handle on a first class spy. Second, each of these three? Could've minded their own biz. In fact? None were ordered to go dance around a very efficient, merciless death machine. In each case, military authorities FIRED them before they HIRED them. These people volunteered to dance with the Reaper...

Virginia Hall: Very intelligent, wanted to work in Diplomatic service. Woman, best job hope was clerk in those days, but OK. They mostly didn't want her sort. And she kinda shot her leg off in 1932 in hunting accident too; looks like stateside for Virginia. We never liked her anyway, too uppity. She happens to be in France when the Panzers roll and suddenly becomes quite popular with the OSS. Speaks French flawlessly, totally immersed in the culture, invisible except for the limp; wooden leg y'know. She usually went around disguised as an aged French peasant woman. When it got too hot, she barely escaped Gestapo by hiking across the Pyrenees Mountains, at night, with a wooden leg. And then those that didn't want her once, sent her back to France. She did pre-work for the Normandy invasion. That's my Virginia.

Juan Pujol: I like him some. He volunteered to spy for Brits and they declined. So he figgered to get hired as Nazi spy and then re-apply. Wicked smart and imaginative, Juan turned his entire spy network of 27 Nazi agents over to Brit Intel. But one thing? None of this spy network actually existed. The cat invented people, constructed all kinds of soap opera interactions among them, jobs they held, and fake info, long before OSS decided he might be all right. Nazis were paying Juan huge amounts of cash to support non-existent spy network. Juan Pujol was instrumental in convincing Nazis, the Normandy attack was a diversion; keep the Panzers at Calais. Juan Pujol. Only person I know of who was awarded both the Iron Cross and the MBE.

Nancy Wakes: Born in NZ. Married a French millionaire, and months later, the Panzers rolled through Paris. Nancy was initially suspect by Brits and OSS. Why would a millionaire's wife get involved? Actually, Nancy didn't ever apply for the job. She didn't ask permission; she set up her network of spies. Well, guess they did some espionage... nope, not much really actually. Mostly they killed Nazis and exploded stuff. Nancy's group had a 14 to 1 kill ratio against very well trained, very well armed SS. 14 to 1 is impressive. Might've bumped up some after Gestapo tortured and killed Nancy's husband, but I've not seen the graph.

Ms. Nancy never asked to work for Allied Intel, not far as I know. Just went ahead and did what she saw to be done. They eventually begged her to flank attack at D-day and have safe houses ready. She must've been one hell of a killer angel leader, to command such loyalty from her group. Gestapo called her 'White Mouse' because she could avoid any trap. Offered 5 million Franc reward for her, but no Nancy.

According to my sources? Nancy Wake, who once slit SS sentry throats and timed fuses beneath railroad bridges, now lives peacefully in a retirement home in Richmond, England, aged 97.

But perhaps my sources are conjured phantoms from Juan Pujoul, still active in the disinformation trade. And besides? One never really knows anything for sure about a spy.

I HATE Sequels!

2010-07-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

"Jaws" and "Star Wars" really began the sad decline. Before that, weren't really sequels in Hollywood mentality. No such thing as "To Kill Another Mockingbird" right? Oh sure, there were plenty of character driven series; every Roy Rogers movie has essentially the same plot. But it was Spielberg and Lucas who got the Roman numeral ball rolling.

And there were event movies in the pre-Steve/George era. "Gone with the Wind" and "Ben-Hur" were huge. "Psycho" was also big. Perhaps if we'd been at 2010 media integration levels in 1959, could've seen "Ben-Hur II."

But now we have Roman Numeral Disorder in full array. I don't mind when they make sequels of films that weren't good in the first place. Do hate it though, when a pretty little thing that just flies like a beautiful bird, gets purely mercenary shlock attached to it. That "Arthur" movie? Absoultely great film. "First Blood" is also an amazing thing to watch. Hey, wanna hear a funny? Of course you do!

It's because of Stallone's closing rant in "First Blood" millions of people believe returning Viet Nam vets were spat on. Some of the actual veterans now believe they were spat on! How about that for effective art, huh? And I threw that in for you cinema snobs, because? Every movie doesn't have to be Fellini or Bergman to be real art, OK? If a movie says honestly what it wants to accomplish and does it well, that's a form of art!

So yeah! "First Blood" is a great film. "Arthur" is great, "Die Hard" is an effective movie. None needed a sequel; they were stand alone pieces pretty in their own right. But they all got sequels, didn't they? I blame it on that pernicious blight to which I've traced the decline of this once great nation. Yep, that's right; Billy Jack movies.

I shouldn't be so negative though; really, that's not like me. Will instead offer ideas for sequels that I'd watch... "Ghost II" where Patrick Swayze returns from the dead to save Demi Moore from marrying Ashton Kutcher. How about "Dances with Polar Bears"? Kevin Costner helping Eskimos fend off the encroachment of whaling fleets. As an aside, I should say? I totally support the indigenous Alaskans' right to hunt whales as their ancestors did. I just want them to use ancestor technology. Go ahead, paddle up on that sperm whale and fling a harpoon into his haunches; should be interesting.

Could go on and on. Let's face it, I've got loads of free time at the moment. But the point is though? I have to do a sequel myself. One blog post about spies just isn't enough. They're fascinating people, and I respect even those who worked against my nation. Next blog post, I have to do our folk in World War II. Hey dig that? Even wars got sequels now!

Eyes on the Spies

2010-07-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

Yep, somebody's actually making a movie about the John Edwards mess. Hey, maybe they can get Mel Gibson to star in it! Might as well; can't imagine who in the world would go see a John Edwards movie... well except for John of course.

Aside from the tawdry elements, the John Edwards implosion is essentially a classic espionage op gone awry. And it went south for same reasons spy rings often fail. Lower level operatives start feeling increasingly expendable, begin building lifeboats, things reach critical mass and chain reaction happens. Now John Edwards feels about as welcome as a New Orleans banjo picker.

Been a lot of spies in the news lately though. This little gang recently rounded up in New York City for example? From what I know, they'd been mostly schlepping around nite clubs, trying their hands at various businesses, romances, and FBI caught the pretty one at an NYC coffee shop. Really, the whole thing sounds like the 'Friends' TV show to me. FBI claims to have been fully aware of the group for years, well for about as long as 'Friends' was on the air actually. So I don't think anybody in that spy ring ever made KGB employee of the month. Impossible to say reasons for timing of the roundup. Could be domestic politics, or we needed to make a trade with Putin; we'll probably never know for sure.

Kendall & Gwendolyn Myers though, that's a lot more interesting. Homegrown spies are always more interesting. Great grandson of Alexander Graham Bell, grandson of man who built National Geographic to household word it is now. Kendall has PhD from John Hopkins; a college that wouldn't let me run a floor buffer. All those advantages, and he used them to spy for Cuba; weird.

All homegrown spies share one thing in common. Some may spout ideology, but without exception each has a personality that somehow feels embittered and disenfranchised from his culture. Cambridge 5 group was good example there. By age 25, they'd all enjoyed all the privileges Britain could offer, and were ruthless spies for Russia. Maclean for example was so eager to betray his homeland, KGB took unusual step of recruiting him off the bat as what's called 'straight penetration operative.'

Oddly ironic term, since Maclean was bi-sexual. Maybe he was a part-time employee, I dunno. And that's another thing? Closeted homosexuals make GREAT spies! They're already practiced at leading double lives, so what's another gonna hurt?

So tell us all Mr. David, who was the best spy ever, homegrown or otherwise? Well, obviously the one we've never heard of. But Klaus Fuchs was most devestating. He's the Los Alamos guy who gave USSR and China the A-bomb secrets.

Ineffective but worth mentioning: Sam Dickstein was US Congressman on USSR payroll. Now cut that out! No, I don't know what Sam's sexual orientation was!

Here's an allegedly interesting one: William Dodd, Ambassador to Germany just before WW2? His daughter Martha was a dedicated Soviet agent for twenty years. Yep, another anti-capitalist millionaire. Her NKVD code name was 'Liza.' Yeah, I wish it'd been Rachel or Pheobe too, but can't have everything. I will say this though, she sure wasn't a homosexual. According to historians, I'm surprised she found anytime for espionage really.

Yeah, Martha was a 'straight penetration operative' too all right? Happy now? Cut it out will ya, I'm trying to run a family blog here!

Middle-aged Parties

2010-07-11T05:41:00.000-07:00

In my teens, when I went around looking like Cherokee Jesus or something, I attended a couple of parties; well, a half dozen or so. I'm not going to talk about those experiences. Yeah, you probably think my reticence is due to statute of limitations concerns, but it's not that. Mostly, I just don't remember.

They were apparently some fairly boisterous affairs, at least that's what the Police officers told me later. I am competent to reflect on the mood of the old times, and compare it with the party we hosted last evening.

Middle-aged parties, the music isn't quite as loud. You'd think it'd be right opposite, because after all our hearing isn't what it used to be. Loud music is useful when you're around people and you can't think of a darned thing to say to them. By age 53, you should've learned not to invite such people. Which brings me to another crucial difference between teenage parties and middle-aged parties; turnout.

When you're a teenager, it's not a party unless you have more than twenty people. Like many seemingly bizarre cultural practices, there's a hidden logic at work there. For one thing, if something really bad happens, it can be blamed on some 'weird kids who just showed up.' Yes, it's true the more attendees, the more likely it is something bad will happen, but? Via sheer numbers, it's less likely the bad thing will happen to you personally.

Main thing is, for teenagers, social status is in part derived from the size of parties attended/hosted. Middle-aged parties, not like that.

And last evening's party, there were little ones milling about. That's a common thing in middle-aged parties. One guest might have a six year old, another guest might be talking about her son in the Army, and both guests are the same age. Members of my generation did our reproductive duty on a totally unpredictable timetable.

So I guess this is where I talk about alcohol consumption. Among my social circle they're just around many people who consider drinking a competitive sport. Oh I'm sure such individuals are out there somewhere; they're just not going to be found on my patio on Saturday night.

A middle-aged party is a handful of people sitting around, conversing quietly on the kids, politics, work. The grille is going, snacks are provided. Every once in a while "Amber Nicole! I said stop that!" pierces the soft evening air. No fist fight breaks out, nobody vomits... well I think maybe Amber did once, but that's not my point.

My point is that one's vocabulary changes through the years. What teenagers call a party, I would now call a near-riot. What I now call a party, teenagers would call a bunch of old people sitting around. Congrats David! You've turned into your parents!!!

Utterly Stupid Utterances

2010-07-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

My preference is to address actual events, rather than talk about people talking. There's too much of that goes on already, my opinion. It's not journalism; it's gossip columnist stuff. Yet sometimes... things get said by public figures that rise to the level of legit news.

Mel Gibson in a phone call with his estranged fortune cookie gal said...
'You go around dressed like a slut. It's all your fault if you get raped by a gang of African Americans.'

Now, I didn't quote exactly on that last part. The whole thing would be much more amusing had Mel said 'African Americans.' Then he could go around saying, "What, what? I used the proper term!" But instead, Mel used the most radioactivist world in our whole dang culture! Wonder what's gonna happen now... he'll probably lose his radio show. No wait, that's Don Imus. So I guess what happens to Mel is not a whole lot really. He's been almost exclusively Producer/Director for years now, and one can maintain a low public profile in that role.

Mel's next project I believe, is to be a Viking epic. And true to his recent schtick, the film is planned in original Nordic language, with subtitles. So it's to be stuff like... "Odindammit Sven! Ja dropped da sword in da fjord!"

Oh, he might put out some press release regretting his poorly chosen words in a heated argument, but I don't see Mel calling on Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton for tag team humiliation therapy and absolution. Could be wrong, but that doesn't sound like Mel's style. And while we're on that topic?

Who decided that Jesse & Al are the spokesmen for tens of millions of Americans who just happen to be dark skinned? You're treating a very diverse group of people like infants by presuming any two people speak for their aspirations and values.

But back to Mel? You're a smart guy Mr. Gibson, so I expect you to fathom my simple advice. Either stay off the booze or stay off the phone, OK?

And I wish Mel Gibson was the only braying jackass of the week, but there's this Michael Steele guy? For those of you who have, you know, actual lives? Michael Steele is chairman of the Republican National Committee. I don't blame you for not knowing that. Mr. Steele made a speech this week, press not allowed. But you know these dang cellphones...

Michael said something like, "We have to keep it out there, Obama started this war in Afghanistan"
... and it just got dumber after that. Now see? I wish no harm on any person, but? I KNOW why I lost my job, but I can't figure out why Michael Steele still has his job!
I'm going to stop short of saying Mr. Steele is an affirmative action beneficiary. He's personable enough, and quite articulate. Every time he says something stupid, his pronunciation is flawless.

But again? If the GOP insists on having a black spokesman, surely we can find somebody a little more grounded in reality? There are lots of smart black people! You take that George Washington Carver for instance? Invented peanut butter. I'd have starved in elementary school, if not for GW Carver. OK, that was a trifle hyperbolic there. I'd have been stuck with jelly sandwiches in my 'Man from Uncle' lunchbox. And a jelly sandwich, it soaks the bread after a few hours, so it's a big soggy mess. PB & J on the other hand, is a delightful combination. Much as I admire George Washington Carver, I wonder about the events surrounding the first date between Peanut butter and grape jelly. Did he invent that too? Someone should make a movie about that.

Dang! I got off track again. So anyways? I know the GOP is trying to show a welcome mat by having Michael Steele as RNC Chairman, but the reverse of desired outcome is delivered. It looks like the GOP found the dumbest black guy in the entire US. Well, except for Dennis Rodman of course...

Lynrd & the Skynrds

2010-06-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

Yep, Supreme Court ruled everybody can have a gun. Well, John Hinckley will be paroled soon, but it's all right. It's OK to limit the constitutional rights of felons & the crazy people. John's outta luck on two counts. The High Court held Chicago may not 'unreasonably' limit handgun ownership.

This is because of the Supremacy clause. I did extensive research of this 'Supremacy clause' and according to Wikipedia? It's got nothing to with Diana Ross. And that there is a topic on everybody's mind; these stupid '& the' bands.

First, it's bound to cause bad feelings in the ranks. One day you're the News, next thing there's a Huey Lewis in front. Obviously all the groupies are gonna gravitate his way, right?

Second, one's membership in '& the' groups will always negatively impact name recognition. Well, how many Supremes can you name, besides Ms. Ross? I'm pretty sure about Mary Wells, but who the other one was, no idea! Maybe Whitney Houston. So this practice robs talented musicians of their rightful notoriety. Had it been Mick Jagger & the Stones, nobody would know Keith Richards' name. He'd be stuck with
'the Stoned Stone' as his only ID. That's just not right.

If the Pips and the Blowfish ever get together and start talking, there's going to be trouble. They'll all have guns; Supreme Court said so. Uh, what was I talking about? Oh yeah! Supremacy clause!

No state can have laws that violate federal law or the Constitution. Which is weird, cause it's going on everywhere you look. State medical marijuana laws violate federal law. Cities declaring themselves 'sanctuary' and refusing to cooperate with immigration agents are in defiance of federal law.

What would happen if Wyoming replaced all the 70mph signs with "Eh, Whatever" signs? Probably nothing except a nasty letter from the Transportation Secretary, whoever that is. What would happen if Texas made welfare benefits conditional to random drug tests? Probably a whole lot. The former offers very little lawyer traffic, while the latter would be pay day!!!

My theory, the Supreme Court exists so attorneys will never run out of work. On this gun ruling? Gun control lawyers and NRA lawyers will be eating off that for years. When that starts trickling out, they'll litigate about ammunition. Because there's nothing in the Bill of Rights about bullets, get right down to it.

Lynrd & the Skynrds had a song about that very subject.

I'M SOOOOORRRY!!!

2010-06-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, I actually have a negative 'bucket list.' It's all the things I mean NEVER to do before I pass. One item is, I'll never hear a Lady Gaga song. Doing splendidly with that one so far. I am gonna have to lay off Bruce Springsteen songs for a while though; got a jumbled up dance mix running in my head. Caught myself other day, singing "tramps like us, baby we was born in the USA."

I'm not sorry about it though. Which brings me to the subject of contrition...

Our culture has a strange relationship with expressions of remorse. Examples of that abound in the news this week. You got Congressman Barton, apologizing to BP, therefore demonstrating, sometimes saying "I'm sorry" can create anger. There was a decent point to be made there about not rushing to demonize biz, but Barton flubbed it. Then he had to apologize for apologizing.

And one can even behave in ways seemingly unapologetic, thereby ratcheting up anger. That CEO of BP, Tony Haywire I think? He's in a weekend yacht race, and Gulf Coasters don't like it. Doesn't seem very remorseful. I understand his position too though; he must be saying, "What, what? I don't tell them not to enjoy their yachts do I? Why don't they stop picking on me?"

Get right down to it, apologizing has become an anger management/damage control tactic. It's largely meaningless. Pretty much means "I regret having been caught."

Other examples abound; seems like a General, athlete, movie star or politician is apologizing every time you turn around. It's very boring.

I'm actually starting to like people who AREN'T sorry. I find them quite refreshing. Australian bloke Paul Nigel Sniddon for instance? After a string of personal reverses, Paul embarked on a four day drunk. Ended abruptly after missing a curve, and blammo! He's upside down in car, unable to open door, waiting for jaws of life to arrive. So he decides to have another beer in the meantime.

How exactly one manages to drink beer while upside down, I don't really know. Perhaps he had a flexible straw handy? Either way, there IS a third McKenzie brother you hosers! When EMT's arrived, the obligatory 'have you been drinking' question was answered with "Oh yeah, a bunch!"

Sure, Paul could've broke his fool neck driving drunk. Could've done a vehicular homicide, depending what part of Australia he was rampaging through. But? Upon reaching the logical outcome of his bad choices, Paul just relaxed and opened another brewski; waiting to own his choices with a lighthearted shrug.

There's something refreshing about that attitude. Or, as a great songwriter once sang... "There's a darkness on the girls in their summer clothes racing in the streets tonight in Atlantic City."

I just hope those girls aren't racing yachts, that's all I'm sayin'.

Same Old Rut

2010-06-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well, sometimes you should follow the breadcrumbs... This week I hear NPR segment on a guy who's professing Christian and also self-taught fossil brainiac. Tone he was treated with was decidedly 'loveable crackpot' I thought.

Then today, I read an article claiming that 'theistic evolutionists' are making stumbling blocks for unbelievers. Never heard that term before. In a beautifully written piece, the author lays out several points, this being the main one:

Christians who accept that Darwin was right about some things are therefore acknowledging some of the Old Testament is allegorical. That's a slippery slope, with denying the Virgin birth at logical other end.

These two seeming 'coincidental' data points are my breadcrumbs, so I'll write about it. God is in the news, God is always in the news! Wish I could say that's due to the worshipful behavior of believers, but nope, not so much really.

One bunch that keeps God in the news is Atheists. Those people talk about God way more than Christians do, you betcha! I've no idea what it must feel like to spend one's energy on something they claim doesn't exist. Must be a strange life. Kinda like being a nudist fashion designer.

But back to this central semi-Talmudic dialogue, about whether Christians who accept some of Darwin's work aren't serving the Cross? Since I guess that sorta describes me, this is where I launch a defense of my positions, huh?

Naw! Had you going for a minute there though, right?

What this debate shows is we're still the same impudent children as Adam & Eve were. Yep, put us in togas or spacesuits, but human nature never changes.

Example? Early in Christ's ministry, there's a passage in John, speaks about a controversy. Some listeners said 'Could this be the Messiah?' Others said 'Scripture says the Messiah will come from Bethlehem, and this man's from Galilee.'

And there ya go! That's how we impudent brats roll.
Either side, whether Bible literalists or 'theistic evolutionists' we're doing it again!!! Whether claiming confidently that Noah's Flood made the Great Canyon, or asserting confidently that the Cambrian explosion was part of God's plan...

From where does our confidence about such trivia arise? How about this? It stems from our impudence that we as a species have EVER demonstrated faithfulness that would justify the Creator's full revelation to us. It stems from our pride in believing we're able to understand the mind of God. It stems from a heart unwillingness to acknowledge that God is greater than we can ever imagine.

Again, as usual, and forever, our eyes are looking somewhere else than where the action is.

Allegedly Construed Funny Things

2010-06-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

Just heard from my legal counsel. The folks at Leibovitz, Leibovtiz, Leibovitz & O'Brien believe I'm risking a future lawsuit by not being precise enough, well in their words? Let's see, got the letter right here, hang on a sec?

"Said client, hereafter referred to as Hillbilly of the first part, frequently and casually slanders famous and powerful personages by not drawing a sufficiently clear distinction when parody, satire, etc. is the rather ambiguous intent. We hereby strongly encourage Hillbilly of the first part to cease & desist immediately, and forthwith endeavor to press upon readers with due diligence in all instances where assertions are total fabrications. That'll be $1500."

Wow, what an impressive letter! I hit Leibovitz, Leibovitz, Leibovitz & O'Brein back, explaining to them whole point of the Blog is challenging comfortable assumptions, but you know those Irish Catholics.

In compliance with advice of counsel, we'll try this experiment...

THE FOLLOWING IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE AS ACCEPTED BY MOST REPUTABLE SOURCES.
Pirates invented the concept of Worker's Comp insurance.

Drinking coffee was once punishable by death in Turkey, because when men gathered to drink coffee, they discussed government.

In Death Valley, CA there are rocks that move by themselves, and nobody has yet delivered an acceptable theory explaining that.

An experiment done in UK revealed that a Robin with one eye removed can still navigate long distances perfectly. Take instead the other eye out, the birds fly in big confused circles until they're exhausted.

No one has yet been able to explain what the Scientists do with the removed eyes, but I think it's ingredient in some Chinese delicacy. Also? Researchers are confounded why the test group Robins have taken to wearing eye patches, and going "Arr, Arr" all the time.

OK, I made up that last bit. Get off my back O'Brien!!!

THE FOLLOWING IS TOTALLY MADE UP STUFF, AND ONLY AN UNINFORMED DOLT WOULD THINK OTHERWISE.
Elton John isn't homosexual. He just uses that as excuse for horrible fashion sense.

Seven out of ten people surveyed think statistics are made up by bald hillbillys.

The wind tunnel, where airplane prototypes and automobiles are tested, that partially empowered the Apollo program success? It was invented by a couple of bicycle mechanics. They used dangling bits of thread and had to calculate dozens of pages of handwritten math to approximate actual forces and scale up. Oh wait? That one is true. DAMN YOU O'BRIEN!!!

Note to self: Fire Leibovitz, Leibovitz, Leibovitz & O'Brien at soonest chance. They're legalistic constrainers of all you hold sacred. Keep Leibovitz though; he's a nice guy.

This experiment in legal compliance has been a total snoozer. Henceforth I will continue to slander, malign, libel and otherwise engage in calumny with an attitude bordering on careless abandon, if not exceeding it. WOW! That's good lawyer talk! Maybe I should start billing people!

I should close with something else that's absolutely true, as Bruce starts singing "Born 2 Run" on radio. Hmmm... OK!

As DeGaulle was retiring from office, he & wife got visit from some diplomat. The Ambassador's wife asked Mrs. DeGaulle what she was most looking forward to about Chucko's retirement. Lady DeGaulle smiled broadly and said, "A Penis."

After about five seconds of utter silence (I LIVE for those 5 seconds in all human encounters!) Charles DeGaulle patted his wife's hand and said, "Cherie? In the English, they pronounce it like the 'appiness, you see?"

Not about Oil Leaks

2010-06-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

There's no need to write on front page topics. I'll just say on that... see the picture there? Big log jam, Grand Rapids, MI 1883. What happened is this. Loggers upstream got the Grand River constipated, and everything was stuck tight for weeks. When it started to move, WOW! A thirty feet tall pile of logs, seven miles long, with all that hydraulic pressure behind it. Took out two railroad bridges, horrible mess. Point being, whenever humans exploit natural resources, "OH POOPIE!" is a regular consequence. Only the scope varies.

The big news is that World Cup Soccer is real popular for some reason. They're having it right now, and South African fans like to blow on annoying horns during the games. Steps are being taken to filter it out of broadcasts. I wonder if they tried anti-noise technology. Yeah, that's fascinating science. Was discovered back in the 1980's I believe. A sound is a wave, with amplitude and phase. So if you add a sound of same amplitude and inverse phase, the noise is cancelled. Yeah, how 'bout that? Two really loud noises aimed at each other, result is quiet. Might not work in stadiums though, complex secondary and tertiary acoustics bouncing around.

What else... oh yeah! A creature named Perez Hilton is in trouble, like maybe big trouble. I didn't even know there was such a thing as Perez Hilton, until he gained my attention in the noteriety of Ms. USA contest. Why anybody would have a gay guy judge a beauty contest, I dunno, but that's just Donald Trump. He's the PT Barnum of our generation.

So, turns out this Perez Hilton 'earns' a living by talking bad about famous people. Nope, this is not a recent development of a culture in decline, but I'll get back to that. Mr. Hilton's landed in hot water over posting a picture of Miley Cyrus exiting a vehicle, allegedly not wearing underpants. Well she's 17, so technically Mr. Hilton is now a child porno purveyor. Should be a fun trial.

Perez is not a trailblazer, earning money by trashing others. When I was a kid, there was a guy named Mr. Blackwell. I wouldn't have picked Blackwell to judge a beauty contest, if ya know what I mean? But Blackwell's source of income was annual list of famous woman fashion train wrecks. He'd go on Carson show and make catty comments, stuff like that.

So Perez Hilton is nothing new, not in concept. He's just coming in a different format, in a different era where the culture is more coarse. There's usually historic equiv for most human activities. Yeah, Donald Trump really is a lot like PT Barnum. Perez Hilton really is a lot like Mr. Blackwell.

But one shouldn't strain for historic comparisons; it's more a Zen contemplation, best arrived at by seeking harmony with the life force. Kinda like a revelation that forms organically in minds that say, "Grasshopper, snatch the pebble from my hand." And on that topic, this explains why I could never be a Kung Fu master; some things I just don't get. Like, what would I want with a crummy pebble?

Historic comparisons in fidgety, greasy hands are trite and meaningless. They're annoying, like horns at a Soccer match. All these news people saying "Is the Oil Leak Obama's Katrina?" they sound like that to me. First time I hear a news person say "Is the Oil Leak Obama's 1883 Grand Rapids log jam?" I'll respect that. That'd be a pebble worth snatching there!

Well, how about that!

2010-06-08T17:05:00.000-07:00

President speaking on 'Today' show said "I have meetings with experts so I know whose ass to kick"... boy, they have experts for everything now! Wonder if there's a separate think tank that advises President on which foot to use.

Of course, that's not a natural speech pattern for Mr. Obama, so the whole thing came off somewhere between disingenuous and 'Now, see here Biff!' but I understand why he thought he needed to talk like that.

He's been getting criticized for insufficient emotionality about the Gulf Coast oil tragedy. Hmmm... we sure have become an addled, adolescent culture, knocking our leaders for something like that. We're all about style now? We'll feel better about millions of gallons of crude in the Gulf, if our President would just be angrier about it??? Y'know, that guy has nuclear launch codes. It's fine with me if he's rather calmish by temperament.

And what else is going on... oh yeah! Some people in Africa smoke vulture brains. Yeah, there is a belief in southern Africa, smoking buzzard brains gives one ESP. I'm glad nobody does that in the US; how we'd keep the Surgeon General's warning labels on all those birds, I just don't know. It'd be very expensive.

Besides, I don't even think it works. After all, nobody predicted what happened in Gambia today. Police there busted a EU bound cocaine shipment, street value $1 Billion dollars! Yeah, I know! I'm shocked too! Who knew there are honest cops in Gambia!!!

But the Gambian authorities and Interpol are quite happy, saying this will strike a blow to the newest major transport route from South America to Europe.

However, I'm sure there are some guys in Colombia aren't very happy about it. They're probably meeting with experts right now about whose ass to kick.

Back to the News...

2010-06-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

I'll admit things don't look too bright at the moment, after all...
Stock market keeps boomerangin' back to 10,000... EU, Greece is tip of the iceberg there... Israeli commandos botched the boarding of blockade running ship... and the oil leak of course.

Lots of frustrating things are going on, no doubt about that. Simply requires us to look harder for the magical absurdity that's still all around.

Botanists have announced discovery; a strain of Walnut trees with estrogen. This has lots of scientists scratching their heads. Per orthodoxy, a plant's not supposed to have any use for estrogen, yet there it is any way. And the Darwinists are quite peeved too. Plants with estrogen pushes the timeline way out of kilter, and means estrogen dates back to nearly the beginnings of life on Earth.

Now, over in England, they've this thing called the royal family. It's tough to get into, but it's a fine vocation. One can behave a total jackass with zero consequences. That was demonstrated again recently, with Lady Sarah Ferguson caught on tape offering 'total access' to Prince Andrew for $750,000. She now claims she was inebriated at the time, and I certainly believe her. A person would have to be stoned to think 'total access' to Andrew is worth $500 even.

From the scary stupid to the scary smart, there's this Russian mathematician named Perelman. He was awarded a $1 million dollar prize a while back, for solving the Poincare Conjecture. That little riddle has befuddled some of the best and brightest brains for a century. The posit goes like this...

'Topologically speaking, any two dimensional object that is compact and loosely connected must be a sphere'

Me, I don't even understand the question. But Perelman does, and provided the mathematical proofs to validate the posit. And for that he gets $1 million bucks. Except... it now appears clear what some predicted from the outset; Perelman won't be showing up to accept the money.

Not like he's wealthy. He's a very reclusive figure, info about Perelman is sketchy. Appears he lives in a small St. Petersburg apartment with his elderly mom, and it's a very spartan existence.

It's useless to speculate why Perelman won't show up and take the money. Some people are so frighteningly smart, it's like there is a muse that speaks only to them. Any real world applications for their brilliance are mostly accidental. They partially inhabit a strange, beautiful world that kinda ain't the planet Earth. In the customs of that world, Perelman doesn't need a million dollars.

Kind of a pity though. I'm sure a million dollars would make life in St. Petersburg more comfortable. And, also? With that kind of money, Perelman could afford 'total access' to Prince Andrew!!!

Atticus Golden Jubilee

2010-06-02T11:50:00.000-07:00

Yes it was fifty years ago "To Kill a Mockingbird" was published. This is a big deal in the literary world.

It's a darned well written novel, very controversial subject in its day.

So yeah, the golden jubilee of "To Kill a Mockingbird" is subject of discussion in the literary world. Bunch of smart folks are saying very interesting things. Here's what they're missing...

By 1960, US culture wasn't any more a place where books had big impact. If one wants to see TKM's real legacy in the culture, got to look at the movie version. Very few films can rightly be called flawless, but screen treatment of TKM belongs on that list. Millions of people who'd never purchased a book in their lives saw that movie in 1962, and it changed our culture in a very real way.

See? Lots of regions in the nation were far removed geographically or demographically from the South, and issues of race. Those people just couldn't relate; they saw the news, but they didn't feel empathy. Watching Harper Lee's story play out on a movie screen gave a lot of Americans, well, skin in the game.

That's about exactly what happened with "Uncle Tom's Cabin" in 1852. In a very real way, that book helped start the War Between Brothers. Northerners internalized a well crafted fiction, and began to empathize with people far away, in very different lives.

So the movie "To Kill a Mockingbird" was a big part in a culture change. It made people all over the US more favorable on the Civil Rights legislation of 1964.

Interesting ripples in the cinema world too. Gregory Peck won best actor Oscar for his performance as Atticus. Well, who won the following year? Sidney Poitier, for "Lilies of the Field." First black performer to ever win best actor.

So TKM is a work that challenges one to empathize, and empathize they did. In part, it led to societal rifts being healed.

Thank you Harper Lee, thank you Atticus, thank you Tom Robinson.

I gotta get back to hard news now. Starting to sound like 'New Yorker' magazine or something!!!

We have a winner

2010-05-28T14:50:00.000-07:00

"Man in Women's Clothing charged with Statutory Rape of 15yo Memphis boy" is most bizarre headline I've read this year.

Although... "Captain America arrested with Burrito in Pants" is very bizarre too.

Well what else is in the news? It's about to be Memorial Day, and we all know what that means. Hamburger buns are on sale at Kroger's. Must be some other reason for Memorial Day though... must search memory attic...

Charles Manson auditioned when they were casting the 'Monkees' show. "Hey hey we're the Mansons, and people say we murder around"... factually accurate, yet has squat to do with Memorial Day David.

Reason Germany still dominates Pharmaceutical industry is because in 19th century, synthetic dyes for textiles desperately needed. That's what started everything. Also, as part of the treaty ending WWI, France lost patent rights on the word Aspirin. Also, a very popular textile dye is a vivid red, made from crushed bugs. Well, that's factually accurate too David, and I'll be sure to tell the first person I meet who gives a crap, but we came to the memory attic looking for Memorial Day origins, remember?

Oh, here it is! It was right behind the stuff about Kidd and Culliford. Say did I ever tell you about those two? Focus David, focus...

Memorial Day is about honoring Americans who died in war, and so never lived to attain their full potential and live their full arc in this world. It's been expanded over decades to include appreciation for those who fought and returned.

Every nation looks for inspiration in the courage of its native born warriors. I suppose in the cases of France and Germany, this must be problematic, for very different reasons, but they handle it.

So, are American soldiers just singularly more brave, when compared with those of other nationalities? I don't much see how that could be. We have the blood of every nation in our veins, after all. I suppose it's noteworthy to state that while men do great feats of courage while defending native soil, many American combat deaths took place on land far from home.

There has been much American bravery in combat. Started with Valley Forge, daring Christmas attack on Trenton, forward through the terrible War Between Brothers to 2010. Sebastian Junger in latest book writes of time spent with our troops in Afghanistan, and seeing a soldier carry a wounded comrade more than a football field's length down a rocky slope, under enemy fire all the way.

Mostly, every American soldier fights for his buddies, same as all other soldiers probably, since the invention of flags. They fight far from home, in conflicts they didn't vote for, some times giving the last full measure of human devotion. They fight for their buddies, they fight to prove they were worthy members in the band of brothers, but in the back of their minds, way back in their minds when bullets are flying?

They fight for a crazy vague ideal, very new to human history really, totally alien to Alexander or Ceasar's troops. They fight believing they're citizens of a nation clumsily stumbling towards doing the right thing. Their birthright, the belief in a nation that wants to do right, but doesn't always understand at the moment what that is. For the buddies, for personal honor, for the crazy ideal they have fought, and many have died.

In this world where humans live, always reaching for the Eternal, there are a few shades of red more vivid than what crushed bugs can provide.

De-mythologizing McCarthy

2010-05-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

Well, can't say I'm surprised, but it's still sad. Turns out as part of bailout plan, Greece will have to cut back on some gods and godesses. Also, Mt. Olympus is now up for a 'naming rights' sponsorship. At this writing, both Adidas and Gatorade have expressed interest.

And in other news, Texas schoolbook controversy is semi-settled for now, although I suspect some court challenge options are being explored. History is always in the news... because folks keep rewriting it.

Biggest US 20th century flashpoint of contention will always be the 'McCarthy' era. There are of course others, but Senator McCarthy gets blood up quick. So here's what really happened...

Very early 1950's most of middle America was looking around wondering what the heck just happened. They'd won a contest for survival, capping it off with the biggest tech breakthrough in recorded history, and now 7 years later, and NOW????

Moscow has the A-bomb too, and China just went Communist! Berlin airlift, Korean War, Rosenbergs... oh excuse me. Was starting to sound like that Billy Joel song for a minute. Middle America wanted answers. Senator McCarthy, that's your cue...

Joe drove some audience in West Virginia nuts, with a speech about Communist spies in the Truman admin. Next thing, Senator Joe had more fame than he was mentally enabled to handle.

He held some hearings, ruined the careers of at least a dozen low level government employees. He grilled a few prominent Left-leaners who'd served the FDR admin, but none had careers ended, and none of them were spies.

Get right down to it, Joe McCarthy couldn't catch a cold at the North Pole. He was a stupid, alcoholic gloryhound. As an aside, should I ever sign up for a stupid alcoholic gloryhound Scavenger Hunt, I'm heading to Washington first!

That's the total direct effect of Senator McCarthy's crusade. He ruined a dozen innocent people, and briefly pestered some prominent Left-leaners.

Joe's big tactical error was taking on the US Army. Middle America still remembered and revered its military. Bad ju-ju Joe.

McCarthy's legacy has grown to include Hollywood blacklists and guilt by association tactics.

Well first? Joe didn't have one thing to do with the Hollywood biz; that wasn't even a Senate committee. And any blacklisting wasn't ordered by Congress. It was done by overly sensitive Studio heads. This was near end of the Hollywood Golden Era. Those Studio guys, whoa! Did they LOVE cinema! They didn't much understand most of the audience though. These are the same cats who wouldn't allow an Asian to play Charlie Chan. They over-reacted in their perceived best interest.

Guilt by association, hmmm... those are the skirmish lines of history, where everything becomes subjective. The popular narrative is that Joe McCarthy whipped into a frenzy the latent insecurities of Americans during an insecure time, so it's all his fault really. Well, it's certainly true that McCarthy played dirty, BUT?

I think many Americans feel more comfy thinning the ranks of a mob. When the history hinge swings, some very minor players get jammed up wrongly. 1943 the Soviets were our brave allies, according to newsreels, while any but the most naive knew the Kremlin was a nest of murderous vipers. 1938, OK to be a Leftist. 1953, it's the kiss of death. Events mostly in that case, but the hinge swung. Inaccurate and simplistic to believe Senator Joe swung that hinge alone. He was agent of popular opinion.

It was wrong when the Cherokees were marched from their homeland, but Andrew Jackson isn't the lone suspect in the case. He mostly obeyed the American will.
It was wrong when Japanese-Americans were rounded up, sent to internment camps, but FDR didn't act against popular opinion in that order.
Much wrong happened in the so-called 'McCarthy era' but it wasn't Joe that swung the hinge alone.

And that's what really happened...

Happy Birthday Daddy Bob

2010-05-25T19:09:00.000-07:00

Oh, I suppose I could write sweepingly, rhapsodically, about the mastery of Bob Dylan's songwriting ability. Forty-five years is a long time in the spotlight, and there will be clunkers. But when that cat is in the zone, there's not much english language poetry post-WW2 that can match Daddy Bob.

But this here street corner is where I spills out, so stop the bus. Bob's enduring gift to American music, the one he doesn't get royalty checks for, is he sings lousy.

My parents' generation was dominated by crooners. In a very real way, my generation and all after it have been strongly influenced by a croaker. That Bob Dylan, raspy, nasal voice.

I really don't know what Daddy Bob meant to the Woodstock generation. I never burned my draft card. Heck, I never even got a draft card! I know what he meant to my generation of song murderers though. He meant, "Kids? Be sure to try this at home."

And so we did, by the tens of thousands. Personally, I think mostly we attempted it in the vain hope it might lead to girls paying attention to us. But there I go being snarky again (HEY! It's a gift, all right?) so I should say?

Daddy Bob meant to tens of thousands boys and girls who wanted to play music, we didn't have to be beautiful or sing with perfect pitch. If we had something to say, maybe we could snag some ears.

The legacy of that gift is all around. Springsteen, Neil Young, Counting Crows, John Prine, Guy Clark, Avett Brothers, Old Crow Medicine Show, Sheryl Crow, Paul Simon, on and on and on.

So Happy Birthday Daddy Bob. Thanks for your prime role in taking American music from spectator to participatory activity.

And there ya Go

2010-05-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

Kevin Costner and brainiac Scientist brother are poised to clean up Gulf Coast oil spill. Dang! I am SO gonna see that movie! He should have made that one in the first place, instead of that dumb ol' "Waterworld" mess!

Oh, wait? It's not a movie; it's reality. I always get those two mixed up!

Centrifuge approach, absolutely solid concept, might work. Lots of design devils in execution though. I wish Mr. Costner the best success.

Not the first time a movie star has had a hand in useful invention. Hedy Lamarr co-invented the tech now used in all cellphones. Ms. Lamarr was sexy like nobody's business. Random frequency reassignment. Personally, I believe she stole the idea from Nazi-cozy husband just before fleeing his clutches in 1937. Those Germans, so precise.

What else is going on in the news? Oh yeah, Greece is on fire and its tail feathers are catchin'.

Why it takes a bald hillbilly to scoop a half dozen Nobel laureate economists, I don't know exactly. But...told ya! Viability of the Euro is at stake here. Reason for precipitous US stock market volatility this week, is cause folks on Wall Street read my blog... no, wait? It was something else... oh yeah! European investors desperate to lock gains before currency exchange rate wiped them out. Also, DJ average will be lucky to close above 10,500 next Friday.

Getting a bit frustrating waiting for the Nobel laureates to pipe up before me, but here I go. Long term viability of the EU itself is at stake too. I don't even need to hit IPL and peruse current Greek journalism (Those people have a different word for EVERYTHING anyways!) to know a nativist current is starting to get traction.

Greece enjoys from EU membership lower tariffs, public works projects and some subsidies. Still, is in their short term interest to bail from the currency, re-establish the drachma, devalue it drastically, and repay creditors at the rate of Gyros for Euros.

As the saying goes, this ain't rocket surgery. I'm not the only human on Earth who knows this. Alexander Hamilton's ghost could tell you this stuff, because that's exactly how he made US a profit while paying off Revolutionary War debt. Somebody in Greece knows this too. Ms. Angela Merkel dang sure knows it. EU could very soon see nativists taking power in troubled member countries, and they secede.

Slowly, a verdict on globalism is being rendered. The baby will be thrown out with the bathwater, but that's how it goes sometimes. From little things, big things come. I didn't make that rule. A bloody Civil War culminating in decapitation of Charles I started with a woman in Scotland throwing a stool at a Preacher.

And in other news, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton threatens to send a stern
e-mail to what's about the weirdest nation on this planet, over sinking of a South Korean ship.

Good ol' Boys, Bad ol' Boys

2010-05-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

Yeah no kidding. I was driving in South Mississippi and a bird swooped down in front of me, had to pull his carcass out of the bumper when I got home. And it was a mockingbird, so how 'bout that? I killed a mockingbird!!! Oh yeah I know technically it was Mustang assisted suicide, but I'm hanging on. It's not every day I get associated with a literary classic. And I deserve to be associated with 'To kill a Mockingbird' cause I feel like Atticus Finch and I look like Boo Radley.

Usually at this juncture I'd comment on status of author Harper Lee. But I recently learned the Reaper reads this blog, so nothing doing. I'm not giving the Reaper any more leads.

While in the deep South I drove past a souvenir place selling bedspread sized Confederate flags with Mr. Obama's picture on them. I wonder if they sell many. I thought about the Chinese workers who made those flags. Bet they were telling each other "Boy, those Americans sure do like their President, huh?"

I understand that some who drove past the store were outraged. Sure hope they don't express that indignation to those flying the Obama/Rebel flag, cause it would tickle them to no end, make 'em worse. They're just good ol' boys. 98 percent of them don't mean any harm at all, they're just trying to get a rise out of folks.

Now the bad ol' boys, that Times Square bomber guy for example. Probably just me, but he looks remarkably like John Stamos' ugly brother. He parked that SUV where it could've killed/injured dozens. He's in a lot of trouble. Along with fertilizer, propane etc. he packed the SUV with fireworks. Fireworks are illegal in NYC. Not like good ol' Mississippi where fireworks are completely legal, and one out of 58 adolescent boys is nicknamed 'lefty.'

Terrorists getting inspiration from Wile E. Coyote are to be preferred over the more lethal sort always. Frankly I don't know how anybody could be too dumb to blow up a car; it's got a tank full of gasoline. Still, it's not very funny. Neither is the talk about enhanced measures for dealing with next suspect.

See, Abdul Stamos there? He's a US citizen. Some from both parties are proposing next time a US citizen is arrested for terror act, no Miranda rights for them. From this we learn that stupid doesn't care what bumper it swoops into.

I avoid cliches like the plague. (That's a joke, get it?) So I won't say 'slippery slope.' Instead I'll say the Rosenbergs were executed for treason, but at no moment right up until 'Old Sparky' was engaged were they considered anything less than full US citizens.

The Founders said the Constitution was to define the powers of government; the rights of citizens are given by God.

Now we want to de-citizen certain suspects? Oh, I know it sounds like loads of fun, but who gets to say what a 'terror act' is? Our Supreme Court finds LOTS of things in the Constitution. They're less than a decade from finding a right to same sex marriage. I'm surprised our Supreme Court hasn't found Jimmy Hoffa's corpse somewhere in the Constitution by now.

Some day, could a Rebel flag with Mr. Obama on it be interpreted as hate speech, and therefore an act of terror?

Rest well brave Lena

2010-05-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

It's not accurate that actresses of elegant bearing are extinct. Each new decade produces a few such women. None of the moderns would compare well with Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly of course; some of the Golden era actresses just seem larger than life. Lena Horne was like that too.

No woman by instinct glides across a polished floor with the grace of a swan; someone has to teach them. Some pupils are better than others. That's Lena for you.

She was chosen by a Hollywood exec to be the crossover pioneer. Diamond in the rough, amazing physical beauty, dazzling smile, lots of raw talent. It was a business project, and success required an overhaul of Lena's public persona.

Don't laugh so loud, don't move your hips in that languid way when you walk. Chin tilted just so, no more dirty jokes. And a hundred other things. Process required to produce a non-threatening asexual negress acceptable in most white theaters.
It worked, and for the following seven decades Lena was almost entirely 'on.'

I wonder how she felt about her role as crossover pioneer. There must've been many of her race who congratulated her, but behind her back called her traitor. For some of her less chameleon-like contemporaries, Lena must've seen the opposite but twin of Stepin Fetchit. Well we all can't be Paul Robeson can we? And I'm not sure Robeson, outside his amazing talents, was very effective at anything except expressing his personal indignation.

Lena didn't learn how to move like a swan in order to change the world. She embarked on an early career of three minute bit parts that could be excised for Southern markets to make money and attain public recognition.

My favorite kind of oddball, among the many varities of kooks populating Earth, are those who don't set out to change the world, but do any way.

Lena was taught a persona and she wore it well. Some of it sunk in to her DNA to where it was Lena, but I don't think the persona ever replaced Lena. Her USO work was punctuated by angry expletive rage, after seeing German POW's given preference seating over black US soldiers. Wish I could talk to her about that, wonder what her exact feelings were. Was part of that rage against the fluke of genetics that made her look more 'white' than her blood kin? I'd like to ask Lena about that, but she was always too 'on' to deliver an uncrafted response. Can't get a straight answer from a swan.

And now Lena has passed, taking with her all those complex personas she seemed to balance so nonchalantly. I wonder if it was ever that nonchalant really. Jugglers make it look easy too. Rest well brave Lena. I'll always love you, whoever you were.

Expect the Unexpected

2010-05-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah sure. Paul Harvey wasn't always the 'rest of the story' likeable coot. Back in the 1950's he had a Geraldo streak. Paul was planning an expose on lax security at military bases. Setting up the money shot, Paul tried one night to sneak onto a military base, and got caught quicker than a blind shoplifter. It turned out OK though; they didn't waterboard him or anything. So why do people attempt really dumb things? It's because they don't expect to fail.

Years after Paul made a monkey of himself, an actual monkey was busy inventing the concept of Trick For Treat. Was a nice day following a stretch of icky weather at the Omaha Zoo. The Orangutans got out of their enclosure. They went to the trees over by the Elephant area and were having a swell time. One of those apes was a young male named Fu Manchu. So the keepers finally lured the Orangutans back to cages using delicious monkey treats, and the humans got a big butt chewing about latching the gate correctly.

Now the very next pretty day, same thing happened again exactly the same way. Only difference was bigger butt chewing. Third time, Fu Manchu got busted. He was carefully looking first to see if no humans were around, then he jammed the gate up. Then Fu pulled from his mouth a bit of wire, which he used to trip the gate latch.

That was 1968. All the world's primatologists would've said an Orangutan is incapable of such behavior. Primates can't be sneaky, they can't hide things, they can't pick locks, they can't plan like that. Primates aren't sneaky; they've got the IQ of a three year old human. I must as an aside say that any primatologist who thinks a toddler isn't sneaky must be childless.

Know why Fu Manchu could do things nobody expected? Cause he didn't spend much time talking with primatologists.

In Engineering project planning, there's a thing called FMEA; failure mode effect analysis. What you do is sit around a conference room drinking institutional grade coffee. Oh yeah, coffee sold to institutional accounts has a higher level of Robusta beans than Arabica. Very interesting story, but I don't want to get sidetracked here.

So what you're doing is making up worst case scenarios for the proposed project. That's the only part requires imagination; afterwards math takes over. For each scenario, a likelihood number is applied. Then a 'how bad would it be if that happened' number. Lastly 'would people get hurt?' number. You run them together and FMEA tells you what you better have a backup plan for.
Yes kids, that's exactly how we science giant biz wiz types do it.

There's just one thing I can't figger out. How come nobody at BP knows what a FMEA is? I'm not one to judge, but looks like somebody missed something obvious, that would apply to all offshore drilling rigs.

"What happens if the well springs a leak?"
"We've got a shutoff valve."

How come nobody asked what would happen if the shutoff valve failed? Did they run out of coffee or something?

Memphis in May-be

2010-05-05T05:21:00.000-07:00

A Southern writer once said that a lucrative career is available in explaining the South to outsiders. Well I'm not able to do that, cause I don't understand the South either. But a lot of interesting things happen around here, and I can write what I see.

Every year since medieval times probably, first weekend in May is the Memphis Music Fest, a massive three day outdoor venue for selling beer to the underaged. Oh yeah, and they have music too. One thing all Memphis area residents agree on about the first weekend in May; it's gonna rain.

Not just a misty, refreshing romantic 'April in Paris' kind of rain either. Southern river towns don't do anything tepidly. It's going to rain buckets, car wash on steroids kind of rain.

I keep forgetting to talk about the music! The lineup is comprised of a few currently hot bands, a lot of not quite there yet bands, and a healthy sprinkling from the 'Is he still alive?' category. Nobody cares much about the music though. They come because it's a big wet tee shirt contest where teens can get a beer or ten.

This year was no different, and it was. The rain started Friday evening, rolling across in hard waves, spaced out every thirty minutes or hour. Saturday was no different. Now Saturday night, it got serious. Yeah, right about here I fold in WW2...

Before radar, Southerners had to look at the sky and use their intuition about seeking shelter. Lots of times that didn't work, because killing storms can arrive without a warmup band, anytime they wish. Then came a terrible war in which untold millions lost their lives, and we got radar.

Radar said it was very likely tornados would be making an unscheduled appearance at the Memphis Music Fest. An unprecedented thing was done; the plug was pulled on the show and all the revellers were ordered to leave immediately.

Hmmm... I wonder where thousands of young folks go when they're too drunk to go home. I'll have to think about that later.

And in a 250 mile radius around the Memphis riverfront, as that drama was taking place, people were losing their homes, businesses and lives. Storms and flash floods killed people in their sleep and killed people trying to escape. Sometimes radar isn't much help at all. So that's a thing I know about the South. Death and destruction can come swiftly; it's always been like that. In some way, that fact informs Southern culture.

Mr. Economics Guy

2010-05-03T06:25:00.001-07:00

Hmmm, I wonder what concessions Germany will demand of Greece before supplying cash infusion? Because they have to do it, even though it's widely unpopular among German voters. German populace thinks Greeks are lazy and backward, and resent their tax money being sent to a nation with cushier gov't benefits.

But it has to be done if EU viability is to be defended. This is a hinge of history. I've been watching the EU for a long time, for two reasons.

First, because successful EU would shift financial/political dominance from US to Europe. Only US choice would be to try to cobble a North/South America trading bloc.
Second, I never thought they could do it; didn't even think they could make it this far. After all, the nations of Europe fought one another for five centuries, finally achieving the subconscious goal of mutual irrelevance in 1945.

But the EU is somewhat of a viable political entity; we'll see if it passes the Greece test. I use the 'somewhat' qualifier cause EU is hilarious. Germany runs the whole shebang. Results of WW2 just in: Nazis lost and Germany won! There's a reason Margaret Thatcher was privately uneasy about the Berlin Wall coming down.

And I'm looking at the whole world economy, and I'm starting to wonder if our expectations aren't built on a statistical anomaly. Twentieth century started with Industrial Revolution puzzle pieces starting to mesh together. We also spent two major World Wars happily destroying factory made goods all over the planet. So that's the century from which we draw our expectations of a mainly manufacturing economic model; the strangest century in Western Civ, since the Black Death/Protestant Reformation century.

Hmmm. Guess I should fold in 'planned obsolescense' right about here... it's mostly a canard. It's attributed to Brooks Stevens; very smart guy. He was refering to his idea for kitchen appliances in colors besides white. His theory was that women would off-load still functioning stoves & refrigerators for more stylish ones. Only consistent ongoing PO approach I know of is Japanese heavy machine tooling. That's not really perfidious either. They design/build on the belief that tech advances define the product's lifespan.

But what if everything we bought lasted nearly forever, and cost only a little more than crap we're buying now? We wouldn't have money to buy immortal products, that's what. So a lot of our current manufacturing world model is based on replacement sales. The Chinese don't build crap because they want to; they build it because US consumers look at sticker price before anything else, in most 'durable' goods purchases.

I actually know some guys who delivered a product with 10 year life cycle, replacing a product with 3 year life, for only about twice the cost. They made millions, and then sold the company, quite wisely. Because once the market was saturated, sales went through the basement, and were last seen nearing the center of the Earth.

So we've got an expectation of an economy where forty percent of jobs are manufacturing, based on a very unusual century. And we've got a secret relationship with product obsolescence. Maybe our expectation is long term unsustainable. Maybe the real economic model is mostly service sector and perishables like food, medicine and clothing. There's always going to be tech advances that will surge new manufacturing, but the real model, the irrevocable reality is service/perishables.

It still Rains Frogs

2010-04-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

Charles Fort was a kook, a crank, a horribly disorganized writer and far too credulous in data selection. In Charles' lifetime, science was already en route to ascendancy as a high priesthood; Hiroshima locked that in long after Fort's death.

Even a kook can be prescient about one thing, and so it was with Fort. He pointed out that 'Science' has a habit of throwing out data that doesn't fit dogma. Examples abound in Fort's several books. It does rain frogs now & then. Also rains fish, shrimp, walnuts and chickpeas (some kinda legume. What am I here, Julia Child or something?). There was in fact a documented fish rain in Australia early this year.

Fort's sneering thesis was since 'Science' wasn't able to explain these strange rains, the data was dismissed. Hundreds of eyewitness accounts were thrown out, because the witnesses were 'uneducated and superstitious.' Fort said, 'Nope, that's not why the data was tossed. It's because it didn't fit the dogma.'

Charles was right. In 2010 he's righter than ever.

So let's look at Charles Darwin dogma with a Charles Fort eye...

Indisputable that a panda isn't a bear. Its closest relative is the raccoon. So a panda is really a big fat bamboo munching Chinese raccoon. So both raccoons & pandas descend from a common, now extinct animal we'll call pandarac. Let's focus on the panda line.

According to Darwin, spontaneous mutations happen all the time in newborn individuals. Over eons, some are beneficial, like longer claws maybe. These enhance reproductive capacity, so they slowly become dominant traits. It keeps going like that, then one day you got an individual born that isn't a pandarac at all. It's a brand new species, a pre-panda. Brand new species; hence Darwin's title 'Origins of the Species.'

A species is a species because it has a distinct number of chromosones in all cells, including sex cells. That's why kangaroos and horses can't have babies together; each has diff number of chromosones, so at fertilization things wouldn't line up. Horses & kangaroos are two different species.

Let's get back to the pandarac. According to Darwin, spontaneous mutations went on and on with newborn individuals, and one day you get a brand new species, the pre-panda. There's just one thing? That newly minted spontaneous mutated new species individual? Who did it have babies with?

IF evolution is a primal self-sustaining force, laid complete in an instant by a perfect Creator, same as hurricanes or tectonic plate action? Then some complementary force not yet discovered exists, ensuring when a new species pops up, co-mutation has taken place among other newborn individuals.

IF evolution isn't God designed, looks to me like each new species would be a reproductive dead end.

Now see, what I just typed? That's real Science; as opposed to a bunch of witch doctor dogma. Real science is willing to keep questioning and seeking truth. I think my case for God designed evolution is air tight logic.

Anybody who'd argue against a Creator using their scraps of approved data? They look to me like a ten year old who's found a cake recipe, and runs through the house shouting "See? There is no Mom!"

Could be Scooter, you've found proof that there is a Mom...

Eureka and stuff

2010-04-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm trying to find a job, it can be disheartening at times. But I'm not discouraged. After all, with people finding stuff everywhere this week, how difficult can a job be to find?

Yes, a veritable corncupoia of discovery took place this week, and it's not even Saturday yet!

Out in Idaho, researchers have found the fabled Prairie worm! Rumored to be three feet long, smell like lillies and spit when angry, some scientists dismissed it as frontier myth, while others pushed on stubbornly. Now the worm has been found! It's actually about twelve inches long, smells pretty much like other worms, and hasn't spit at anybody yet, but it is the Prairie worm. Environmental groups are already preparing papers to get the worm designated a threatened species. Though not the length of a yard stick exactly, researchers claim it's still the biggest worm in the entire US, aside from Woody Allen of course.

And in Turkey, a Hong Kong based Christian group has announced the discovery of Noah's Ark. Well, that's clumsy story cycle management, announcing Tuesday. Friday morning is one's best bet with material like that. 24/7 news programmers are always starving for weekend stories, tough to line up skeptics on the weekend, so your narrative pretty much gets repeated unchallenged for three days. But clumsy story management has no bearing on the story's veracity; the Ark discovery story is fake on its own merits. Yep, the beautiful photos look way too much like a movie set. Come to think of it, that'd have been much better plot for the final Indiana Jones film, "Raiders of the OTHER lost Ark." Whatever goes on there, "Hong Kong based Christian group" is real, and much more lovely than a boat on a mountain. Two thousand years ago a Jewish carpenter promised not earthly prosperity, but a peaceful heart, and the message still grows like Kudzu anywhere it's given a fair hearing.

OK David, but giant (not so giant really) worms and Biblical boats, that's targeted search result stuff. Don't you have anything found by people who WEREN'T looking? I'm glad you asked.

In Switzerland, more than a hundred crematory urns have been found at the bottom of a lake, by Search & Resuce divers who were looking for a piece that fell off their boat. These appear to be remains of visitors to the Swiss assisted suicide clinic, and boy is the Swiss government ticked off! Turns out it's quite legal to operate a 'suicide tourism' spot, but chunking ash filled urns into a lake is a serious felony. I'm not going to wade into assisted suicide; I've my own opinions. Instead I'll just observe that folks who make money by helping others end their lives probably shouldn't be expected to show a lot of reverence for customers' remains.

So if people are finding stuff all over the place, I've a fair shot at finding a job, I should think.

From 'am not' to 'am too'

2010-04-23T10:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I should probably be writing about ordinary people doing wonderful things against towering odds, inspirational type stuff. Eh, probably get around to it in the near future. But about this Gay World Series deal?

I had no idea there was such a thing, but there is. Turns out there are all Gay amateur baseball teams all over the country competing against one another in a structured league format. OK, I got to set some ground rules right now? We're not gonna have any of the many obvious jokes. Nothing like, "Cochran, you're pitching lousy; I'm taking you out. Hit the showers." Followed by, "The showers? Thanks a LOT Coach, you wanna come too?" Nope, we're just not gonna have anything like that.

The issue is the Gay World Series. Second place finisher was stripped of win this week, because two team members are merely bisexual. Yep, I'm not kidding. I find this intriguing on many levels.

Like, you're bisexual there. What percent of your intimate encounters must be same-sex to qualify for 'pretty much gay'? I'm sure we'd all agree 90 percent is a lock, but what about thirty percent? Maybe the guy lives in a rural area where opportunities for same-sex sex are limited, so is that fair?

My favorite, like knockdown dragout favorite part of this story though? The GWS oversight committee did a 45 minute interrogation of the merely bisexual players before rendering verdict. Wonder what questions they asked? What would a pop quiz on gayness be like?

Were the bisexual players asked to name five Judy Garland songs, or names of all the leads in 'CATS' something like that maybe? Or were they asked to tell three colors that complement chartreuse? Could be they were asked questions from some uber-secret gay version of the Karma Sutra. Something like, "If you're doing 'blooming Lotus' what is proper placement of your left elbow?"

I've no idea what the questions were, but the two players must've failed their gayness pop quiz.

Eh, confusing times these. I sincerely feel sorry for the players who lost the second place credit while being furiously purely homosexual in all their intimate encounters.

But I'm a historian, and that requires a dispassionate perspective. I'm certain this incident marks the first time in American history anyone has been accused of not being very homosexual, and objected strenuously.

Behold the cusp of history. From 'Am Not!' all the way to 'Am Too!' and historians are charged with noting these sea changes. Who better after all? We historians have LOADS of free time.

Shouldn't take Sherlock

2010-04-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

There are two very good reasons I don't write on my beliefs, opinions, activities. First, I'm not that interesting. Second, my strength is observing the passing parade in a kind of literary freeze-tag, where I stop action long enough to ask, "does this make sense? No it doesn't, because it's stupid." And since it's common knowledge I never do stupid things, not much material in me really. But I got to write something about this 'Mystery Diagnosis' show.

Say you're in bed fighting one of those 48 hour bugs that's probably going around. 103 temperature, chills, night sweats, trying to find adequate TV entertainment. Turn on 'Mystery Diagnosis' throw in a high fever, and a strange internal dialogue begins...

Pssst Dave, see that girl? When she was a teen, every time she got her period, came with flu-like symptoms. She thought it was no big deal. See? She just said it again!
Then she moved to California and her boobs grew a cup size while she was standing at the luggage carousel, and she thought it was no big deal.

Lots of mid-west girls' boobs grow when they move to SoCal. It's called a culture that values style over substance.

Yep, well took months for them to get back to normal size. Then she got married, moved to Florida, and the same boob thing happened again. She thought it was no big deal. Then one day she finds it hard to climb a flight of stairs; 30yo woman. Month later walking across a room leaves her breathless. Then it's a big deal. All started with flu-like symptoms.

Shut up. I don't have boobs.

Thankfully, a Three Stooges marathon came on next, but an introspection infection had seated in my feverish noggin. Around hour 72 of my 48 hour bug I was wondering how to invent a pillow that stays cool all the time. But I was thinking about something else too, cause thinking about only one thing at a time, well that's just boring.

Had to admit, having a 103 temp for three days, yeah maybe that could be something serious. But on the other hand? I've had a lot of experiences past year or so that haven't been a bit pleasant, and to which the phrase 'Deja Vu' would not attach, not even with super glue. Could it be all this junk has me hyper-sensitized to dark speculation? Am I becoming a Jewish grandmother?

Seems clear to me the Creator in His/Its Wisdom has turned me into a continuing daytime drama; I just don't know how many seasons I'm gonna run. I don't know what the title would be... "The Old and the Listless" maybe? Or how about "The Bald and the Beautiful?" All I know is I barely missed a guest bit on "General Hospital."

What is it about me and Pneumonia? Am I just pneumonia-friendly or something? I know plenty of people who've never had it, yet this is my fourth round. But we should thank God in all things, because God is everywhere in all things.

So I thank God for modern medicine, and antibiotics, and that I haven't grown boobs, yet.

Pamnesty

2010-04-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

Like I say every year when KISS gets snubbed by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, it's always the shy, non-assertive people who get run over in this world. So in the same way I defend KISS I now rise to say a word for Pamela Anderson.

Word came this week the former 'Baywatch' star is on the hook for $450K in unpaid past taxes to the IRS.

What? You want to write the jokes now? Why don't you start your own blog! OK, all right I'll say it... Pam Anderson is SO Busted! Happy now smartypants?

This isn't funny business, that's a lot of money. Ms. Anderson is seriously in arrears. That's a lot to be behind. They may grab her assets.

Around tax time, IRS usually makes some kind of high-profile announcement like that. Guess they think it's intimidatory PR or something. I could see it having opposite effect though really. We're not so much of a long-term thinking culture nowadays, after all. Could well be some tax cheat hears that and thinks, "If it took so long to catch her, I'm probably OK a few more years."

But we can get too caught up in the faceless ebb & flow of things and forget there's a very real person at the center of this drama; Pamela Anderson.

Of course we're all tempted to wonder what Pam's done in the past ten years to earn a paycheck. I dunno either, but movies get made in Spain, Italy, and Eastern Europe all the time where she'd come in handy probably.

Some might find it difficult to see Pam sympathetically. But I say that tax bill should be forgiven based on her contribution to the Tabloid publishing industry alone. There was a time, in between Princess Di's death and Britney Spears/Paris Hilton gearing up, Pam singlehandedly supported several checkout aisle publications.

So if the Pres can pardon a Turkey every Thanksgiving, I should think Ms. Anderson could receive Pamnesty on her tax debt. Hey! Just had a thought (which is rare for me). Former Pres Clinton should try pardoning her! That's never been addressed by the Supreme Court, whether a former Pres still has pardon privilege.

Just sayin' here? If we let former Presidents retain pardon privilege, we could revoke their pensions, and they'll do just fine. Hey, we're all for reducing National debt, right?

Uhmmm... what was I typing about? Oh yeah! Pamela Anderson. Most people don't know how Pam found herself in this bind. Well I keep abreast (sorry, couldn't help meself) of these issues. What happened is this...

On page 1834 of the new healthcare bill, there's a federal sales tax on cosmetic surgery, retroactive to 1985, so that's what happened. Dolly Parton's probably in a heap of trouble too.

I'm glad Michael Jackson's dead, cause this would kill him.

Missing the Pigs

2010-04-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

The only news worth commenting on is the Pulitzers snubbed me again! I mean, I'm out here doing cutting edge journalism breaking stories like the misspelled tattoo scandal, but fine! Just give the Pulitzers to your pals at CNN and the New York Times, I don't care. Know why that bunch never does tattoo stories? I'll tell you why; they've all been bought off by Tattoo Ink Inc. that's why. Those TII bastards!

I'll just write on pigs instead. The boat ride was Jesus' idea. Christ was taking a nap at the back of the boat, because healing lepers all day is exhausting work, when the storm hit. The disciples were scared, since flotation devices were a rarity back then; somebody woke up Jesus. Christ said something like, "It's all right sissyboys. Hey storm, knock it off would ya?"

The disciples were rather amazed at the results... I find that hilarious. Would seem to me, I mean? Why'd you wake Him up if you didn't expect a positive outcome? But that's not the funniest part; that happened when they hit shore. They were at Geserenes, a large city populated by Hellenized semites. It was a good place for Jews who'd so disgraced themselves, not even their Mommas loved 'em anymore.

Not recorded, but I think Jesus went to Geserenes specifically for one bit of exorcism. I should point out there are many modern Secularists who consider 'demon possession' in the Bible merely misdiagnosed Epilepsy. I dunno; I've never once met an epileptic who lived in a graveyard and menaced travellers, but that's just me.

So the well known story... the Demons asked not to be cast into the sea, but allowed to enter a nearby herd of pigs. Christ allowed that, and then the pigs ran to the sea and drowned themselves... Jesus could be a real practical joker at times.

The scholarship isn't thorough on what went down in Geserenes after that, but we'd all agree Jesus was in trouble. That's destruction of personal property there. Recently I found the rest of the story written on the back of the 'Mona Lisa' so here it is...

Chamber of Commerce held an emergency meeting, the Mayor was there too. It was unanimously agreed, Geserenes wouldn't stand for wandering Rabbis showing up and damaging the agri-business sector. Consensus broke down quickly on the whole 'what to do about it' thing though. That's where consensus usually breaks down. At length it was decided, they'd go with the secret weapon of all elected officials; a very very large committee.
So they all went to the shore to see Jesus. Got off to a rough start though. Formerly demon-infested guy wouldn't hush the whole praise & thanks bit. Finally somebody said, "Shut up will ya, formerly demon-infested guy who now is healed. We're trying to talk to the trouble making pig killer here, all right?"

Jesus was urged that Geserenes would feel much better, if He'd just go back where He came from, and He agreed. And that's exactly what happened, according to the back of the 'Mona Lisa.' Not the actual woman I mean, but the painting of her. I don't know whether the woman had any tattoos or not.
Hmmm... what else? Oh yeah! Pork belly futures closed sharply higher in Geserenes commodity trading that day.

Bad Ideas...

2010-04-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

Well, as Hemingway counselled, write from your own personal experience, right? Now these two pictures here, that's visual representation of bad ideas, but the pairing is an example of synergy. Either photo tells a humorous story alone, but together? It becomes "The Mysterious Case of the Wandering D"...

Will get back to them in a minute though. Two women got caught trying to get a dead guy on a plane??? It's a bad idea, but only because they were never going to get away with it; UK airport security is second only to Israeli. I admire the logic behind the attempt though. It likely costs more to transport a corpse than an airline ticket costs, so... who am I to juge.

This lad here, well? I don't have any tattoo at this time; probably never will. The tattoo artist seemed ambivalent about CApiTals anD lowEr cAsE letters though, didn't he/she? I'm suspecting the sentiment is less religious faith than youthful rebellion. This tattoo though? It's a rarity in the world, being a self-fulfilling anti-prophecy. I very seldom encounter those. Cause see? Just about every english speaker at the beach IS going to juge him.

As opposed to that idiot who scared an airliner full of people by smoking a cigarette in the restroom. Bad idea all the way around! Scrambled fighter jets? SHEESH! He won't be prosecuted though cause he's a Diplomat. Yep, Mohammed Al-Madadi from Qatar. No, I don't know if he was smoking a Camel!!! That joke's too easy, I'll let Leno have it. Whole thing could've gone very badly though, had the air marshalls not stayed cool. Barely missed being a Tradgedy.

I take exception to the young lady's locational choice for her tattoo. All the world's a stage, and we each play many roles in our brief time on Earth. Sure she's got hardware in her mouth now, but? Seeming a finger snap, that fast and she's 37, married to a Dentist. That tattoo location will vastly limit wardrobe choices for attending formal events, ya think? Oh she'll be all right I suspect. Twenty years from now tattoo removal will likely be a thriving business.

Who I really feel sorry for is the tattoo artist. What a cruel irony, having handwriting so pretty, yet being obviously dyslexic. That's a real tradgedy.

All Orgs have challenges

2010-04-06T05:30:00.000-07:00

It's just a fact. The more people in your organization, the more likely some individual is acting improperly right this minute. Org chaos is big in the news this week, so it's appropriate to address this fundamental fact of human interactions.

Fundamental to human nature really. Comes from the dichotomy of our nature. We yearn to be fully realized individuals while yearning to belong to something bigger than us. Causes a lot of probs really; clearly evident all through history...

You got the Odyssey, epic story of Ulysses trying to get home after the Trojan War. Know why it took him ten years? Had too many guys with him. One can barely turn a page without yet another of Ulysses' crew doing something disastrously stupid, often against direct orders.

Jesus understood this irony of human nature and worked hard against it. Kept his core group small, and spent a lot of time reminding them of the Mission Statement. That was the most effective Org in written history, but the disciples were always giving Christ trouble. It's not just Judas either; Jesus had three employees who seem to have spent most their time arguing over which of them was the coolest.

Now this week, news that a GOP employee turned in an expense report including a pricey visit to a fetish themed stripper bar. In his defense, there's probably nothing specifically addressing that in the employee handbook, which reveals another leadership frustration...

The more people on your team, the more likely a few are doing not just easily anticipated stupid, but amazing gravity-defying stupid!!!

Also this week a decades old sex abuse story that some secular media types are trying hard to blame on Pope Benedict. Well hmmm... as a lifelong student of Organizational Chaos, looks like this to me? Every Org with thousands of members will have a few rotten apples, and above them some mid-levels who place the bureaucracy above its stated principles. Nobody's convinced me yet that's Pope Benedict's personal responsibility.

I kind of like Pope Benedict, and that's not a widely held position. Wonder why such an obviously smart guy would agree to follow John Paul II? Guess he just really really wanted to be Pope, huh? Because following the most widely loved, media sharp charismatic Pontiff ever, well... that's kinda like the Monkees on tour with Jimi Hendrix, isn't it?

Yeah, I wonder how that 1967 tour went? The Mozart of electric guitar, who'll change Rock & Roll forever... and the Monkees. Jimi comes out for a set, "Foxy Lady" and "Purple Haze" sets his guitar on fire, such as that. Then a brief interlude while janitorial sweeps guitar ashes off stage of course, and then, and then?
Davey Jones shaking his tambourine and "Hey hey we're the Monkees"...

So yeah, I rather like Pope Benedict, cause right about now he must feel a LOT like Peter Tork.

Ticking down

2010-04-03T19:01:00.000-07:00

Sitting here expecting to watch the sun rise tomorrow in my back yard, drinking cup of coffee. Lunar calendar wise, is the true observance of the pivotal moment in human history.

Old Testament, now that's great literature. It's got it all! Fratricide, matricide, patricide, adultery, incest, killing giants with slingshots, throwing foreskins at God (no kidding, look it up) so what's not to like there? Even some cannibalism in the Old Testament.

New Testament has been unhelpfully sanitized in places, so allow me? Here's what really happened Easter morning, OK?

Disciples were laying low, expecting to get busted either by Romans or Sanhedrin any minute. I know a lot about this, because I once ran a very lucrative import/export business in the late 70's but government interference, y'know?

So... knock at the door. It's just the chicks, they're cool. Door opens and in comes the game changers. They're glowing like a lightning bug on his honeymoon, wild eyed and talking crazy. "He is risen, He lives! The grave has no power!"

The hiding disciples said, "What the Hell are you talking about?" Yep, disciples said cuss words, and so did Jesus; deal with it.

I find it difficult that some sects won't accept female preachers when our Lord entrusted the most important news of human history to some Jew girls. Lots of good stuff got edited out of New Testament.
"Lord we came here to annoint your body with herbs, and find you alive as us. Where are the Roman soldiers put to guard your tomb?"
"Well I don't know girls, and yeah actually I do, but they sure did scatter fast when that Angel rolled away the stone. Wish you'd been here, it was hilarious!"

So that's some of what was edited from New Testament. Mostly though, ticking down to the most important sunrise in human history, I think what was left out of Jesus' time in the desert, speaking with Satan.

After all the flashy temptation stuff, Satan and Jesus sat around a sputtering fire in the gathering cold of the Sinai desert sunset. Satan said, "You and me go way back. In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was God and was with God, so I know this stuff. You and me go way back, I have the right to ask questions, even though I'm Satan of course and want to sabotage your mission. Don't you feel any qualms at all about what is soon to unfold?"

Jesus said, "Of course. What do you think I am, an idiot?"
Satan said, "That fire feels good on a cold desert night, doesn't it? But then, I'd be expected to enjoy a fire, huh?" And he laughed heartily.

"You know I'll be the leader in the crowd shouting 'give us Barrabas' and some of those who've seen your miracles with their own eyes will shout for your blood, you of course know that?"

"Reckon I do, and yeah a fire is nice on a cold desert night."

"You are NOT my Lord, yet you are. You know every name written in the Book of Life, yet you come to take on what I will gleefully orchestrate, so why? What do you think your horrible death will change? Many millions will join me in eternal seperation from the eternal light, so why Jesus?"

"I respect that scorpion crawling on that rock over there more than I do you Satan. It obeys its Creator. You, unable to ask an honest question, and we both know it. I'll die at the hands of those I came to heal, to offer them a choice."

Tomorrow as sun rises? Me, to paraphrase St. Paul? Me, a chief among sinners who has earned a horrible death on a Cross. I will be in my back yard, pro-choice.

Holy Week Update

2010-04-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

Well sure I'm commenting on the news! It's always new news, and really really old news too.

"The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God"

That's from Psalms, ca. 1000 BC. I still say BC, though I know 'BCE' is current fashion among historians. Atheists have been around a LONG LONG time!

Which brings up something I never thoughted about before. What do atheist kids hunt on Easter weekend? I should market Darwin eggs! That'd be cool; multi-colored plastic eggs with a swirly pattern running around them. Start with slime, through fish, amphibian, monkey and finally TA-DAHH! Upright man walking at the end of the little plastic Darwin egg spiral. Yes, upright man, the dangest highest expression of blind mutation what ever was or shall be! All bow and worship, uhmm... yourself!

I should get right on that Darwin egg thing, probably be a big seller. Uhmm... not not really, not so much. There's not really a lot of Atheists in this world; it just seems that way because in Western Civ they get to be so loud. But I don't want to type about Atheists anyways. Just wanted to observe they've been with us since
1000 BC at least. I want to talk about wasps!

People like me enjoy keeping track of science. Did you know there is a territorial fish, that alters its landscape (well waterscape I guess) in ways that will attract prey animals? Well there is. LOTS of bee and ant research runs past my sponge brain regularly. Some recent examples would be...

Queen Ants don't mind so much if two thirds of colony members die fighting; she's a CYA kinda girl, that type.

Honey bees had a really hard Winter, and they weren't doing just dandy before Winter. That's bad, because along with earthworms, Honey bees are the unthanked providers of every American meal.

But why have I never run across any wasp research? Could it be they're not exactly 'user friendly' insects? I bet a wasp would sting a corpse just for practice. I've always wanted to start an Internet urban myth, and maybe here's me chance. How about... "Five year, fifty million dollar taxpayer funded study concludes, wasps are mean little bastards."

Don't laugh; I bet it'd catch on better than Darwin eggs. So why do wasps exist anyways? A very frustrated person asked me exactly that yesterday. I told him, "Well, I'm not sure. But I do know the larva make excellent fish bait. Perch are crazy for them. Old folks used to knock a nest down, and that's good fishing there, or so I was told."

I don't think he found that answer satisfactory. I learned that info from a darling ancient lady who was alive before Teddy Roosevelt was president, and was a certifiable wild child well past puberty, and I mean decades past puberty. I knew her as a nearly blind old woman who could bake the best lemon pie you ever ate, and was drop dead crazy for fishing.

But it's a fair question; what are wasps good for? I know they eat flies. So no wasps, a bunch more flies. Other than that I don't really know, except it pleases God they exist. That's enough answer.

Wholly Holy Week News

2010-03-31T06:27:00.000-07:00

Abundance, as God defines it, is available in each individual life. That's a good thought for Holy Week. Guess a small part of my pursuing abundance would be ramping up the blog output a bit this week. Not like I lack for material after all. For those who dine on the absurd... well, the table groans beneath the weight of the feast.

News accidentally reaches me that Sandra Bullock's husband has announced he's seeking mental help over some (apparently) well publicized personal indiscretion. Well I think psychiatry is often elevated beyond its proper place in our culture, becoming at times a quasi-religion excuse generator. But in this here case, the guy's got a point. If you've been running around on Sandra Bullock yeah, you probably should get your brain looked at real quick. If there were such a thing as a psychiatric ER, they'd be calling Code Blue on you! Hey, now there's a thought? They have defribulators for when hearts stop, so how about a brain defribulator? Just stick those paddles to the ears, yell "CLEAR!" and jump start that brain! I could invent that!

Group therapy sessions aren't going to go well for Sandra Bullock's husband though. I mean, you're sitting around with others and you're all 'sharing' and I foresee problems...

"Yeah, you don't know the pressure, having a wife so talented, rich and beautiful."
"Excuse me, but could you fast forward to the part that makes me feel sympathetic?"

Not gonna be good for group morale either. I envision people out in the exercise yard--- er, I mean 'contemplation garden' and they're smoking cigarettes right down to the filters, and the conversation will be...

"Hey, you guys know me! Strippers, gambling, I used to be the craziest guy in here, then along comes Mr. 'I cheated on Sandra Bullock' and it ain't fair!"

Also this week, lots of personal drama went on all over this country, far from the interest of celebrity crazed media. Letters from elite Universities started hitting mailboxes. Yeah, some major happy dances in some envelopes, but the acceptance rate for those schools is single digit. Ninety percent of the applying HS Seniors got rejection letters. Half of them got multiple 'No thanks' letters, and now they'll have to ratchet down their dreams to State University.

I know I know, you want me to fast forward to where you're supposed to feel sympathetic... for most if not all the rejecteds, that letter's the first time the adult world has slapped them down. They've worked so hard, for what to them is all their lives, to be strait A students, valedictorian, all the AP classes, to be special. Now there it is in their cookie hooks, Vanderbilt etc. letterhead in very polite language saying essentially, "Naw, you ain't that special."

Got to be a crushing moment. My advice to those kids would be save those rejection letters. Be mindful that abundance, as God defines it, is available in each individual life. Go on about your business, and the day will come those rejection letters will make you smile.

Listen up Steve

2010-03-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

Full disclosure, I think "Social Studies" has a vaguely Orwellian whang to it, like "Homeland Security." If it's History & Geography, just call it that, OK?

Texas has ordered content revision prior to its next purchase of Social Studies textbooks. More Alamo, less global warming, something like that I'd suspect. Reason that's a national story is because volume of Texas purchases means it's cheaper for other states to adopt nearly same book. Much as I admire Texas' proud heritage, they really shouldn't be writing other people's schoolbooks.

But less philosophically, am I the ONLY person who sees that big mountain of money shimmering in the distance? Must be upward of a Billion easy; we just gonna keep driving around it on our way to the brain dead status quo?

Steve Jobs is about to start selling the I-pad; quite a fancy little gadget. No doubt it could only be more fragile if it was made from dragonfly wings, and it's already been leaked that battery replacement will be $100. It'll sell fine Steveo, but here's you a side project.

Start by determining target price. Then challenge your development group. You want version of the I-pad stripped to specific essentials, you want it chimp-proof robust, you want it feasibly repairable, and at the target price.

Congrats Steve; you just invented the I-book. In this context, I is for Infinite. Now choose a small upper-middle class school district in a good media exposure area and give I-books free to every 9th grader. Oh, be sure to throw in a VERY well padded carrying case. So gone are the several books kids lug around. Each text is pre-loaded on the I-book as screen icons. Turn in the I-book at the end of school year, and at end of summer all the sophomore texts are loaded and welcome back kids.
Sit back and be patient, won't take long. It'll catch like prairie fire in coastal affluent school districts and quickly move inland.

This accomplishes several things Steveo. Off the top of my bald head...
a. School districts will love it. At maybe $250 per I-book and a reasonable one-time blanket cost for each digitized textbook, they'll save tons of dough.
b. You're getting school districts to pay for the privilege of getting future customers comfy with your tech.
c. Leverage the newly won reputation for Apple as builder of the most robust and affordably repairable tech available.
d. You'll sell a lot of I-books Steve. Volume will afford manufacturing efficiencies and provide cost reduction on shared component purchases.
e. School districts in Seattle want textbooks, not texasbooks. I-book will easily accomodate textbook specialization very affordably.
f. Which brings me to the last point (ADD now kicking in) you just birthed Apple Publishing Steveo. Your source code is proprietary, right? Nobody can digitize any
I-book without your permission, right? I can easily foresse a future state outcome where people go to Barnes & Noble, pay $12 to have the latest Dan Brown book loaded on their zip drive.

Glad we could have this little talk Mr. Jobs. I'll send you an invoice.

Three perspectives

2010-03-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

Some people speak of logic like it's the same thing as math; as long as everybody's using it, same answer is reached. I don't think it's like that at all. There's this Harvard ethics professor, and his lectures are much enjoyed by students. That because he's a brain picker; casts out hypothetical situations and teaches ethics by engaging students on the available choices.

So I was listening to one of his lectures on NPR the other day. He said to students, "You're the driver of a trolley and its brakes are gone. You know if you keep going straight, at bottom of hill five men are working on the track and it's likely they'll be killed. You're approaching an adjacent track and you can turn onto it. You know at the end of that track one man is working and he'll be killed. Raise your hand if you would turn."

This is when it got really interesting for me. He said, "OK you can put your hands down. Those of you who wouldn't turn, raise your hands. Very well, you may put your hands down. Now let me add some more information to the scenario..."

Right about there is when I'd have got kicked out of the class, because I'd have been saying, "Whoa whoa whoa? We don't need any more information until I ask a few questions of the 'go for five' club here, OK Professor?"

And it's just amazing. He asked for a show of hands on the straight ahead option because he teaches the course every year; he KNOWS some students wouldn't turn!

I found the entire thing quite perplexing and stopped listening to the lecture at that point. These Harvard kids are smart boys & girls after all; I've got to presume the 'go for five' club had some kind of logic supporting their choice. It just settled on my brain and wouldn't leave... what good reason might a Trolley driver have for not turning?

To find the reasons, I had to adopt a totally different logic than my own, but it's a logic all the same. Then I realized these different logics are informed by unique perspectives. Those perspectives probably provide a good insight on future career tracks. So here's the 'go for five' answers I came up with, and my guidance counsellor predictions...

"I would keep going straight because that turn isn't on my assigned route and I don't want to get in trouble for violating company policy." Future federal government employee there; State Department most likely, but would fit in anywhere.

"Well, highly improbable that five workers would all be looking in the same direction as I approach, right? Chances are good one of them will see me, alert the others, and nobody dies. Possible lose big, but possible win big." Embryonic investment banker fer shure. Bound to amass a fortune and/or go to prison, but it'll all be done on other people's money.

"I'd go straight because, see? Hitting five people will probably slow the Trolley enough so I can safely jump off, but I just don't think hitting one person would do it." That's your future personal injury attorney perspective there.

But each answer is perfectly logical, given the perspective it springs from.

Still Alive update

2010-03-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

Not since I helpfully (I thought anyway) typed that were I starving in India, believe I'd eat me a sacred cow, have I received so many passionate feedbacks!

In no way did I intend to single out certain living TV icons for purposes of ignoring the tremendous contributions of other washed-up has beens... I mean revered cultural treasures! Nor did I mean to portray any former Lunch box adorners as less than fascinating, fully realized individuals with a vibrant off camera lives. OK, for you readers in your 20's there was once a time when mothers made lunch for their kids, and these alleged lunches were transported from home to school in things called 'lunch boxes' which bore images of popular cartoon or TV characters. Yep, I know it sounds bizarre, but it happened exactly like that, no kidding.

Uhmmm, where was I? Oh yeah! My mentioning only certain TV/film performances that had a formative effect on me was in no way intended to be discriminatory towards other equally talented performers. Nor would I ever dare to suggest that a lady who wore a (very attractive) form fitting Reynold's wrap jumpsuit and couldn't get her space ship driving husband to stop and ask for directions had very little life outside that venue. WHEW! There! That should satisfy the folks at Liebowitz, Liebowitz, Liebowitz and O'Reilly. Now to business then...

June Lockhart was not JUST all that on TV, with the deathtrap farm or the lost spaceship with the "Don't ask don't tell" Dr. Smith. June also was best pals and weekly poker player with Rod Serling, right up to his death.

Barbara Billingsley of "Leave it to Beaver" is still with us. I'm not going to point out that most housewives don't vacuum wearing pearls and a cocktail dress. I'm not going to throw in the factoid that the Cleaver home was also home to that police guy in "Rockford Files" (guess the Cleavers sold it after the divorce) and I'm not even going to observe that Wally, who was supposed to be some big deal jock, looks like about 5'6" to me. I will say though? Second season of that show starts with the family backing the land yacht out on some excursion. There's no glass in that back window Wally & the Beaver are eagerly looking out of.

Lunchbox characters from the "Dark Shadows" show are still with us... well the main ones. Jonathan Frid (Barnabas) is still kicking around. Angelique (Lara Parker) is alive, and probably still has amazing eyes. David Selby (Quentin) with sideburns even the 70's Elvis would find embarrassing, he's still alive too.

A good half of the original Star Trek cast haven't gone to see Jesus yet. Shatner's got the higher profile of course. Sulu has the same sex marriage ink. Chekov got unwanted ink lately in losing a disturbed son. Leonard Nimoy is still around too though. I think Leonard is one of the funniest people on Earth, and that brings up some more Lunch box adorners?

See, Leonard was a Sergeant in the early 1950's. I find that rather surreal. "Your explanation for not having shiny shoes is highly illogical maggot. Drop and give me twenty!" One of his charges was a guy named Ken Berry, and Nimoy encouraged him to pursue an acting career. That's probably one of the worst things Leonard ever said. Berry went on to act in many series; none of them worth watching, nope, not so much.

One Ken Berry show was called "F-Troop" and I recall it mostly because it had a theme song with words. It was a parody on military service in the old West, sort of like "McHale's Navy" in a way. Ernest Borgnine is still alive, better get THAT one in! "F-Troop" had its moments; really it was kind of daring at times. Berry had nothing to do with the best jokes. Ken Berry is still alive. So is Larry Storch who played Corporal Agarn, was very funny, and my opinion carried more than a third of the show.

All right, ADD kicking in now. Lots of people from my kidhood lunchboxes are still around.

Stayin' Alive... Stayin' Alive

2010-03-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

I seldom type anything serious (and this won't be one of those times) but I note with sincere sadness the passing of two kidhood TV icons.

Peter Graves, "Mission Impossible" guy. Every show started with him showing for the scoop on the next caper in some public place, where I sure wouldn't hide Top Secret info. Really visionary show, quite ahead of its time. In the 1960's the tape self-destructed. In 2010 it's the appliances that do it. RIP Mr. Graves.

And Davy Crockett/Daniel Boone/Fess Parker passed away this week. Symbolic and demonstrative of good ol' fashioned American values all the way around. At a time when America most needed its bold pioneer faces, Parker portrayed them. And after acting he became a very successful real estate developer. Godspeed Mr. Parker.

Seems like I'm 53 and the recognizable faces from my childhood are dropping like flies, at an increasingly alarming rate... but it's not like that at all. Lots of folk are still around; you'd be surprised really.

Don Rickles and Jonathan Winters are both still alive, and I remember them from way back. Both innately funny, hard working comedians.

June Lockhart is still around, and I can't say enough good about that lady. First she was the mom in "Lassie." So every week it was 'Arf' and "What's that Lassie? Timmy's trapped in the abandoned mine?" then 'Arf Grr' followed by "Oh, the abandoned mine field? Why didn't you say that in the first place?" Sounds like a really dangerous farm to me AND a really dumb kid; a smart dog comes in handy. Then she was the mom on "Lost in Space" and that was even tougher. Your husband will NEVER just stop and ask for directions, but now he's driving a space ship! Well, that's just great!

Olivia de Havilland, last surviving adult lead from "Gone With the Wind" is living in Paris. That's a really amazing thing there. Placing in context, the uproar about that film was Rhett Butler saying "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Readers of this blog who are in their 20's might find this confusing, I know... "So, he was like naked and decapitating a zombie with a chainsaw when he said it?" Nope, he was fully clothed, no zombies. It's simple use of the word 'damn' that got people upset. That's how much times have changed, and a lady from that movie is still around.

Alan Young of "Mr. Ed" fame is still with us. He's 94 now I think, which is like 685 in horse years probably. I never thought that show was funny really. You've got a talking horse there man! Utilize the resource, think outside the box? Think Ed the interpreter. Take him to the racetrack, let him discuss with other equines who feels like running today.

Hmmm, who else identifiable is still around? Well how about Meinhardt Raabe? Yeah, he's still with us. OK, that name might not ring a bell, but bear with me here. "GWTW" is a masterful work of film making, and wraps neatly all the myths white Southerners would like to believe about a horrible, bloody era, but that's the extent of its influence on me. There was another movie came out in 1939 though that has worked itself into my DNA. I actually remember cutting short a fishing trip in the 1970's to get home because "Wizard of Oz" was coming on that evening. No, I'm not gay! For you readers in your 20's there was a time when one couldn't purchase a personal copy of a movie for viewing at their leisure. No, I'm not kidding! It was really like that once.

Meinhardt Raabe played a crucial role in "Wizard of Oz" as the munchkin coroner. Was he pronounced wicked witch of the East 'sincerely dead.' He's somewhere back East now (ironically enough) with loving caregivers and lots of fan mail.

So while some have gone on to the next step in the journey, others are still with us. And even those that have passed, we still bear the memories like a torch. Was the ancient Greeks who believed none are ever really dead, long as somebody remembers them. Get right down to it, life is a force, a force. And none can resist a life force of course. That is unless the force of course is whatever keeps you from stopping at that planet over there and asking for directions.

Facebooking up to it

2010-03-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

Now y'see? There are very few ethnic groups that have their own film/TV musical signature. Relatively few, get right down to it. Got the Italians, got the Asians, and of course we have the American Indians. Dunh dunh dunh dun tuh dunh! This was so people eating their TV dinners in the 1960's watching "Wagon Train" could be alerted yep, the Salisbury Steak is delicious, and that pea/carrot mix is yummy, but the Injuns is coming! I'm undecided whether the French have a musical signature. There is that whole slow accordidan thing. I'm absolutely sure though, one can see the Eiffel Tower from every hotel room in Paris. How do I know that? TV told me so, and the TV never lies!

Rheingold Beer had an interesting marketing concept though. Being NY based, they sought to market the beverage (let's not call it cheap swill; it's more best value for one's inebriation dollar) with a series of ethnic based commercials. Went well until the jealousy monster was awakened. Yeah, one TV ad featured happy Germans in traditional clothing, yukking it up with Rheingold. But then the next ad? Polish folks doing the same. And it was all "What are those Pollocks doing drinking OUR beer?" so you can imagine the whole thing didn't go as expected. Now, an uncredited cultural "blessing" from Rheingold Beer? They did annual beauty contest, thus launching the career of Jinx Falkenburg who went on to found with her husband Tex (total piece of work that guy) the morning TV show format we're all familiar with now.

But on St. Patrick's Day, I must observe? The Irish have a film/TV musical signature, AND they have a breakfast cereal! That's fairly impressive there. Like when was last time you bought a box of 'Geronimo's Cheerios' after all? Nope never! But if you want to send your kids off to school with a belly full of industrial dyes and high fructose corn syrup, perhaps Lucky Charms is your best bet. That leprechaun is pretty stingy though, isn't he? I bet he's a Republican, just saying.

Uhmmm, what was I gonna type about? Oh yeah! Me now on Facebook! This is not going to work out well. I've lived many lives (some there was little honor in) and I will live many more, but some of this stuff meshes less well than a Rheingold beer ad campaign. In 2010 I'm a Christian, dedicated husband, serious engineer, friend to all and judge of nobody. I don't want to hear from a bunch of people who knew me 30 years ago!!! Well, those types are mostly probably either dead or in jail, right?

See? There's a silver lining to every dark cloud!

Wacky science news roundup

2010-03-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Tom Hanks said something stupid about WW2, and then a bunch of people wrote about what he said, and now people are writing about what the people wrote about what Tom Hanks said. Just a lot of good clean fun, a big blind media snake swallowing its own tail... but 'taint journalism.

Well, I can get back to that, but first some real news.

A company's begun test marketing of the Glo-cap. It uses microchip tech to remind folk when to take their pills. Appointed times the cap lights up and goes 'beep.' If ignored, it gets louder. Ignored long enough and it can place robotic phone call or send e-mail to assigned designees. Yep, that's right; a pill bottle that can send
e-mail. That's visionary tech there. We'll see how it goes, I wish the Glo-cap folks the very best. Only downside I see is, sounds like the thing will require programming. Perhaps some of the intended customer base aren't good with technology. I foresee lots of pill bottles blinking '12:00' all over the place.

NASA has discovered shrimp and jellyfish in a seemingly enclosed environment under a portion of Antarctic ice sheet. That's interesting on many levels. Science has never yet found an ecosystem consisting entirely of predators (except Wall Street) so NASA is at a loss about what sustains the bottom of an icebound food chain. Potentially throwing all the Science books out of University windows, yeah that's big. But my favorite part of the story is the gushing, astonished delight at NASA. They're so giddy they can't even sense the irony in exclaiming they'd not actually expected to find anything much at all under the ice. Hmmmm, let me see if I got this right kids? You drilled a hole through 600 feet of ice and dropped a camera down there NOT expecting to find anything? You got many other projects like that going on?

Oh yeah, Tom Hanks! There's something newsworthy there too; not that you'd notice from reading the back & forth. Tom said US fought WW2 in the Pacific from an ethos of destroying a differently colored, differently worshipping people... and then he threw in a comparison to some current US military operations. Well, I don't think it's news that actors aren't historians. But it's interesting to note how riled up folks get when cultural foundations get disrespected, even by a person whose inaccurate historical opinions are irrelevant. This nation is rather young. Still remains the only nation founded on ideals. Context like that, you don't mess with WW2period. Whatever ridiculous sentiments you may harbor about the fourth and most recent time this young country faced a palpable threat to its existence, don't be spouting them on open mic night at MSNBC! Save it for the Hollywood cocktail parties and people who are just as historically ignorant as you are. And by the way, that "Forrest Gump" great performance there, among many others!

The Walgreens miracle

2010-03-12T13:25:00.000-08:00

I was just there to get a perscription filled for a relative, and boy is that Walgreens an amazing place! Their entire business model is counter-intuitive, yet undeniably successful. While Wal-Mart has reduced operational overhead and tightened the supply chain by consolidating to super-duper-cavernous-consumer torturamas, there's a Walgreens on every corner in the US it looks like.

Bodie, California is a ghost town in the absolute middle of nowhere, population zero. I bet they got a Walgreens.

All that overhead. Every 6000 sq. ft. store has to have a manager and a pharmacist and a utility bill. One would assume it'd be more profitable to follow the Wal-Mart model and run towards 24,000 sq. ft. stores... yet you can't argue with data. Walgreens has opted for easy access, quick in & out no hassle consumer experience, and it seems to be paying off.

Guess I'm an example of why. I wouldn't get caught dead in a Wal-Mart... well that's not entirely accurate. I once was caught being dead in a Wal-Mart. Oh heck, what am I thinking! That's not what I was caught doing in Wal-Mart! Dang ol' security cameras. But about Walgreens, I don't mind going there at all.

It's not just that though. Anything you want to test yourself for, they have a home test kit for sale at Walgreens. Yep, I'm not kidding.

Now, I'm not going to be judgemental here. After all, I'm a serious journalist. (Remove glasses, look concerned) but some of these test kits are to lend science to things rather dqricky. Oh excuse me! (Put glasses back on) 'dicey' is what I meant. Again, not being judgemental, but some of these test kits sold at Walgreens would only appeal to those with lifestyles generally under the "alternative" section in personal ads, that's all I'm saying.

Starts with blood pressure and blood sugar testing kits, moves rapidly forward from there. Pregnancy tests? Oh pish, many to choose from! They have digital ones now, for those who get confused trying to decipher color change. I suspect they may have talking ones even, that say in a mechanical vaguely feminine voice, "Your womb is ajar... your womb is ajar."

They have a home test kit for HIV on sale. And they have a test kit for drug use, which I find rather confusing. If you don't know whether you're on drugs or not, perhaps you should change dealers. Too much distrust in this country; not to editorialize or anything.

But I was there to pick up a bottle of drugs. The counter girl said, "Since this is narcotics, I need to see your driver's license" and I find that a higher level of customer service; seldom seen nowadays. Give somebody a bunch of codeine pills, make sure they have a car, in case they might want to go on a little Magical Mystery Tour once the meds kick in good.

If I hadn't a driver's license to show, I'm not sure what would've happened. She might've tried to sell me a Walgreens driver's license home test kit, cause I bet they sell those too.

ABBA dabba doo

2010-03-10T17:53:00.000-08:00

Well maybe I read it wrong, let me check? Nope, that's right they're putting ABBA in the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame. Well no, that's not right, but they're doing it anyway. Still no KISS? These cards are marked. I actually find KISS and ABBA equally annoying musically, but one has a much more legit claim to Rock 'n Roll than the other.

This whole Hall of Fame schtick anyway is fairly strange though. There's an HOF for darn near everything. Over in north Alabama there's a coon dog Hall of Fame, and out back a sort of Arlington cemetery for honored champions. So it's not the sort of thing I can easily get my brain around, this Hall of Fame stuff.

Hey! Maybe I have it all wrong after all! Perhaps in Cleveland there's a section for the enemies of Rock 'n Roll; yeah that makes sense. Scooch ABBA right in there, between Colonel Tom Parker and the guy who wrote that "Pina Colada" song. ABBA is going into the Hall of Shame section.

Shame's a funny thing too. We humans often lack it when it's needed, and have it when it's unwarranted. You take Tricia for example.

I was sitting there minding my own biz doing what I do best; gobbling up data to be spit out when required later. Parts of the human heart. Atriums, ventricles, vena cava, tricuspid atrioventricular valve, semilunar valve, bicuspid atrioventricular valve, blah blah blah.

"What are you studying? I'm in second semester of A&P (anatomy and physiology) and I'm only a sophmore in High School. Yeah, it's tough. Since I've been taking college classes it's the first time in my life I ever made an F, but regular school is tough too. The other kids pick on me and always have, because I'm smart. That's really tough; people don't understand."

I observed to Tricia that I do understand, since I was considered a gifted child. Explained to her it's nothing personal. Children socialize in selection towards conformity, that's just nature. Part of growing up is about accepting that one's differences can often be an advantage, while accepting there is an inevitable societal cost involved at times.

There was an awkward silence while Tricia looked at me, probably trying in vain to link the word "smart" with the person she saw sitting there trying to mind his own business. Didn't hold her up for long though...

"I'm not fat. Mom took me to the Doctor and he said I'm not fat; it's all muscle. I'm just a very strong person, that's all. It's my body type, nothing to be ashamed of in the least. I'm here because I'm studying to be a Nurse. You know why? Well I'll tell you. I don't mind telling anybody; I'm not ashamed about it. God came to me in a dream and told me to be a Nurse. He said I'm going to save lives, and I'll help lead them back to Christ. So that's what I'm going to do; what God told me. I'm not ashamed of it, not one bit."

I noted privately this was the third time the muscular teenager had used the word "shame" or a variant. I scratched my beard, closed my book, and told her thanks for telling me that, and there's no shame in being as God made us, with whatever advantages and challenges that presents us. The only rightful shame is not walking humbly before the Creator, and treating others thoughtlessly without remorse.

I told Tricia I'll be praying for her, but cautioned her every journey is hard and the map isn't what we expected when we started out. And then I excused myself to attend class. We left it at that, but I suspect we'll meet again.

Now ABBA, they've certainly earned a special spot in Rock 'n Roll Hall of Shame. Tricia though, doesn't belong in any Hall of Shame I know of. Get right down to it, she's way too young to have produced a body of work worthy of consideration.

These Holes we dig

2010-03-08T07:59:00.000-08:00

Yep, a woman dug her way out of a European prison with a spoon. Dug something like a 70 ft tunnel. And by the time she escaped, only had 22 months left to serve. Hey, get off her back! Takes a long time to dig a tunnel with a spoon! Besides, you have to understand the lady. It's not just that she was bored; it's the way she thinks. Some folk have a perspective where lots of energy aimed at accomplishing something stupid makes a heck of a lot of sense to them.

No matter the circumstance, they'll stay true to their perspective. Changing pencils won't change your handwriting, y'know?

Sure she should've waited for an earthquake to knock down the prison. After all, we've an earthquake once a week now somewhere in the world. She should've been patient and waited her turn.

And why are we having all these earthquakes? Because we need to repent. Technology to the rescue!!! But it's not without controversy of course...

So far the Jews seem to be handling it best, but that's just due to the tenets of the faith really. On prayers being placed in cracks between Wailing Wall stones, there's nothing rigid about one having to be there physically, nor writing the prayer by hand. Therefore everybody's fine with faxed or e-mailed prayers. And for a nominal fee (a mere pittance really) that prayer will be placed at the Wailing Wall. And now they've linked up with Twitter! So if your prayer is 140 characters or less... but Hey! Please don't start your Twitter prayers with 'OMG' cause that's just tacky.

Coptic Christians in Egypt, not doing so well. Pope Shenuda III has put his foot down. No more cell phoning the priests with your confessions! For one thing he says, the Egyptian secret police could well be listening in. More than that, it degrades the solemnity of a sacrament and yanks the Priest from necessary otherworldly detachment. I sure do get that one. I mean you're trying to light candles, burn incense, stuff like that and it's all "hang on, I have to get this one." It must be very distracting. I've full faith in Pope Shendua's ability to nip this in the bud. Embattled faith minorities like the Coptics, there's always a tight chain of command.

On the other hand, France and the confession hotline, whole different ball of wax. Hmmm, wonder where that phrase comes from? Well candle makers would've been important people in medieval times so I guess... OK David, back on topic! Oh yeah! French Bishop disapproval isn't going to stop the confession hotline. Being a french Bishop means hearing "yeah, right, whatever" quite often.

So some innovative Catholics have started a confession hotline. Press one for advice on confession, press two to confess, press three to listen to some confessions. And it only costs fifty cents a minute, except in Euro money.

In fairness to the clever entrepreneurs I should point out: They say it's all about raising awareness among France's notoriously lapsed Catholics about need to go to confession. And also there's a disclaimer along lines of "if you're calling about a mortal sin you are strongly encouraged to contact your local spiritual care provider" everyone has to listen to (at fifty cents a minute) so it's not like they're being flippant on this thing, right?

But one needn't be a Catholic, nor even a Christian to foresee this is going to be a financial success but a spiritual failure. You're going to get a bunch of liars calling in there and it's going to sound like the letters section in Penthouse magazine. A whole lot of "Bless me Father for I have sinned. I never thought in my whole life anything like this would happen to me..." and that's lying and lying is sin.

Then there's going to be people calling up listening to the liars for a cheap thrill (fifty cents a minute) and they'll be envying sinful acts that never took place anyway and that's some kind of compound sin. Then there'll be lonely french guys clogging up the phone lines calling to ask for contact info on that girl "who giggled a lot and likes to dress up like an Angel" and that's sin. And of course the Egyptian secret police will be listening in, and they're Muslim so it's a false witness to those outside the faith and that's a really bad sin.

The whole confession hotline, while it'll likely be a commercial success for a while, just gets a lot more sin. And you know what more sin gets you? More earthquakes, that's what.

All right then Mike

2010-03-04T19:13:00.000-08:00

If that's what your real name is...

First, given the possibilities of random keyword searches, I'm not surprised you happened on my blog.
Second, I read your e-mail carefully. I think your heart is in the right place.
Third, I think your head is in the right place too... if you wish to do your own prostate exams.

I was merely predicting that the movie "Blind Side" will win an Oscar. It's a film; has nothing to do with sightless people, not in the least. Got nothing against blind people. I'll never refer to them as "visually impaired" because it sounds sissy, and rather demeaning to the affected adults.

I know way more about blind people than you do anyway.

Back in the 1940's a legally blind distant cousin of mine did time in the Oklahoma Sate prison for his involvement in a bank robbery. He was the getaway driver, no kidding. I'll never know for sure how a gang of criminal masterminds like that got caught, but privately I think the seeing eye dog ratted them out.

And in post Civil War times, US mint issued a 5 cent coin, about the same size as the 5 dollar coin. They got the five on there all right, but missed the whole dollar/cent distinction. What happened for a while was a lively trade in duping merchants and bartenders. When the gang was caught, the legman avoided time by being blind. His successful defense was, "How did I know I was cheating people?" Some scholars who study phrase origins think this is where "robbed 'em blind" got started as American jargon.

Was a time in this country when the most widely recognized face was that of a blind girl, Laura Bridgman. She was the forerunner of Helen Keller by about three generations. Cute little deaf/blind girl, grew up to be a woman, novelty wore off. Sad story really; people used her and let her down.

Reason one used to see Braille in the oddest places, like ATM's for example, but not so much anymore? Was once a law maintaining that silliness, since lapsed. That because there are more Americans who can speak fluent Apache than can read Braille. Tech has lept far ahead of Braille, which was once cutting edge tech, but now is an anachronism.

Leading cause of blindness in 2010? Running with scissors. Naw, just joshing about that! Lack of about $2 worth of eyedrops really. Combination of vitamin deficiency and endemic conjunctivitis strains in the affected areas. For that, some six million humans are blind. Like Oklahoma bank robber getaway driver blind, for life.

So I know a little bit about blindness. Enough not to wallow in some kind of namby pamby nonsense about PC nomenclature. I still say that Sandra Bullock movie, "The Blind Side" will win at least one Oscar. I know politics. Excuuuusssse ME! Should've called it "The Visually Impaired Side."

And the Oscars

2010-03-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

People ask me about American cinema all the time. Usually these folks are pushing shopping carts filled with naked decapitated dolls, hub caps and stray shoes picked from roadsides, and oh yeah, lots of aluminum cans. But they ask me about movies, so that makes me an expert!

I've never watched more than two minutes of an awards show or beauty contest in my adult life. Don't accept the legitimacy of either really, but that's just me. Still, I know some stuff on the Oscars.

First Oscar winning film was "Wings" which featured first ever movie male to male kiss. Naw it wasn't homosexual; the cat was dying. It's a very moving scene. All about WWI fighter pilots and a love triangle. Clara Bow was the hypoteneuse in that triangle. Guess I've never decided which female film star had saddest life. But among those who had really sad lives, Clara Bow was hands down the prettiest.

I'm not sure really when the Oscars started favoring stupid, unpopular movies. GWTW took home LOTS of little statues. "Ben Hur" won 11 Academy awards. But somewhere along the line they started giving little statues to horrible films. Why didn't "Jaws" win an Oscar? That movie is amazing.

So now we get to what is the absolutely worst thing you can do if you want an Oscar... behave like you want an Oscar. Yep, incongruous as it may seem. This "Hurt Locker" flick is latest example of cardinal sin.

In 1960 Chill Wills was up for a best supporting actor statue. He went after it like a wanton, narcissistic whore, which of course most Hollywood types are, but they don't like it when you drop the mask. Now Chill Wills was the voice of Francis the talking mule in a series of films, but that's not what the nomination was for. Also, Clint Eastwood's first screen role was in "Francis joins the Navy" but that's not what I'm talking about.

So this "Hurt Locker" producer sent out hundreds of e-mails trying to call in past favors for votes. In response, he's been barred from attending the awards ceremony. Dang! I thought they'd let cannibals attend! That's how bad this guy is seen by his tribe.

Actually, I'm certain "Blind Side" wins one Oscar, and I suspect two. "Hurt Locker" well? It portrays US soldiers as walking time bombs, so it'll win something, right? Nobody but movie critics and UCLA film students have seen it probably, but it's disrespective of soldiers just trying to get home alive, so it'll win something.

But will be done in a way that shames the wanton narcissistic whorish "Hurt Locker" producer, you can count on that. And there is a fork in the road. Clara never got the respect she deserved as an actress. She was considered trash by the Hollywood crowd. Yep, guess by most standards she was. I'd walk on Catherine Zeta Jones and Demi Moore to hug Clara Bow. The things she went through as a child. And this "Hurt Locker" thing, so stupid. Out there, one has to behave like they don't want what they want.

Oscars were once given to people who made rousing, successful films, by people who loved film. Now, there's not many in Hollywood who love film. Mostly, they love being people who make films. It's a crucial distinction.

I love Clara Bow. I love Clara Bow. I love Clara Bow. Not because she was gloriously beautiful (which she was) but for her burdens, and the desire to find acceptance, feel safe somewhere.

Fun 101 and control

2010-03-04T11:09:00.000-08:00

Body surfing (on purpose) down a flight of stairs, probably not the best idea I've had lately. I vastly under-estimated the coefficient of friction on carpeted stairways for one thing.

When and if I try that again (likely more when than if actually) perhaps I could put down plastic sheeting, strip down to my underwear and cover myself with canola oil.

Yep, that would handle the friction coefficient problem. Stopping? Naw, trust me? When body surfing down a flight of stairs you can stop on a dime. You just don't get to control where the "dime" is, that's all.

I'm evolving to a grudging co-existence with my inability to control some things, but it's always at best going to be a kind of Cuban Missle crisis standoff type relationship. My lack of posterior padding for example. So far, that's the worst thing I've identified about stairway body surfing. For the next week or so, I'll be sitting down really really slowly. Strangers think I've really bad hemorrhoids probably.

This is the first thing everybody needs to know about Fun 101. Worrying a lot about what strangers will think can be a serious detriment to having fun. Oddly, for some reason that's never been a problem for me. What I think about is control.

That's why I'll never be a great musician. Oh yeah, once I had above average technique. But technique is great in surgery or engineering; art, not so good. The greatest artists bond with their medium in some mystical way and let it take them somewhere. I could never do that! I don't want to be taken anywhere unless I know exactly where we're going and when will I be back, cause "Dr. G. Medical Examiner" comes on tonight, and I dig that show!

When I take a guitar in my hands, I've a sound outcome in mind and I wish to control the instrument. I have a sense that Franz Liszt or Stevie Ray Vaughn weren't like that. They were able to have reveries with their art.

Best I can hope for is to successfully wrestle with my instrument. The great ones dance with their instruments. I should sit down and think about that, sometime very soon. I will sit down really, really slowly.

Lay Down Sally

2010-03-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

It is actually a neglected masterwork of pop songs. Not the best tune on 'Slowhand' but that LP is really a towering Everest. The very worst thing on 'Slowhand' is better than most everything else on the airwaves back then. Worst tune is of course "Cocaine" and my generation is rightly called to account for the 70's but take the nuance?

Was a crazy time and personal excess was the cool beans. Even "Cocaine" has its merits. It's a clunky simple riff; a stadium anthem. And it sure was a crowd pleaser in the era.

The height of Clapton's personal creativity was 'Slowhand' and '461 Ocean Blvd' before it. Good stuff there. Though I was bit of a snob in my wayward youth, I've long been a supporter of straight out pop songs. They're really hard to write. Frampton's one bit in the spotlight, amazing work. Mikey Jackson's 'Thriller' too, just beautiful in its seeming simplicity, hiding a staggering complexity.

And that of course brings me logically to the topic of fish rains in Australia. Yep, it's been raining fish in Australia lately. Perch to be exact. Delicious, but lots of bones.

Very strange things have been falling from the sky throughout recorded human history. In the 19th century, a block of ice fell from a clear blue sky in Alabama. Had a turtle inside. The ice hunk melted, turtle woke up and crawled away.

Journalism was rife with incorrect reporting and sensationalism back then (not like now in these enlightened times) so I'll just strike off frozen turtles.

Was a big deal back in early 1800's where some locals insisted they'd seen fish fall from the sky. Scientists of the time dismissed the claims. "Fishmongers headed home from market day dumped unsold wares. Some rustics came along and jumped to conclusions." Yeah, they said that, in print. That's a kind of quicksand always lurking for indocrinated intellectuals. If honest people with their own eyes saw something that doesn't fit your assumptions... well it didn't happen.

Mind you, at this same time Science didn't believe in meteorites. I've read their arguments, quite persuasive myopic drivel. "Look up in the sky. Do you see rocks up there?" Yeah, well now we know better, and I own a few meteorites.

And now it's undeniable (has been by real scientists for decades) sometimes fish fall from the sky. Oh, also chestnuts, shrimp, frogs, tree leaves, at times from a clear sky. Also red rain.

There's an engineering saying. Theory follows observation. Once fish rains were dismissed as the ravings of ignorant rustics. Now we have video and it can't be denied any longer.

Science explanations are interesting. A freak tornadic wind scoops up fish from a pond, takes them maybe 50,000 feet in the air and then rains them down, where they hit the ground still alive. Nope, I don't see any rocks up in the sky either.

Myself, I'd more respect a "We got NO freaking clue here!" than witch doctor mumblings. It happens. Sometimes it rains curious objects and organisms. This world is like a really catchy pop song.

At times, it's enough just to listen and smile.

Dead peoples' things

2010-03-01T13:45:00.000-08:00

Now that is an interesting headline! "County Board plans sewer hike." Heck, anybody can walk in the woods; there's something distinctive about a sewer hike.

Walking among Ms. Carini's things felt distinctive too. Player piano in the downstairs hall, with all the rolls in a big box. One can assume there'd been times when music and laughter filled the big house.

And it is a big house. Three stories, at least 4500 sq. feet of floor space. Lots of cracked plaster up there in the 20 foot ceilings. Look closer, some serious water damage. Where additions join the original structure, that's always the trouble spots in these old homes. House was built before electrification and indoor plumbing; I kept trying to get a sense of the original floor plan, but it's tough.

I usually do pretty good with that sort of thing, but I was distracted. I was distracted 'cause I was in Ms. Carini's house. Yeah, know what the funniest thing is? Walk up to an airport restroom stall, jiggle the handle and you almost always get "Somebody's in here." Oh sure, statistically possible to run up on a randy Senator and get a "Hellloooo Sailor!" but mostly it's "Somebody's in here."

I like that. Something poetic about declarative statements on one's personhood most likely coming when their pants are at ankle position. Well walking among Ms. Carini's things I kept feeling, "Somebody was in here" and it interfered with my legendary cold analytical skills.

Just recent as Christmas an old lady lived here with decades and decades of memories. Upstairs there's a wardrobe with motheaten WW2 uniforms. I imagine many letters were exchanged in those days, many prayers offered. I went through her book collection. Historical romance tripe; I think she stopped reading in the late 1950's.

Trying to get a sense of Ms. Carini was very tough. People came by to check on her, she probably watched TV. Her last years were likely confined to a few downstairs rooms. There were no family photos for sale so I presume there's extended family out there.

Lady who sold me the table (never take your wife to an estate sale) is almost as enigmatic as Ms. Carini. I don't know if she's a trust fund baby or what, but she had an obvious poise about her. At some point she contacted Ms. Carini somehow, and bought house and contents, years in advance of the old girl's passing. Very interesting. Perhaps the money came in handy.

But Ms. Carini, living in that big house where the player piano music still echoed, and brother was overseas fighting the Japs and visitors after Daddy passed was all clear as daylight for her, all at the same time.

I wonder what that was like, being the last living repository of so many memories. I wonder what she liked for breakfast, what she watched on TV, what she enjoyed talking about. Never will know, and I just despise the thought there's stuff I can't ever know.

Walking in her house is the closest I can ever get though. The things, I just don't get a sense that she had much devotion to them really. They were kept as fetishes of the life moments associated with them.

I came home with her bed table (never take your wife to an estate sale, I can't stress that too much) and it's a gaudy, pretty little six-sided thing sat upstairs next to where she slept before the stairs got dangerous and exhausting. Hauling it outside, well that's very likely first time that table's left that room since FDR was in the White House.

That table probably heard her prayers for brother overseas, and a lamp sat on it illuminating her reading of historical romance tripe novels. That table heard her weep when her brother was senselessly murdered in 1985.

So now the table's going to live with me, and the cast of colorful characters God in His/Its wisdom (sense of humor) has ordained I be the somewhat sane center of.

Eh, we'll give the table a good home. It really is an interesting little thing to look at. If my theory that inanimate objects can soak up emotional energy is correct, there's player piano music and the sound of laughter stuck in that old table.

So, what else do I have? Oh yeah! NEVER NEVER take your wife to an estate sale!

Maybe you're sticky

2010-02-27T13:31:00.000-08:00

Here's the scenario. Back in the 70's an unsuccessful, obscure movie was made about junkie life. It was semi-documentary style, featuring both actors and actual junkies. So a few years later, some movie critic is writing on it, mentions that one of the junkies was a former child actor.

Now here's a few points? It'd seem that if one writes that any former child actor has substance abuse problems, law of averages favors the statement being correct. This particular former child star, no name recognition there. Explain what TV show he was on, and eventually you'd get a "Oh yeah, him. Never knew what his name was." Third though, this here former child actor wasn't a junkie.

What followed was 27 years of lawsuits. And Mr. Gray eventually prevailed, getting the public apology, made to a public that had no earthly idea who Mr. Gray was. In this scenario, we have a couple of very sticky fellows.

I understand Mr. Gray better than Mr. Maltin, but just barely. If you've made a journalistic mistake and hurt someone's feelings, why not own up to it and make a sincere apology? Why 27 years? Mr. Gray, well spotlight moved on from him a long time ago, and he felt moved to defend his good name. But 27 freakin' years?

That is sticking to your guns, long past the point where it makes any sense. I'm not judging, I'm merely observing this is how some approach their life challenges.

A very un-sticky approach is in the song, "Dazed and Confused." Iconic Led Zep tune, and I must say I'm glad the Beatles broke up when they did. Much as I revere the Liverpool lads, that first Led Zep LP was start of a new musical era, with new royalty. "Dazed and Confused" is a stolen song. Not stolen in sense of twisting some old bluesman's basic structure around. Early Zep was notorious for that. No, I mean stolen in sense of breaking into your home and taking your stuff.

"D & C" wasn't written by some bluesman with a tragic arc who died before Jimmy Page learned to play guitar. Nor is it a basic structure that got the Zep treatment. It sounds from Zep about exactly as it did from its writer, Jake Holmes.

Jake's still pretty much alive, well and happy. He even knows exactly when his song got stolen. According to him, he was playing a set in Greenwich village 1968 when pre-Led Zep Jimmy Page stopped in. This isn't the idle claim of an aging hippie either. "Dazed and Confused" was already on vinyl at that time; Jake's second LP if memory serves.

Oh, I should point out at this juncture? Jake Holmes is the most culturally influential person you've never heard of. If you're too young to think you were at Woodstock, and too old to get Rap, Jake Holmes OWNS the ad jingles inside your head.

"See the USA in a Chevrolet"
"Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?"
"Be, all that you can be, in the Army"

Yeah, Jake wrote all that dreck, for which he was obscenely well compensated, and he also wrote a darned good song that Led Zep stole from him. So what'd he do about having "Dazed and Confused" unceremoniously ripped off from him?

Nothin' is what. In fact, I get the idea Jake thinks the whole deal is rather amusing. Well, I'm not being entirely accurate in saying Mr. Holmes did nothing. According to him, he once wrote a letter to Jimmy Page. Something along lines of, "I really consider the song as an unorthodox collaborative effort. Don't you think you should at least put my name down as shared writer credit though?"

He never heard back from Page, and so went on with his life. That's a very un-sticky approach to life's challenges there. While I'm nobody's judge, I'd a lot more enjoy spending an afternoon with Mr. Holmes than Mr. Gray, I betcha.

Now David, that certainly was wonderful, and I'll be sure to do a needlepoint sampler on the topic in the near future, preserving your thoughts for posterior. You got anything more literal, concrete on 'sticky' people?

Well, there is Liew Thow Lin, who's known as the Magnet Man of Malaysia. Retired contractor, raises fortunes for charity by sticking metallic objects to his chest. No kidding, you can put a fork, frying pan or clothes iron on his chest and it just stays there, defying gravity. It's not a parlor trick either. He's been studied by lots of scientists. Best they can come up with is Mr. Lin has very sticky skin surface, as applies to metallic objects. Or more correctly, as metallic objects apply to him I guess. Doesn't sound like much of a theory to me, but it's all we got for the time being. I've seen pictures of the guy with dozens of spoons stuck to his chest. Very strange really.

What else have I got? Oh yeah, Leonard Maltin is a drug addict. There, that should keep me busy for the next 27 years...

Those Lyin' Mayans

2010-02-25T17:52:00.000-08:00

Hey, we haven't had a caption contest in the longest time! So take a look at this picture, what do ya think it is:
1. Cover art for Sir 'Liberace' next CD
2. Ex-Beatle George Harrison relaxing after a concert
3. New poster for the Universalist/Unitarian Church

Nope, it's none of those. Don't feel bad though; I thought it was George Harrison too. This is actually an illustration from a childrens' alphabet book in India. Oh, I know exactly why it was published. I can respect the logic behind it, even while observing it's not going to stop Him. But I don't want to write about those Indians. I've got different Indians on my mind.

Been a lot of media here lately regarding a Mayan prophecy about cataclysmic events coming in 2012. Yeah, celestial convergence, end of the world as we've known it, stuff like that. To me, looks more like a convergence between bad science & bad history. I don't know personally of a single ancient culture that had a doomsday concept, so I doubt the Mayans did either. This 'prophecy' is more likely end of the Feathered Serpent epoch, something like that. Instead of dwelling on the prophecy though, I'd rather think about why it's getting traction.

There is that lure of the 'other' wisdom. Probably ever since humans started living in complex societal structures, folk have believed there's some lost knowledge outside their conventions, that places everything in true context. So there's a deep seated wish to find and connect with the wisdom of the 'other.'

It's all over our culture. Hey, remember that old TV show hosted by Leonard Nimoy, was called "In Search of..." I think the whole dot dot dot thing was a nice touch. Everything was hare brained speculation with question marks.

"Could the ancient lines of Nazca be navigational guides for visiting space aliens?"

Well yeah Leonard, I suppose they "could" be. But if I'm a species that can build interstellar spacecraft, safely traverse hundreds of millions of miles of deep space, and then the last couple miles I have to stop and ask stone age humans for directions, I might feel a tad embarrassed myself.

Eh, it's all about wanting to find & connect with the lost wisdom of the 'other' in an increasingly confusing, complex world.

Fascination with a Doomsday though, I'll never be able to figure that one. It's been going on in Western culture since the Industrial Revolution; I do know that. Not all of them turn out as sadly as that Heaven's Gate deal. There's a very respected Protestant sect right now, founded by disgruntled followers of a guy who kept predicting Jesus' return date. I imagine right this very minute there are at least six Doomsday movements doing their biz, faithfully expecting Jesus, or a comment, or the Great Feathered Serpent to swoop down on a particular day marked on the calendar, known only to the faithful.

I don't know why some people go for that stuff, but I know a better way to approach it. Look around you at the little tribe your life has assembled. OK, come 2012 the big Feathered Serpent will arrive to fly them to Alpha Centauri or some other place where Donald Trump's hairstyle is considered normal. Two years from now, they're all gone from your life, forever.

So why don't you start treating them like you believe that will happen? Not for me to say what that means in your life. If you phone some people daily to say, "I can't hardly wait for 2012" and hang up, that's your biz. But there might be somebody you're wanting to thank, or somebody you're wanting to ask something, or apologize to, or just spend more time with. Well, you have two years to do that stuff. You know those Mayan Feathered Serpents, they're notoriously punctual.

And when 2012 gets here and nothing happens, you can imagine the Feathered Serpent got caught in a holding pattern over O'Hare, but will be here directly. Then you can behave all over again, as if you only have two more years with this tribe you've assembled.

Don't mind me though. I don't have that cachet of being the 'other' with hidden arcane wisdom. I'm just a bald hillbilly. Were I a dead Mayan astronomer though, you betcha!

Bastirds with an E

2010-02-23T07:15:00.000-08:00

In every long term relationship a more or less informal division of labor takes hold. I mean look, you don't think Butch & Sundance swapped off the gunfighting chores in interest of 'fairness' do you? Well, it's the same in marriage too.

Generally, I'd say wives tend to do more things and more frequently. This is not to knock husbands, who often have specific and quite useful skills, for which there's a limited demand. Spider killer is very indispensable for example; it's simply that meal preparation hits the daily schedule with more regularity.

Now in my marriage? Difficult to explain really. Yes, spider killing. Also take out garbage, and random heavy lifting. But my core strengths are:
1.) Asking me is quicker than looking it up on the computer.
3.) Really good at math.
2.) Ability to solve seemingly intractable practical challenges.

Like that flush mounted bulb, way up there in the kitchen ceiling. Hard enough to get hold of in the first place, but when you try to turn the bulb the socket turns too. Well I solved that problem. How? I'm not telling everbody on the internet! That's intellectual property!

But it's core strength number one that most recently came to the fore. Yes, my wealth of knowledge that, when you get right down to it, most of which ain't worth knowing in the first place.

My wife walked in the door saying, "I rented that new WW2 movie with Brad Pitt in it." A few minutes later, DVD is playing and I say, "Hey, it's Bo Svenson! He was in 'Walking Tall part three' what a lame movie that was!"

"Well where is Brad Pitt?"
"In kindegarten probably, when this movie was made."
"But I rented 'Inglorious Bastards' so what's this?"
"This is 'Inglorious Bastards' ma'am."

Before it got too much like an Abbot & Costello routine, I explained that "Inglorious Basterds" is Tarantino's homage to the ensemble suicide mission WW2 flicks of the 1970's with "Dirty Dozen" being finest one. So Quentin being a film buff titled his movie after this, with misspelling as an in-joke.

Therefore my resevoir of useless information came to the rescue again. Did the explanation make her any less frustrated? Nope, not one bit really. I've found that's often the outcome when I dispense useless information, but I don't let myself get discouraged.

Jesus, the Piggy Bank

2010-02-21T10:19:00.000-08:00

This week a washed up British pop star said Jesus was gay, and within 15 minutes the news had gone around the globe three times. I'm not going to name this pop star, because I won't play his game. 'Sir Liberace' will do, since the career track is similar.

Now on one level, I'm certain Sir Liberace meant it as a sincere compliment. By the way, did I mention that knighthoods must be really easy to come by these days? They're probably being given away in charity raffles now. But lest I digress; the main reason Sir Liberace said that drivel was for publicity... and it worked! It worked on media outlets with no real interest in Christ, and excelled with pro-Christ media.

And that's the way it works. Insult Jesus and the non-believer media will print it cause controversy sells. Believer media will print it to rally the troops, and that sells. There's a lot of money to be made insulting Jesus! Christopher Hitchen's "God is not good" was on NYT best seller list for quite a while for instance.

There's a trusty stereotype of the TV preacher raking in millions while living a debauched lifestyle and mocking the faithful he fleeces. Christians should be held to higher standards, but do we think often enough about how non-believers exploit Jesus for profit?

Had Sir Liberace instead said, "Jesus was the greatest person who ever lived" would anybody have printed that? No, they wouldn't. It's not controversial, hence no ad revenues.

Now, I'm supposed to be a right wing extremist (or so I've been told recently) therefore I might be expected to say something like, "Hey Sir Liberace, why don't you go ahead and opine on Mohammed's sexual orientation while you're at it?"

While I might daydream such a thing (I have a sick sense of humor) we all know Sir Liberace won't do that, and we know why. But in engineering, you're taught that usually in a manufacturing problem, one has to patiently ask 'why' about five times, before getting at the root of the deal.

It's true, Sir Liberace calling Mohammed gay would lead to more than headlines. But for much of Christianity's history Sir Liberace would've been stoned to death, or burned alive for insulting Christ. The difference is that Islam remains in stasis forever, while Jesus hasn't forgotten His followers.

Across centuries the history of Christendom is a sucession of dissenters who called the Faith to the shadow of the Cross, often at the cost of their lives. We no longer believe Sir Liberace should be burned for his blasphemy. Oddly enough though, the origin of the word 'faggot' is a bundle of sticks used to build a fire. He he he he that's funny! Oh man, I crack me up sometimes.

So our faith is strong enough, you can insult our Saviour. And boy, is THAT a long line! Therefore Jesus is not only Light of the World, but also a piggy bank. Yep, pick Him up and shake Him. Maybe a million dollar book deal there, or a little media attention in a life without any other real center.

Sorry for the Duration

2010-02-19T15:15:00.000-08:00

All lists are subjective, but the names Babe Ruth, Seabiscuit, Michael Jordan and Mohammed Ali would belong on any fair minded person's list of greatest American atheletes. Also Tiger Woods.

Still very early in his career, he's done legendary things, like winning a tournament with an injury that later required surgery.

So it's worth taking a moment to observe a modern prodigy's attempts to rehabilitate his public image, and what that means in context of modern culture.

There was a time in this great land, when the railroad didn't run... hmmm, David? I think that's a Gordon Lightfoot lyric. Oh yeah! Knew it sounded familiar for some reason. There was a time in this great land when Tiger's career would be over forever, period. Maybe go play golf in Europe, but that's about it. These times, societal shunning is less rigorously practiced. There are pros & cons to that. Yeah, it is a very effective method. Shoplifting is nearly unheard of in Japan for example. But shunning has always sloshed over on innocent family members, every time I've seen it practiced. Eh, it's a mixed bag; still practiced in rural America but no longer much of a defining cultural current really.

Therefore, Tiger has a chance to convince fans who identify with him in a neurotic way, that nope, he never was person they thought he was, but he's trying to become that person. I'm not being cynical; that's the man's mission, if he wants the endorsements back.

A few things come to my mind... what is this trend about apologizing to people you haven't wronged? And of course Tiger is sorry. Everybody who gets caught, regrets having been caught. We 'sophisticated' Westerners roll eyes about cultures where miscreants are scourged in public, yet we expect the same thing of our little tin media gods? It seems our culture has progressed from a culture of shunning, to one where elaborate, largely meaningless rituals are required. Why do we do that? Why do we care about the private life of a person we'll never meet? Who buys products based on Tiger Wood's endorsement anyways?

There is one thing though, for which I personally can never forgive Tiger Woods. Read the story on his speech today, and was wiping tears from my eyes. One of those watching was former Tiger Beat member Simone Ste. Claire (or something like that) a recently retired porn star. She watched the broadcast with her attorney, and I only hope lots of Kleenex was available. Though not named specifically in Tiger's Mea Culpa today, nor has she been named by anybody except herself, Ms. Ste. Claire was clearly heartbroken. She said something like (I can't even quote me accurately) "I feel so violated, I trusted him. I want him to look me in the eyes and apologize for the unwanted attention he's subjected me to."

For that one thing Mr. Woods, I can never forgive you. You embarrassed a porn star. Have you no shame sir?